Letters
by Dagmar Buse
Summary: Kim sent Tommy 'The Letter' for a reason. Only, it's not the one she gave him. Over time, more letters, written by his friends, influence Tommy's life. Can he accept Kim's true reason, forgive her and learn to live with the consequences?
1. Default Chapter

_**Disclaimer:** They're mine, aaaallll mine, and for every person who reads this, I get $10 every time they open the file. Hard copies are $25. You believe me, don't you? Yes? Great - in that case, I have a nice stretch of swamp land in Arizona I might want to sell you. :-) Seriously, though - Saban: everything, me: zilch. :-(_   
_**Note:** This came into existence because I needed part of it as a background story for another fic I'm working on. The idea developed a life of its own (Thank you VERY much, Ted! I needed a new story idea about as much as a root canal! One more stunt like this, and you can look for a new author to harass! *glares* - Sorry, folks; Muse trouble.) and it was just too good to discard, so - here I am, pecking busily away at my keyboard. The story is PG-13 at most, and I hope you like ...comments are welcome, as usual. **DB 2000/01**_   
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Letters

by

**Dagmar Buse**

  
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**Tommy to Kimberly**

_"...I miss you so much, Beautiful, especially now. We had this project at school last week, for Social Studies - we had to pretend how our lives would be like ten years in the future. Some of the others did stuff about health problems, some on working, or finding a job .... I wanted to do a report on how to operate a small business; that dojo Jase and I want to open together one day, remember? But no go - somebody else nabbed the idea first. Would you believe I ended up doing a study on family life? Pretending to be married, holding down a 9-to-5 job, sharing household chores ... I had Kat as my partner; she even brought that kid along whom she babysits on occasion, just to make things more realistic. The gang had a ball teasing us about it, especially Rocky and Tanya. I could've killed them! And of course, King M. got in on it, and we nearly had a disaster on our hands. But, all went well._

_Man, I was tired when those 24 hours were over! Joey - that's the kid's name - was kinda cute, but you sure don't get a lot of sleep with a 14-month-old baby! Mom and Dad nearly bust a gut, watching me and Kat running all over the house, cooking, doing yard work and what have you. They moved into the attic guest room for the day, so we had a real house to 'play' with. Mom said she hasn't had so much fun in years, watching us. I guess it was sort of a payback for all the times she had to look after me; I was Joey's age when they adopted me._

_You know .... I was beat when the project was over, but now, when I've had time to rest, I have to admit it was kinda fun, too. Kat was real easy to work with, and bringing the baby sure added realism. We both got an A, by the way. (AND got stuck babysitting the teacher's twins the next weekend! UGH!) But .... you know, when I was sitting down to dinner with her, or when I made like going to work, discussing 'family' stuff with her .... I so wished it was you I was doing this with! Not just this project, but for real._

_Kim, I know we never really talked about this, but .... could you imagine having a family one day? With me? Not too large; I mean, the DeSantos' are a fun bunch, but I'd rather have a little more peace and quiet at home. But two, or maybe three kids? You don't have to give me an answer now, but .... could you maybe think about it? And I could ask you again in a few years, when your gymnastics are over, and I can support a family? Please, Beautiful .... ever since my folks told me I was adopted, I've known that I want my own family one day - people who belong to me by blood. I know Mom and Dad chose me as their son and love me lots, and I love them, too, but somehow it's not the same. I want people in my life who really belong to me, who love me because .... well, just because. And I'll love them right back, because they're the family that I chose to have - my wife and my children. And I can't think of anyone else with whom I'd rather have that family than you. I'd want a little girl who smiles just like you, and maybe a little boy I could teach Karate to .... Those are my dreams for ten years in the future; being married to you, and having kids with you as their mom. If you think you could share those dreams, we'll talk about that when the time is right. Okay?_

_I've heard from Jason the other day; seems he is getting fed up with ...."_

In her dorm room in Florida, Kimberly folded Tommy's letter back into the envelope, sighing happily. The rest was news about Angel Grove and their friends which she loved to hear, naturally, but she'd pored over this particular bit so often in the two days since she received the letter, she practically knew it by heart by now. 

Tommy wanted to have a family one day - with her! Her heart soared at the thought, and she knew a silly grin was playing around her mouth every time she read that sentence. He'd said he wasn't going to ask, not now, but any way she looked at it, it was almost a proposal ... wasn't it? 

"Yes, Tommy," she murmured dreamily to herself, "I'd love to have a family with you one day - when we're both ready." 

It was exactly the answer she was going to give her tall boyfriend when he asked her in person. 

Kim put the envelope into her nightstand drawer; she wanted to find exactly the right words to say - writing "YES! YES!! YES!!!" in big, bold letters just wasn't going to cut it; this was way too important - and besides, training had been very exhausting lately. Better to take some time and get her answer right, just as maturely and well-formulated as Tommy's letter had been. It was mid-February now, just past Valentine's Day; Tommy's letter had accompanied a fold-up photo album with portraits of the Zeo team, a group shot made at the Youth Center and a wallet-sized new picture of Tommy with a very loving message on the back. It had immediately found its way into her purse, and she looked at it often, smiling longingly at the handsome face and soulful eyes that seemed to gaze directly into her heart. The petite gymnast just knew Tommy had been thinking of her when the picture had been taken; only for her did he ever wear that particular expression 

_*God, I miss you, Tommy,*_ she thought as she started making preparations for bed. _*I thought I knew what I was letting myself into when I accepted Coach Schmidt's invitation; I imagined I was prepared to be a little homesick. I did not know how hard it'd be in reality!*_

But, she had a visit to Angel Grove scheduled for Easter, to coincide with spring break; she hadn't told anybody yet, wanting it to be a surprise for her tall boyfriend. Grinning at herself in the bathroom mirror as she brushed her teeth, Kim pictured how Tommy's eyes would light up when he saw her strolling into the Juice Bar, and she'd bet anything that Ernie and her friends would throw her a Welcome-Home party the likes of which Angel Grove had never seen. 

_*It's gonna be sooo much fun!*_

However, before she could finalize her plans, she would have to go through the Team physicals tomorrow. Kimberly grimaced as she slid into her bed and turned off the lights. She hated being poked and prodded by doctors, but knew that it was necessary. All athletes taking part in the Panglobal Games had to be perfectly healthy to give their best, and she hadn't given up her home, her friends, her Power Coin ... _Tommy_ ... just to be stopped right before she realized her life-long dream of competing internationally at the highest level. 

Without false modesty, Kim knew she'd make the team; she had worked hard to get where she was now, and what she lacked in competition experience, she more than made up for in talent and determination. Even if she shouldn't win a medal, the least she could do was give her all to make her family and friends proud of her. If that meant she had to endure a few hours of tests and measurements, so be it. Snuggling under her covers, the erstwhile Pink Ranger closed her eyes and soon drifted off to sleep. Her last thought, before she went under completely, was that she'd answer Tommy's letter as soon as she got a clean bill of health.   
  
  


~*~ 

"Thank God that's over with!" 

The gymnasts meeting at the Training Center's dining hall were of one mind about the events of the day. The medical exams had started early, before breakfast even, with the giving of blood samples ... and almost every other bodily secretion the doctors could lay their hands on. After a hasty meal, the teenagers and young adults had been measured, weighed, x-rayed, ultra-sounded and what-have-you until lunch. Then, just when they thought they were finished, the _real_ fun began - testing of their overall fitness by hooking each person up to various monitoring devices and letting them exert themselves on treadmills, stationary bikes, weight machines and so on and so forth, until they were all heartily sick of the matter. 

Kimberly sat down with a couple of the other gymnasts, only to pick at her dinner. The examinations had been exhaustive, intrusive, and she always felt worse than usual when she had to skip a meal. Her early-morning tests had taken so long, it hadn't been worth eating breakfast - so, Kim had gone right into lunch, and was paying the price now. Besides, she was in the middle of choreographing her floor routine; the interruption in her round of training sessions, dance class, costume fittings and plain working out was even more irritating than usual. Deciding finally to make do with a fruit yoghurt she had in her small fridge, Kim took her leave of her teammates and went back to her room. The dairy snack was spooned up half-heartedly, then the petite girl climbed into bed. Rereading Tommy's letter once more, she felt the loving words soothe and comfort her as always, and eventually she drifted off to sleep, dreaming of a future at her handsome boyfriend's side, with two little boys looking exactly like Tommy playing at her feet, and a little girl with soulful brown eyes cuddling on her daddy's lap.   
  
  
  


~*~ 

"Kimberly? Phone!" 

Peggy's shout broke Kim's concentration, and she hopped off the balance beam, more than slightly miffed. How the heck was she supposed to train properly, if she kept being interrupted? Mopping her face and neck with a towel, she ambled over to the small office and with a questioning look took the receiver from her teammate, who just shrugged. 

"It's Coach." 

Watching Peggy go back to the uneven bars, Kim held the device to her ear. 

"Yes?" 

Coach Schmidt's heavily accented voice was brusque, as usual, but not unfriendly. 

_"Kimberly, Dr. Benning tells me there are some problems with your test results. They want you to come in at four this afternoon for another blood sample."_

Dr: Benning was the team physician; he'd been in charge of the physicals. 

"What kind of problems?" Kim asked, not overly concerned. She felt fine, as always. 

"He didn't say. Just make sure you're at the clinic at four; they'll be expecting you." The line went dead. Slightly mystified, Kim left the office and informed her choreographer that she had to cancel the afternoon session - again. The older woman was not pleased, grumbling loudly about how was she supposed to work with the athletes and get results if they were called away at all times, but dismissed the petite girl with an encouraging pat on the shoulder. 

~*~ 

Showered and changed, Kim entered the training compound's medical facility precisely on time. Dr Benning, a man in his late forties and a former athlete himself, greeted her warmly as she was ushered into his office. 

"Hello, Kimberly. How nice that Coach Schmidt could let you come right away." 

"Hi. What's wrong with me?" Kim asked curiously, sinking into a chair. "I feel perfectly okay." 

"And you most likely are," the doctor assured her. "It's just ... your blood work shows that there is some irregularity _somewhere_ in your body, probably quite minor, and we'd like to find out where and what it is, so we can treat it _before_ it develops into a problem." 

That made sense, and the former Pink Ranger relaxed; despite herself, she'd been feeling a bit apprehensive at the prospect of having a health problem she wasn't aware of. 

"Okay. So, what do you need to do?" 

Benning smiled approvingly at the plucky girl. 

"Nothing much - draw another blood sample," he grinned at her grimace, "get a urine sample ... and just to be on the safe side, I'd like to give you a pelvic exam. The organs in the lower body, especially a woman's, are very susceptible to outside influences. It might be that you've picked up a infection somewhere unknowingly that's making the results go haywire ..." 

Kimberly pulled a face; she'd never had a pelvic exam before, but had heard stories from classmates who had; it didn't sound like a very pleasant experience. Besides, the thought was pretty embarrassing, to let someone else look at her _there_. However, Dr. Benning reassured her. 

"Don't worry, Kimberly. I won't look anywhere I don't have to, and there'll be a nurse with you all the time." He got up from behind the desk. "Shall we get it over with?" He winked at her, and she couldn't help but grin back, since she'd thought precisely that. 

"Yes, please." 

~*~ 

"Have a seat, Kimberly." 

It was two days later, during which the gymnasts had been kept extremely busy to make up for lost time, and Kim was astonished to see Coach Schmidt in Dr. Benning's office as well. Both men looked grave, and a slight frisson of uneasiness skittered down her spine as she sank into the offered chair. 

"Is ... is there something wrong with me, after all?" she asked in a puzzled voice. "I thought you said there wasn't!" 

The physician sighed. 

"I'd hoped there wasn't; or if so, it would be nothing more than a yeast infection, or at worst something with your kidneys. However ..." he stopped, looking down at the files in front of him. Kim assumed they contained her test results. Benning drew a deep breath, then met her eyes squarely. 

"I'm terribly sorry, Kimberly, but what we found was far more serious. There's no easy way to say it, so forgive me if I'm being blunt. We went over all of your test results several times, hoping we'd be wrong, but unfortunately, we weren't. The pap smear we took ... there's no possibility of error, I'm sad to say. Kimberly ... you have cervical cancer." 

Kim never noticed that Coach Schmidt got up and took her suddenly cold hand in his, didn't hear what the older man was saying to her. She just sat in her chair, looking very small and alone, staring at Dr. Benning as she felt the blood drain from her face and went numb all over. 

~*~ 

_*I have cancer.*_

The thought beat in her mind like a litany - or maybe it was a death bell; by now, Kimberly neither knew nor cared. She'd been a total wreck ever since she'd left Dr. Benning's office yesterday, trying to deny what the man had told her, but being unable to. The test results, as he'd said, were unmistakeable. She had a malignant tumor in the uterus - undetected so far because there had been no reason to suspect anything until anomalies showed up during the physicals. Fresh tears slid down her cheeks as she trudged towards the sink to pour herself a glass of water - the only thing she could keep down ever since she'd learned the truth about her condition. 

_*How can I have cancer? Until recently, I was a Power Ranger! I'm only seventeen years old!*_

But deep in her heart, she knew that disease - _any_ kind of disease - didn't ask for a birth certificate when it chose to strike, or care about the victim's identity. Kim sniffled, but her tears continued to flow. Dimly, she wondered how she could have any tears left at all. It seemed that she'd done nothing _but_ cry, ever since she'd come home from the clinic. 

_*I don't want to die ...*_

That was the one silver lining in this whole mess. Dr. Benning had explained to her that thankfully, they'd detected the tumor in its earliest stages. If she decided on an operation right away - well, _after_ the PanGlobals; she was here to train, after all, and major surgery would take about two months out of her training schedule, and she couldn't afford _that_, not if she wanted to compete - she had every chance of making a full recovery, without chemotherapy or radiation, or before metastases could spread into other parts of her body. Kim swallowed a despairing moan as she sank back on her bed; her pillow was soaked with the tears she'd shed, but she felt too exhausted to do anything about it. Turning the soft cushion over, she pressed her face into the crumpled linen. Something lumpy was lodged at the small of her back; fumbling for the object, she pulled up the fluffy white bear Tommy had given her when she'd woken in hospital after her fall off the balance beam, back home in Angel Grove. 

"Tommy," the girl sighed longingly. Her mother was away in France and couldn't come right now; a frantic phone call to her the night before had assured Kimberly that Mrs DePuys would be there for the surgery, however. This was not a time when Kim wanted to be alone - she needed the comfort and security of being with people she loved, and who loved her. 

_*I'm not going to tell the others, though,*_ the unhappy young woman decided as she slowly regained a measure of calm. _*Not before the operation, anyway. There's nothing they can do to help me, and it'd only distract them from their jobs. They have enough trouble with these robot guys already; I don't need to add to their problems.*_

But telling Tommy was another matter. Kim just _knew_ that her boyfriend would be there for her, giving her all the support she could possibly need. 

_*We've been through so much together - loss of our Powers, being attacked by Rita, Zedd and who-knows-what else, faced danger together ... we came so close to dying when we searched for Ninjor's Temple, and at other times ... next to my parents, Tommy's the ONE person who I know will never leave me. We love each other too much for ANYTHING to drive us apart.*_

That thought, for the first time since she'd heard the devastating news, stopped Kimberly's tears and brought a wobbly smile to her face. Still sniffling, she sat up on her bed and took the picture of Tommy that rested on her nightstand in her hand. Tracing his strong, smiling features with a slender fingertip, Kim cleared her throat. 

"I love you so much, Tommy - and I wish I could tell you how much it means to me to know I can call you and tell you everything ... just like you tell _me_ everything that's on your mind and in your heart," she whispered hoarsely. Kim wiped her wet cheeks with the back of her hand, but it was ineffectual. Opening her drawer, she fumbled for a pack of tissues. After blowing her nose and drying her eyes, she took out Tommy's last letter once more. Kim settled back against her pillows and began to read; his loving words would surely bring her comfort, especially now when she needed it most. 

As she re-read every affectionate sentence, Kim made a mental note not only to call Tommy at the earliest opportunity, but also to reply to his letter in the morning. She smiled at some of the things he told her; mostly Ranger stuff couched in very general terms, and she vowed to get an in-depth account as soon as possible. The first page was turned, and her heart began to beat a little faster; she was getting to her favorite part of the letter, the one that always made her go all warm and fuzzy inside. 

_*" ... ever since my folks told me I was adopted, I've known that I want my own family one day - people who belong to me by blood.(...) And I can't think of anyone else with whom I'd rather have that family than you. (...) Those are my dreams for ten years in the future; being married to you, and having kids with you as their mom...."*_

"Oh God," Kim whispered, turning deathly pale as her hands suddenly lost the power to hold on to the closely-written sheets. They fluttered unheeded onto her blanket. "Tommy, no ...!" 

The reality of her situation suddenly crashed over her head, threatening to drown her. Fresh tears started to flow unheeded as Kimberly had to face a devastating truth. 

She had early-stages cervical cancer. In order to prevent the disease from spreading, she'd have to have an operation - a hysterectomy. The surgery would remove her womb, saving her life, but forever barring her from having children of her own - EVER. Children whom Tommy wanted to have with her. And once the deed was done, she wouldn't be able to give them to him, thereby smashing his fondest dreams for his - _their_ - future. 

As the painful truth began to sink into her consciousness, Kim started to sob, deep, heart-wrenching sounds which no-one was around to hear while her own world, so perfect only days ago, shattered into fragments too small and numerous to count. 

~*~ 

Days passed during which Kim moved like a zombie. She talked to Dr. Benning again, remembering vague tales about women in her condition being miraculously cured by having a baby, but he only shook his head, telling her truthfully that these cases were bordering on the fantastic if they were true at all. The physician was sorry to see what little life was left drain from her dulled brown eyes, but in good conscience he couldn't hold out false hopes to the devastated girl. 

"Kimberly ... I have to tell you that the likelihood is far greater that a pregnancy now will speed along the cancer rather than make it go away," he said gently. "Besides, you're not yet eighteen years old; how will you and your boyfriend even support a child - especially if you should get sicker? And ..." he put a hand on her arm and waited until she would look at him, "If worse comes to worst, would you want your Tommy being left behind with a baby to raise alone?" 

"You mean when I die," she rasped, beyond tears by now. 

"Not when, if," Benning corrected her firmly. "And we'll do everything we can to prevent that from happening. But, yes." 

"I ... no. No, I couldn't do that to him," she whispered. 

"Talk to your boyfriend, Kimberly. If he really loves you, he'll understand. You have much to offer a man; far more than your ability to bear children. And if he doesn't, maybe he's not the right man for you, after all." Privately, the doctor had his doubts about that anyway; in his experience, High School romances seldom lasted, but he couldn't tell _that_ to the young woman sitting so forlornly in his office. She had enough to bear right now. 

Numbly, Kim walked back to her room. Benning meant well, but he didn't know - _couldn't_ know about the deep bonds she and Tommy shared. Their love went far beyond a teenage romance. But, what was she going to do? Sighing, she lay on her bed, forcing her tired mind to think through her options as the Florida sun sank below the horizon and the early February dusk began to cast her room into gloom. 

_*I can refuse to have the hysterectomy. But chances are very high that the cancer will continue to grow, making me ever sicker, and I'll die. Sooner rather than later.*_

The former Pink Ranger was not afraid of death as such; she'd had to come to terms with her own mortality soon after she first accepted her Power Coin. But it was one thing to die defending your planet, or maybe in an accident, when things were out of her control. It was quite another to succumb to a disease ... for which she was not responsible, true, but since there was a cure available, it'd be like giving in without a fight. And Kimberly Hart had never given up on anything without doing her utmost to beat the odds. 

_*I ... I don't want to die,*_ the young woman realized painfully. _*At least, not like this. And ... and not now. I'm not done living. Not yet.*_

For some unknown reason, she felt almost ashamed to admit that, but it also cleared her mind for other things. 

_*So I'm going to have the operation. Mom will come here; I won't be alone. But I won't tell the others. Not Trini, not Aisha - none of them. And the guys - forget it. I don't want their pity, or that they'll think I'm only half a woman,*_ she resolved. 

_*But ... but what about Tommy?*_

Kimberly moaned into the darkness surrounding her and curled up into a ball of pure misery. No matter what, she was going to hurt her charismatic boyfriend deeply. Her decision to have the operation by necessity destroyed all of Tommy's hopes and aspirations of ever having a family of his own - never mind the fact that he would suffer right along with her. And hurting Tommy was the very last thing she wanted to do - ever. 

_*Do I have to tell him?*_

The unhappy girl dismissed the question as soon as it popped into her mind; while it was terribly tempting, she knew that it wouldn't only be an unforgivable lie by omission, it would also be completely unfair and dishonest. 

"If I tell him, he'll leave me ..." she hiccuped, but Kim knew deep down that Tommy wouldn't do that; not for something as serious as this, something she had no control over and what wasn't her fault. Tommy would stand by her through thick and thin ... because that was the way he was, because his sense of honor wouldn't let him desert her, and most of all because he loved her. But, if he stayed with her, he'd have to give up his own dreams ... and that was not what Kim wanted. She loved him too much to do that to him. 

The dilemma seemed insoluble; no matter what she decided to do, Tommy would be the one to suffer from her decision. For herself, Kimberly certainly regretted that she'd never have children, but it was something she hadn't yet given serious thought to. She _was_ only seventeen, after all; even though she'd dreamed of having a family one day, it was all part of a still very nebulous future. Probably her loss would hit her more deeply at one point, Kim knew, but that was the least of her problems. Right now, she was far more concerned with how Tommy would take the news. 

_*He'll be soo sad ... and disappointed ... and unhappy ...*_

But they'd have each other to help them, the optimistic part of her reminded her. As long as they had each other, they could live through anything. Couldn't they? 

Kim wanted to say 'yes' with conviction, but a niggling voice at the back of her mind wouldn't be silenced. 

_*What if he stops loving you when he has to give up so much? Not right away, no, but what about five years from now? Ten? When you're both ready to have a family, and you CAN'T? Will he still love you -then-?*_(/P> 

"Of course he will; Tommy loves me," the petite girl murmured, but even to her own ears it sounded weak. What if he wouldn't? What if he came to resent her one day for being ... barren? God, the word hurt! Tommy was a wonderful person, the best, but he also was only Human. And to see their love wither away would be worse than anything. 

"I'll die if he leaves me," she whispered, tears gathering anew in her burning eyes. "It'll kill me as surely as the cancer will if I don't do anything about it ..." 

_*You can't do anything about the cancer,*_ the insidious voice in her mind stated. _*But you CAN do something to prevent him from leaving you.*_

"What?" Kim asked the empty room. "I'd do anything to avoid that." 

_*Anything?*_

"Yes," she answered herself, sobbing again. "It would hurt too much if he did!" 

For an endless minute, the voice remained silent. Then, it spoke up again. 

_*Then YOU leave HIM.*_

"WHAT?!?" 

_*Break up with Tommy. Tell him you don't love him like that. Pretend that you don't want to have children with him. That way, you won't have to tell him the truth; you'll be spared his pity, and while it'll hurt him now, it leaves the way open for him to find someone else, to make his dreams come true with another woman. Someone who can give him the family you can't.*_

Kimberly moaned again as a wave of despair washed through her. She hated the thought of breaking up with him passionately, but what the voice told her made a terrible, twisted kind of sense. Hurt Tommy a little - okay, a lot - now, but spare him an even bigger pain in the future. If she loved him as much as she said she did, surely she could do this? For Tommy? Leave him so that he could find happiness with someone else? The thought was physically painful, but once conceived it wouldn't go away. Instead, images swirled through her exhausted mind, alternating between impossible dreams of a miracle cure for her, Tommy's pain and disappointment when he had to give up _his_ dreams for her sake, the misery and despair he'd surely feel if she did die despite everything, and a vision of a happy, content man surrounded by children who looked just like him. 

~*~ 

Throughout the longest night of her life, Kimberly wrestled with herself, torn between her wants and dreams and with what she became increasingly convinced she _had_ to do, but as the first rays of dawn began to lighten the morning sky, she wearily unfurled herself from her rumpled bed, stood up and looked out her window. It faced west, towards California ... her home, and the man she loved more than anything else. Enough, in any case, to place his happiness over her own needs. 

"Good-bye, Tommy," the young woman whispered, then turned away from the window and sank down at her desk. Beyond tears now, she methodically took her stationery out of a drawer, readied an envelope and picked up a pen. Her eyes were dry and her hand was steady as she started to write a letter that would change two lives forever. As she wove a plausible tale of lies about finding someone else, to cast the man she loved out of her life so that he'd be happy, her heart was slowly breaking into a million pieces. 

~~***~~ 

**Jason to Tommy**

_"... Bro, I know you're not really ready to face this, but I thought it better to warn you - Kim is coming home for a visit this summer, right about graduation time. I'll try to keep her away as much as I can, do stuff with her ... but there may be times when that won't be possible._

_You can deny it all you want, Tommy, but I know you - Kim hurt you with the way she broke up with you, and you're not over it - over her - yet. And before you ask, no, I don't really know what happened, either. She hasn't told anyone, as far as I know - at least not anybody I can ask. Trini and Zack are as much in the dark as me._

_You're probably not going to like what I'm going to say next, but I'll tell you anyway: You have Kat now. She's a great girl, pretty, smart, nice ... a really classy lady. Don't throw away what you've found with her; she deserves better than that, and if you want some advice, talk to her. I know that's not easy for you, but as your friend it's the best thing I can say to you - be as open about your feelings for her, for Kim, about this whole mess as you can. It's the only honorable way. And maybe it'll help you get your head straight, too. It's only going to be worse if you don't; what if you run into Kim suddenly and do or say something you're going to regret? And knowing Kat, she'll want to help you as much as she can - she's one of the most understanding and forgiving people I know. Okay, end of lecture. -_

_I won't be graduating with the rest of you guys; I'm still missing a few credits, so my folks enrolled me in a private school to make up for what I missed in Europe and while I was recovering from you-know-what. But I'll be back in Angel Grove in time for Prom, and return for good for the fall semester ..."_

There was more to Jason's letter, but the passage he'd just read for maybe the dozenth time was what stuck with him most and what caused him the most headache. Tommy slumped down wearily as he put his best friend's message back into his mail folder; he'd answer it tonight. 

_*So Kim's coming back.*_

The thought was terrifying, and at the same time just a little bit exhilarating. It had been months since he'd received that letter from Kimberly; he should be over it by now, but every time he remembered the words, a fresh spurt of pain seemed to squeeze his heart for just a moment. The memories came less frequently now, didn't bother him as much anymore once he'd started dating Kat, but Tommy was not at all sure if he already was up to seeing his former girlfriend again. Her letter had hurt him too much for that - especially since he'd poured out his hopes and dreams to her in his own messages not too long before. That she could dismiss his almost-proposal so casually was maybe the worst of all; he'd expected better of the one-time Pink Ranger. 

Once again, Tommy was tempted to pick up the phone, call Coach Schmidt's compound and demand an answer from his former girlfriend in person. Better yet, he wished Zordon hadn't placed such stringent restrictions on the use of the Power Chamber's teleportation system. The first nights after he'd received Kimberly's letter, he'd had to hide his communicator in his desk when he was off-duty, else he disregarded every rule and whizzed down to Florida, to get the truth from Kim in person. 

But, he never did. He'd made a promise and would keep it, even if it killed him inside. And he wasn't at all sure if he _wanted_ to hear from Kim's own lips that they were through. 

So, Tommy got over it. Over Kim. Somewhat. Somehow. Because he had no choice ... at least not if he wanted to keep his sanity intact. 

Having Billy and Kat's support helped. So did being kept extremely busy by Mondo and his goons. Jason returning home unexpectedly from Switzerland had been a Godsend, and not just because he was available to take on the Gold Power from Trey for a while. His closest friend had helped Tommy to work through his anguish and confusion much more than any of the others could have done - because he'd been there from the beginning of his relationship with the petite girl. So had Billy, but while Tommy had become good friends with the team genius over time, their connection had never been as close or intense as the one he'd always shared with Jason. Only with the first Red Ranger could Tommy let go of all the anguish Kim's breakup had caused him. Only with Jason could Tommy let himself truly mourn for what he'd lost. Only with his best friend could he let himself cry. 

~*~ 

But Jason had had to leave again, to recover from nearly losing his life due to the Gold Powers' alien nature. Tommy shuddered at the thought; he honestly didn't know if he could've handled it if Jason had suffered permanent damage because of something he, Tommy, had done. If it hadn't been for his brainstorm, Jason would never have accepted ... no. Of course he would have - he'd have found a way to help. Somehow. Deep down, Tommy knew that the first leader of Earth's Rangers had been destined to don the Gold Ranger's uniform, if only briefly. Besides, everything had turned out well ... Jason lived, and was healthy again. So was Billy, although on an alien planet half a galaxy away. His loss would've been almost as bad. 

The long-haired young man sighed. His mother's brother had called and invited him to the race track, and if he didn't get his butt in gear, he'd be late - a habit he'd only recently managed to break and had no intention to fall back into. Gathering his keys, Tommy went downstairs, left a note for his folks and climbed into his 4 X 4. Concentrating on the road, he drove away, taking his troubled thoughts along. 

_*Kim's coming back. Right. I'll deal with it ... somehow. Because I must.*_

~*~ 

Events conspired against Tommy to ever reply to Jason's letter, or even heed his friend's sensible advice. He never got around to telling the rest of the team about the first Pink Ranger's return, or have a long talk with his Australian girlfriend, so the sight of Kim in Divatox's clutches came as a shock to all of them. 

"Kimberly," he'd breathed, stunned by the rush of conflicting emotions flooding his system. Joy warred with hurt, delight with pain, and recognizing his best friend captive right next to her didn't help much, either. But there was no time to dwell on his personal problems; much more immediate matters were pressing in on all of them. Lerigot giving himself up to Divatox, the threat hanging over their planet and more if Divatox should indeed manage to free the Flame of Destruction ... losing Rocky (if only temporarily) in the middle of a crisis of this magnitude, having to take on new Powers yet _again_ ... it was numbing them all. 

Silently, Tommy just gave thanks that at least this time, colors weren't being shifted around. 

Adjusting to having a twelve-year-old on the team was hard on all of them, although he and Adam, the only 'veterans' left by now, agreed that so far, Justin was turning out to be an unusual but competent replacement for Rocky. Which didn't help the fact that Tommy was more than commonly distracted during their trip to the Nemesis Triangle. 

Then came the next shock. Seeing Jason and Kim suspended over the lava pit had been bad, but it hadn't shaken Tommy's conviction that they, as a team, could save their friends. When the chain broke and both former Rangers plummeted to what they'd thought was certain death had been paralyzing ... but not more than seeing them miraculously restored ... and turned evil. 

Tommy had hardly been able to get past his total devastation. Seeing Kimberly and Jason, the two people who had _always_ stood by him, no matter what, attacking him and the Rangers was ... he didn't even have words to describe how that had made him feel. If he'd felt anything at all except utter shock. No wonder the Red Ranger had nearly lost the fight ... he just _couldn't_ bring himself to hurt his best friend and the girl he'd loved with all his heart - until she'd broken it with a letter just as spring came around the corner. 

_*Thank you, Lerigot,*_ Tommy sent his silent thanks through space to Liaria, where the diminutive wizard lived. _*If your magic hadn't saved Kim ... and Jason ... I dunno if I could have gone on.*_ He had his doubts. 

But, even though it had hurt to see Kim again, captured, evil, more than slightly battered by her experience at the Space Pirate's hands, Tommy hadn't been so caught up in his own problems that he couldn't see what his reactions were doing to Katherine. 

She hid her hurt well during the Muranthias crisis, when he'd so obviously been concerned about Kim instead of her, calling out her name even before Jason's, his inability to come to her, Kat's, aid, but she'd said nothing, instead doing her job as the Pink Ranger as competently as ever and not betraying by a single look or remark how it must have pained her to see her boyfriend so concerned about another woman. 

_*She is too nice, has too much class to say anything, or to let Kim see how much she must resent her reappearance,*_ the young man thought miserably. _*Sometimes I wonder what she sees in me, why she even bothers. I'm certainly not being fair to her. Kat gives so much ... and all I can do is moon over Kimberly, comparing Kat to her when I KNOW I mustn't do that. They ARE different persons, after all.*_

Tommy was uncomfortably aware that he couldn't postpone a _long_ conversation with Kat much longer. He was reasonably certain that his Australian girlfriend wouldn't begrudge him to be concerned about their friends, but his reaction to the first Pink Ranger had been way out of proportion, and he'd better resolve his feelings, fast. 

So, as a result, he was absent-minded and distracted as he prepared for the Karate tournament alongside Adam and Jason, all three dressing in matching _gis_ while the crowd in the packed gym was buzzing excitedly. Tommy was yanked abruptly out of his thoughts and flinched visibly as a large hand came to rest on his shoulder. 

"You okay, Bro?" Jason asked, his dark eyes worried and warm with honest concern. A far cry from the malevolent red glare lighting them so very recently on Muranthias, Tommy couldn't help remembering. 

"Yeah, sure," Tommy mumbled, but before either young man could say more, their coach called them into the arena. The match was a fast and furious one; their opponents skilled and very, very good. But the three friends had not only superb individual skills to call on, they also knew how to function as a team, shifting attacks seamlessly and with utter trust that the others would be there at a glance. They won, to the crowd's roar of delight and the jubilation of their friends and families. When Jason lifted the giant cheque for all to see, guaranteeing the funds for the Little Angels' Home for the next three months, happy pandemonium broke loose. Justin was already clambering up into the ring, and Kat was there at ringside, too, her crystal blue eyes shining with pride and joy as she reached up to her boyfriend. Tommy accepted her embrace spontaneously and with a broad smile, never noticing the petite brown-haired girl standing a little on the outside of their jubilant group. 

Kimberly watched Tommy hug Kat with a sad smile, determinedly swallowing her tears. While it hurt more than she had known it would to see him with another woman, it confirmed her conviction that she'd done the right thing. They made a wonderful couple, and she would have to be blind to miss the obvious caring and affection the Pink and Red Turbo Rangers shared. _*Did it have to happen so soon, though?_* But the timing didn't matter; she wouldn't let it. Tommy's happiness was all that counted. Sighing softly to herself, Kim pasted a bright expression to her face and took a step forward to join her friends. After all, there was a victory party to attend. 

_*Never mind that I just lost everything.. Even hope.*_

~~***~~ 

**Trini to Jason**

_"... Jason, I don't know what's wrong with Kimberly, but something's not right. I've had a chance to meet her when the PanGlobal Winners' Promo Tour stopped in Geneva last month, and I thought I'd see her just as ... as bubbly and vivacious as ever. After all, medaling in two disciplines is quite an accomplishment, and you know how Kim always sparkled when she's done well in a competition. And if winning both a PanGlobal Bronze and Gold isn't doing well, I don't know what is._

_Don't get me wrong, Kim tried. She clearly wanted me to think that everything is fine, but it just ... isn't. It's all pretend somehow, from her excitement over the medals to her joy at seeing me. I'm sure nobody else noticed, but Jase, I've been friends with Kim since second grade; I just know her far too well to accept things at face value. It's as if something has sucked the joy right out of her, as if she's just going through the motions of living. Remember how Tommy was the first time he lost his Powers? How hopeless he looked when he thought we weren't paying attention? That's what I see in Kim these days._

_I so want to help her, but how can I, when she won't talk to me? Jason, I'm going to Paris over Christmas and will stay with Kim's family; if you have any idea at all, please tell me so I can help her; it hurts to see her like this..."_

Jason sighed as he read Trini's letter; while he never got the chance to grill Kim about the break-up with Tommy during their ill-fated diving excursion - and she'd vanished so fast after the victory party that _nobody_ had had the opportunity to sit her down for a serious talk - he had a pretty good idea what might be the cause for the change in their friend. 

"The letter she wrote Tommy," he murmured to himself, sitting down at his desk and getting out his books to start on his homework assignment. "Man, I wish I'd been here when she wrote it." He didn't know if he _could_ have done anything to make matters right for his friends, but couldn't shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe ... however, that particular ship had long left the harbor, and there was no way Jason was able to change now what had happened at the time. 

By now, Tommy refused to talk about the break-up at all - that in itself being a sign that deep down, it still ate at him. The Red Ranger hadn't wanted to burden his best friend with his personal problems during their brief stint as Zeo Rangers, or so he'd claimed; truthfully, they had hardly had time to catch their breaths with all the other things that were going on around them. Graduation and geographical distance right after he'd lost the Gold Powers had also played a part in delaying things, and now, nearly a year later, the right moment to get to the bottom of everything had come and gone several times over - and had been missed every time. 

_*Maybe I should've FORCED Tommy to talk,*_ Jason mused, his mind on anything but the essay he was supposed to write. A fool could see that all was not well about his friend's emotional state, his relationship with Kat notwithstanding. Come to think of it, that wasn't going too well, either. Logically, Kim's quiet withdrawal should have strengthened the budding romance, but Jason had been shocked to see how rocky things had become during his stay at summer school. Instead of growing closer, Tommy and Kat seemed to be imperceptibly drawing apart - something that wasn't helped by the fact that Tommy _still_ carried a picture of Kim in his wallet. Tucked away at the back, yes, but it was still there ... and Kat knew it. The former Gold Ranger couldn't blame the lovely Australian for feeling hurt; who wouldn't be, under the circumstances? Yet outwardly, they acted as if nothing was wrong, as if they were deeply in love, even going so far as making tentative plans for the future. 

_*Thankfully, they're not really serious. Yet.*_

All of them were finding it hard to adjust to civilian life again after months and years of living on the edge day in and day out; the gang were taking each day as it came, easing back into normalcy by degrees and for once letting the future take care of itself. The only ones who had made the transition relatively smoothly were Adam and Tanya. Their chosen careers meshed well, and for once shy Adam had not hesitated to reach out for what he wanted - Tanya was wearing his ring, they shared an apartment and the two planned on getting married as soon as they were finished with their education. 

Sighing, Jason leaned back, his books forgotten. This whole situation was such a mess ... he cared for both Kimberly and Tommy, he had a lot of admiration for Kat as well, but how could he help any of them if they wouldn't tell him - or anybody, for that matter - what was on their minds? 

"I can't do this alone," Jason finally decided. Trini was right, _something_ had gone terribly wrong somewhere, and it just wasn't in any of the Rangers' natures to withhold support from a friend if they could help it. If she could even sense it from a distance ... Ergo, it was up to all of them to at least try to get to the root of the problem. _*Problems, plural.*_ Quickly, Jason rummaged for his calendar and checked the time. If he hurried, he just _might_ catch Adam and Tanya still at home; Adam knew Kim and Tommy, Tanya was Kat's best friend ... maybe together they could find a way out of this whole mess. Sparing only a fleeting thought for his unfinished assignment, Jason jumped up and grabbed his car keys. 

_*Homework can wait; this can't!*_

~*~ 

"I'm sorry, Jason - I don't think I can help," Tanya said, folding Trini's letter and handing it back to him. "I only met Kimberly that one time right after Muranthias, and while we got along well enough, those few days were hardly enough toget to know her. Besides, I wouldn't know what she was like before." 

"A lot more lively than this summer," Adam contributed, handing Jason a drink he'd fetched from the kitchen. The slim Asian sank onto the couch next to Tanya, sporting a pensive frown. "I hadn't thought about it before - after all, we were kinda distracted at the time, remember? - but Trini's right. It's as if Kim has lost that ... that spark she always seemed to have." 

"That's the impression I had, too, when I invited her to go scuba diving," Jason murmured gloomily, sipping his soda. "Only, the way things turned out, it wasn't really cut out to make her confide in anybody, was it?" 

"What happened to you both wasn't your fault, Jason," Tanya said immediately, leaning forward and laying a comforting hand on his knee. "It was Divatox, and Maligore's. You couldn't have known that she'd pick _that_ weekend to try and invade Earth." Adam nodded in assent, smiling reassuringly at his former teammate. 

"Tanya's right, man. Besides, if it hadn't been you, she'd have tried to feed Bulk and Skull to Maligore. Can you imagine _them_ claiming to be his children?" 

"He'd have disowned them right away and spit them out even faster than Kim and you," Tanya snorted, unable to suppress the acerbic comment. "Instead of world domination, all _they_'d have given him would've been one giant case of indigestion!" 

Startled, the two young men looked at the erstwhile Yellow Ranger, who met their dark eyes defiantly. "Well, they would!" Then, the silliness of the idea struck all three, and they broke into laughter, dispelling the somber mood Jason had brought. 

After a minute or so, Jason sobered again. He picked up Trini's letter and put it back into his wallet, sighing deeply. "That still doesn't help me with what to do about the whole Tommy/Kim/Kat mess, though," he muttered. Debating silently with himself for a bit, he then decided that it couldn't hurt to share some impressions. He knew that neither Adam nor Tanya would carry their conversation further than this room. Still, his voice was hesitant as he voiced his vague concerns for the first time. 

"Guys ... please don't take this wrong, I don't want to make trouble for anybody, but ... is it just me, or are things between Tommy and Kat not quite the way they used to be, before you guys got the Turbo Powers? Or even should be?" 

His remark was met by a thoughtful silence as Tanya shared a glance with Adam, who shrugged, then smiled a bit wryly. "No, it's not just you," he admitted finally. "As a matter of fact, Tanya said something to me along those lines not very long ago." 

The dark-skinned girl lifted a cautionary hand. "Mind, Kat hasn't said anything to me; actually, the one time I asked about how things stood between her and Tommy, she was positively gushing about how wonderful everything was. It's more in the things she _doesn't_ say that make me think not everything's as rosy as they both want us to believe." 

"Like what?" Jason asked, intrigued. Tanya's remark expressed quite neatly what he'd felt whenever Tommy mentioned his girlfriend in his presence. The right words were all there, but they seemed to lack a certain depth, or conviction lately. 

The ex-Yellow Ranger frowned slightly, trying to pinpoint what was so difficult to define. 

"I don't really know," she mused, remembering conversations she'd had with her best friend. "It's hard to describe ... it's almost as if Kat was trying not only to convince me, but most of all _herself_ that everything's just fine between her and Tommy." 

"Like she was just going through the motions? Saying and doing what she thinks she _should_ feel, not what she _does_ feel?" 

"That's maybe a bit harsh, but yeah." 

"But why?" Jason exclaimed frustratedly, jumping up and starting to pace. "I thought that Tommy had put Kim behind him, that he'd come to terms with things. Why else would he have asked Kat out in the first place? From what you told me, Adam, he was almost as bashful about it as when he was in the beginning with Kimberly ..." He could still vividly recall Zack's chortling report. Of course, losing the Green Ranger Powers before he even got up the courage to ask her for a date had overshadowed a lot of things, but it had all worked out so well then ... 

Adam shrugged helplessly. 

"I really don't know," he admitted. "They certainly seemed happy enough to me, the last time I've seen them together." 

Tanya made a small, involuntary noise, and found both young men looking at her curiously. Jason resumed his seat, waiting for her to continue. Blushing, she squirmed a little, but realized she'd have to talk if they wanted to find a way to help their friends. 

"Well," she said slowly, "I don't know if you ever noticed, Adam, but Kat has had a _huge_ crush on Tommy ever since she met him. Aisha mentioned something like that when she told me about all of you guys, and I could see for myself that it was true once I came to Angel Grove." 

"She had?" Adam was clearly surprised. 

"Oh yes. Only, Tommy was still with Kim, and Kat never wanted to come between them, or so she told me - especially not after everything Kim had done for her after she'd shaken off Rita's spell. But when that letter came ... she might as well have been wearing a neon sign." 

"Really?" 

"Yes, really," Tanya confirmed, just the tiniest bit exasperated. Didn't the guys have eyes to see? "Don't tell me you never noticed that Kat was wearing a necklace and even a sweater with Tommy's Zeo symbol! Or that she was always mooning over him when she thought nobody was looking? Heck, she even set up that romantic dinner with whatshername, that snowboarding champ, to help him get over Kimberly!" 

"Oh boy," Jason muttered. "She must really have had it bad. And knowing how dense Tommy can be at times ..." 

"Exactly." 

The former Green Turbo Ranger leaned back, a puzzled frown on his face as he mulled over his fiancée's words, trying to remember those days. He could call up a few vague impressions, but they'd all been too busy fighting the Machine Empire, coping with a new set of Powers, losing Billy ... not to mention that his own attention had been far more concentrated on Tanya than any other girl before or since. 

"I don't get it," he finally sighed. "If Kat was so much after Tommy, why would she now be losing interest? Or he in her? That _is_ what you're both saying, right?" 

"It certainly seems that way," Tanya admitted somewhat reluctantly after sharing a confirming glance with their visitor. 

"Beats me," Jason shrugged next. "When I came back, Tommy already seemed to have only eyes for her." He emptied his glass, then looked thoughtful. "Although ... at the time, I kinda thought it was awfully fast for Tommy to date another girl." 

"Could it be that it was more defiance than anything else for him?" Tanya ventured after a brief silence. "You know, sort of to show everybody that he was over Kim, that he could find someone new when she had, too ..." 

"Possible," Jason conceded. "If he thought he needed to salvage his pride ... or save face ... whatever." 

"But what about Kat?" Adam queried. "Even if she _was_ head over heels for Tommy, wouldn't she have noticed somehow that he wasn't really in love with her?" This whole discussion made him vaguely uncomfortable; not only because he was talking about his friends behind their backs, but also because this kind of introspection was very foreign to him - despite his customary sensitivity. 

"Not if she'd convinced herself that he was Mr. Right - that it was more than just a crush," Tanya thought out loud. 

"And not if Tommy was playing possum - hiding from his problems and unresolved issues instead of facing them. Man, I thought we'd taught him to get over that tendency of his!" The first Red Ranger shook his head. "When I think back on how hard it was to get him to talk out his guilt over his stint as the Evil Green Ranger ... I'd honestly believed he'd learned his lesson!" 

"Apparently not." Her dry remark made Adam and Jason chuckle involuntarily, and Tanya spun the thought out further. "In any case, looks as if both Tommy and Kat are trying to live an illusion, and now, when they're apart so much - she studying in London, he on the racing circuit - it's beginning to fall apart bit by bit." 

"They're still fighting for their relationship," Jason reminded them, feeling as if his talk with his friends had given him at least _some_ insight into what was going on with his best friend. "I can't help but wonder, though - is that a good thing? And what can we do about Kim? From what Trini said in her letter, she's not as happy as she wants us to believe, either." 

"I don't know," Adam and Tanya chorused, grinning briefly. "Whatever it is, we'll have to let them find out for themselves. All three of them." The dark-skinned young woman was adamant in her conviction. 

"Yeah. And be there for them when the brown stuff hits the fan," Adam added. 

"Eeeeewww!!! That's gross!" 

"True, though." Jason snickered at Tanya's disgusted expression and heaved himself to his feet again. Getting serious once more, he took his leave. "Thanks for letting me come and talk, guys," he thanked the couple earnestly. "At least I know that I'm not totally out of line with what I thought I've seen." 

"You're not. And thanks for taking us in your confidence," Tanya replied, hugging her friend warmly as they escorted Jason to the door. "It's just a shame we can't help more." 

_*But they DID help,*_ Jason mused as he drove home. _*Just having someone to talk things over with always does. If only Kat, Kim and Tommy realized that! Well ... I just hope they know who to come to when they're ready!*_

Feeling at least a little relieved, he turned his mind reluctantly back towards his homework assignment, postponing giving Trini a reply until another day. 

~~***~~ 

**Kat to Tommy**

_"...I've just returned from my vacation trip to the Continent. We were nine people, from all over Europe (well, except me, of course), and everybody played tourist guide to the rest. So, within three weeks, we got to see places that were both touristy and things only a native can show you properly. We took a ferry to Calais, went all the way south through France to the Côte d'Azure, then drove along the coast to Monaco and Italy. All the while I kept thinking how much you'd have loved driving along the Corniche ...those winding curves are a challenge for every driver! And the view over the Mediterranean is just awesome! Anyway, from there we went North again, through Switzerland into Austria, then on to Germany, a quick visit across the border into Denmark, then back to Calais via the Netherlands and Belgium. It was so much fun, but also terribly confusing ... a good thing we always had at least one person along who spoke the local language! Oh, I've got to tell you what happened in Bellinzona ... that's in Switzerland, but the Italian-speaking part. Anyway, Luigi, who's from Sicily, was trying to show us the absolutely right way of how a Sicilian pizza is prepared, dragged us to this perfectly awful little place, and ..."_

Tommy smiled as he read the really quite humorous account of how misunderstandings occurred just because of differences in dialect, and quickly scanned the rest of Kat's letter. He had been on the circuit for nearly six weeks, and only now come back to Angel Grove. His parents would only forward his business mail, keeping personal messages for his increasingly infrequent visits home; maybe not the best way to handle things, but the only way Tommy could think of without having to hire some kind of secretary. And despite his growing popularity on the stock car circuit, he still wanted to keep his private life just that - private. _*Good thing the gang all know and accept that.*_

However, it made communication with his girlfriend problematic at times, especially when Kat took off from London to somewhere else, like this trip. Not that he begrudged her the relaxation or the fun, but deep down he would have preferred to know where she was at any given time; no doubt a legacy of the time when his family had moved around so much before settling in this California town that had become his home. 

The truth of the matter was, Tommy Oliver wanted roots. Needed them in a way he hadn't known he did until he'd found a home with his friends in Angel Grove. And while his own current lifestyle and choice of profession was by necessity rather nomadic, he also knew that it was only temporary, not meant to be permanent. 

He searched for and found the snippets where Kat told him she'd missed him, that she _had_ wished to share things with him, and it was gratifying to know that she felt that way, but Tommy still felt curiously unsettled by her message. 

_*Something's missing.*_

The thought came out of nowhere, and impatiently Tommy shook it off. Kat's letter was perfectly fine; she was thinking of him, she hoped to see him maybe for Christmas, she even signed it with "Love you, Kat." What more did he want? It was probably just his exhaustion from a long three-day drive halfway across the country on top of a particularly grueling race beset by technical problems which only through sheer luck had resulted in yet another third place. Tommy Oliver had yet to win his first title, but he was coming up in the rankings, slowly but surely. Soon, he'd cross the finish line ahead of all others, he felt confident about it. All he needed was just a little more patience. 

"Easier said than done, though," he murmured ruefully to himself. Whatever; for now he had a month of well-deserved vacation time coming, and he intended to make the most of it - from enjoying his mother's cooking to sleeping in his own bed every night to reconnecting with all of his friends still living in or close to Angel Grove. Energetically, Tommy bounded down the stairs from his old room; he'd already sampled his favorite dishes and slept as much as he could during the past two days. Now it was time to meet the gang. 

~*~ 

"Tommy, I got a letter from Kat the other day," Tanya called from the kitchen where she was helping Sarah, Rocky's girlfriend, to transfer the chili they'd cooked into serving bowls, grating cheese and cutting up long sticks of French bread. "It's in my purse; you can read it if you like." 

"Maybe later, thanks," Tommy replied, grinning thankfully at his friend. He truly appreciated Tanya's generosity in sharing parts of Kat's missives with him; often he learned little things about her day-to-day life she didn't tell him about for various reasons. Or she'd mention to Tanya when he was inadvertently neglecting her due to a busy schedule, or upsetting her somehow, rather than complain to him directly. It gave him a chance to make amends without being too blatant about it. But right now, even news of his girlfriend could wait; his stomach was growling loudly, and the savory smells wafting from the kitchen made his mouth water. Yelling to Adam and Jason, who were out in the Parks' driveway shooting hoops, to get their butts in gear and come inside, he relieved Rocky of glasses and drinks, deftly opening bottles as the friends gathered around the large kitchen table to share their monthly reunion dinner. Whoever was in town attended unfailingly, bringing Significant Others was optional, and none of them would have missed it for the world. 

The meal was a noisy affair, sprinkled with much laughter and good-natured teasing as they talked about their various jobs, ranging from Sarah's florist shop to Tommy's racing, and yet during a lull later on Tommy managed to find a quiet corner in which to read Tanya's letter from Kat. Unfolding the pale pink stationery, wondering briefly why Tanya had given him the whole letter this time instead of just reading excerpts to him like she usually did, he quickly scanned the chatty message. It became apparent very soon why there had been no need to edit for privacy. 

Kat told about her studies, her trip to the Continent, the things she'd seen ... that she'd missed showing things to Tommy ... and not much else. Frowning, Tommy read the letter a second time. Nothing new here; none of the small hints and subtle remarks concerning him or their relationship he'd come to expect from Kat. But before he could take yet another, closer look, he was distracted by something Rocky said, then forgot about it until he was back home later that night, already in bed and staring into the darkness while he waited to fall asleep. 

_*What's wrong with me? Why do I think that there's something weird about Kat's letter to me? She told me the same things she wrote to Tanya.*_ Tommy's thoughts were running in circles on this; even after re-reading his own letter, he just couldn't put a finger on what he found so unsettling about it. 

_*Kat sounded happy and carefree, as if she was enjoying herself. I ... I don't begrudge her that, do I?*_ he asked himself, but after a minute of soul-searching had to admit that he honestly didn't. If he felt anything at all, it was regret that they _couldn't_ share a lot of things due to their separation, but after all, there was no reason why they couldn't do so later, once Kat came home again, was there? No, his unease had to have another reason. 

Rolling onto his back, Tommy lay in his darkened room, thinking hard. He mentally compared his and Tanya's letters bit by bit, and came to the conclusion that they were nearly identical in most details. Suddenly, his eyes flew open. 

"That's it!" he exclaimed, remembering at the last instant to keep his voice down in order not to wake his parents. Reaching over to his nightstand, he switched on his lamp and dug out Kat's letter once more. Re-reading the friendly words, he realized that his sudden insight was quite correct - his girlfriend had written what basically was a neutral report that could've been directed at _anybody_; there was nothing - well, very little, anyway - that made it special for someone who was supposed to be her Significant Other. Looking over her letter, Tommy searched for the small things he'd been used to reading ... the intimate references, for want of a better word. Yes, Kat said she missed him, yes, she wished he was with her, but ... she'd told Tanya much the same things. In almost the same words. 

_*Man, why didn't I see it before?* he ruminated, now fully awake. *Kat's letter to me ... it was a letter to a FRIEND, nothing more. Not what you send someone you're in love with.*_

Slowly, he tucked the letter into his drawer again and switched off the nightlight. As he lay back against his pillow and his eyes gradually got used to the darkness again, the young man mentally tasted the situation, not sure whether he liked the flavor. 

_*Could it be that in the two years she's been in England Kat has found someone else, like Kim did? And she's afraid to tell me? Or...*_ without anything concrete to go on, Tommy squelched his suspicions before they could fully form. Maybe Kat wasn't really aware of what she'd written; in any case, he was too tired right now to think this through. He'd be better off sleeping over it, then maybe talk the matter over with Jason or Tanya before he took any action. Sighing, he drew up his blanket and tucked a hand under his neck as he waited for sleep to claim him. Not an easy task with his thoughts chasing each other's tails like playful puppies. 

Somehow or other, though, Tommy was convinced he'd hit the right explanation, and for a second experienced a dull pain ... which faded into a distant ache almost immediately. He wondered briefly why that should be so; weren't Kat and he just as much in love as he'd ever been with Kimberly? However, realizing that Kim didn't share his feelings, had found someone else, had been a sharp agony that had numbed him inside and out for days. Wrapping his mind around the idea that whatever he'd shared with her successor might be changing into something less intense was somehow far easier and much less painful, making Tommy wonder if he just was getting used to losing the girls he loved, or ... he drifted off into a surprisingly deep sleep while still wrestling with the problem. 

~*~ 

"Have you asked Kat about any of this? If she's started to feel differently about you?" 

Tommy gave Jason a guilty glance and shrugged. 

"Not yet. I ... what if she has? I don't think I really want to know, y'know ..." 

Jason shot his best friend a thoroughly exasperated look. Really, for all his leadership abilities and intelligence, sometimes Tommy could be incredibly dense. Especially when it concerned his personal life. Well, not this time. Jason had not been there to talk some sense into Tommy the last time his girlfriend sent him a message that made him uneasy (to put it mildly), but he was here now, and by God, he'd do his utmost to save _this_ relationship - if there still was something to be saved. Deep down, Jason was beginning to have strong doubts, but kept them to himself. First, there were options to explore. _*Time for some home truths, Bro!*_

"You wanna make the same mistake you made with Kim? Because you are, y'know." 

"I am? How?" Try as he might, Tommy couldn't keep the defensiveness out of his voice. 

"You're playing ostrich again. From what Adam and Rocky told me, you never even called Kim once when she broke up with you, just accepted her letter at face value. Did it ever occur to you that there might've been more to the situation than met the eye? That it was totally unlike Kim to send you a 'Dear John' letter?" 

Tommy stared holes in the carpet under his feet as he squirmed mentally and physically on Jason's futon couch. He'd come over to vent a little with his friend, to gripe about the impersonal-ness of Kat's last letter, not to have his love life analyzed - or so he'd thought. 

_*Doesn't look likely, though,*_ he mused, surprised at finding himself much less reluctant to do so than he'd thought. _*Jase has that bulldog look about him; he'll not let me off the hook until we've hashed this through.*_ Realizing Jason was still waiting for him to answer, he shrugged. 

"Not at the time, no," he mumbled, feeling the pain of that moment anew. "It ... it just hurt too much to think ..." 

"I understand, Bro," Jason said immediately, with an understanding smile and a brief touch to Tommy's shoulder. His own relationship with Emily hadn't lasted, but at least they'd been able to part without any major fireworks. Still, it hadn't been easy - the spirited blonde wasn't someone to forget easily. However, this was about Tommy, not the current lack of romance in his own life. If nothing else, Tommy was asking for help this time, not pretending he could handle everything on his own. 

"But later?" Jason prodded relentlessly. "Why didn't you call her later?" 

"When did I have time?" Tommy protested, stung. "You _know_ what things were like then - finding David, Billy gone half the time, Trey, you coming back and nearly dying because of the Gold Powers _I_ made you take -" 

"You didn't _make_ me take anything, and you know it," Jason interrupted. "Stop trying to change the subject, man!" 

"Yeah, well, things were pretty crazy all around," Tommy sighed, lost in his memories for a moment. "And when I started dating Kat, I thought, what's the use? Kim didn't want me anymore, so why rake everything up again? Besides, it'd have hurt Kat." 

The broad-shouldered young man huffed impatiently. "You give Kat too little credit. Tom, she _knew_ how much Kimberly had meant to you, how much you were hurting. If you'd asked her, she would've understood that you needed to talk to Kim, that you needed some kind of closure." 

"Again, when did I have the time? Getting used to our new Powers, learning how Divatox operated, dealing with Dimitria and her infernal questions wasn't exactly a walk in the park, you know. Never mind having to replace Rocky with Justin and the little fact that racing is a different kind of day job than being in school!" 

"Okay, but if you really wanted to, you could've _made_ the time before Kim returned to Florida. Kat wouldn't have minded missing a date if it had eased your mind. As a matter of fact, she was waiting for you to do just that after Muranthias." 

"How do you know that?" 

Trying to overlook the guilty expression coloring Tommy's tanned cheeks, Jason rolled his eyes. 

"Because she told me, blockhead. In case you haven't noticed, Kat and I got along quite well, even outside Rangering. After all, we always had _you_ to bitch about," Jason grinned. 

"Oh." 

"Yeah, oh. So, _are_ you gonna talk to her or not?" 

"She won't be home until Christmas, if then," Tommy hedged, but his best friend had a solution even for that. Summoning all the patience he could muster, Jason shot down any objection Tommy might have found before he could even think of them. 

"Tommy, you're on vacation right now and don't have any races scheduled for the next two months. I'm sure if you asked him, your uncle would give you time off to deal with this. You won enough in your last four races to afford a plane ticket to London, especially since it's off-season and prices are down. Kat is back at school in London and not going anywhere. You even still have your passport from that school trip to Australia - if you haven't let it lapse." Tommy shook his head 'no' rather bemusedly, and Jason grinned; he knew John Rush would have made sure of that, just in case his team ever went to compete abroad. "Did I miss any reason why you can't go see her right now?" he challenged with a twinkle in his dark eyes. 

"You know you haven't," Tommy grumbled, but a small grin was twitching the corners of his mouth. "You really think I should do it?" 

"Yes, I do," Jason assured his best friend. "Tommy, you know you'll have to do it eventually, or you'll make both Kat and yourself miserable. Better to be sure than drawing things out unnecessarily, don't you agree?" 

The long-haired young man sighed deeply, then slowly sat up. He conceded reluctantly, "I guess you're right." 

"I always am," Jason deadpanned, relieved that this had gone fairly well, all things considered. 

"Yeah, right. Not!" Tommy snorted, throwing a stuffed red dragon toy at Jason, who defended himself laughingly. "Okay, I'll call Uncle John next week and ask for time off..." 

"Oh no, you don't. Next week you'll have come up with a dozen excuses why you can't, or shouldn't fly to London, after all. I know you too well, Bro. You're going to call your uncle _now_ while I'm going to look for a flight," Jason told him in a voice that brooked no argument, sitting down at his desk and booting up his computer. "Go on, make your call so I can go online!" 

Jason _was_ right, there really was no reason for procrastinating. That didn't mean he had to like it, though. Shooting Jason a dirty look, Tommy sighed and reached for the phone. "You can be an absolute pain in the ass sometimes, you know that?" 

"Yes. Now call!" 

Turning his back on Jason's smug grin, muttering dire threats about meddlesome friends under his breath, Tommy began to dial. 

~~***~~ 

**Tommy to Kat**

_"*** Coming on British Airways Flight 2571***Los Angeles into Heathrow***Arrival Time Friday, 10.33am***"_

It was a shame she didn't have email; communicating with her friends would be much easier through the internet, but she just couldn't afford a computer right now. Until that changed, other, more traditional means would have to be enough. Kat checked Tommy's telegram once again for the flight number as she exited the Underground station at Heathrow Airport, then stuck it back into her purse and made her way to one of the display screens to check on the arrival gates. Tommy's flight wasn't yet in, so she took her time strolling through the busy hallways, window-shopping a little, picking up a magazine and a cup of tea on the way. She was lucky; there was a row of seats in line-of-sight of the customs exit, and she claimed one of the plastic chairs to wait the remaining time. 

While she was sipping her tea and leafing through her magazine, Kat thought back to Tommy's terse phone call at the beginning of the week. Her boyfriend hadn't given any specific reason for his surprise visit, just asked if she was free and dashed off a telegram with his flight information right afterwards. While the blonde dancer was honestly delighted that Tommy was coming, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was up; why else would he go to the trouble of flying halfway around the world to visit her? 

_*It must be pretty serious, or Tommy would have talked on the phone about whatever's bothering him; after all, transatlantic calls may cost an arm and a leg, but NOT as much as a plane ticket!*_

Well, whatever it was, she'd know soon enough, Kat mused as the PA system blared to life, announcing Tommy's flight. She wandered by the nearest trash bin, dumped her paper cup and then took up a position right at the barrier outside customs, where Tommy couldn't possibly miss her. Ten minutes later, the metal gate opened for the first time, and while Tommy wasn't the first to make it through, Kat caught a glimpse of the tall young man as he opened his single carry-on bag for a customs official. She fidgetted impatiently, excitement lending a very attractive flush to her porcelain skin, and had to suppress a schoolgirl-like squeal of joy when Tommy finally walked through the sliding doors, juggling luggage, passport and ticket as he looked around for her. 

"Tommy!" 

The brown eyes lit up and a pleased smile warmed Kat's heart as Tommy heard and saw her. Hurrying around the barrier, he let his bag drop and caught Kat in a crushing hug, burying his face in her golden locks as he held her close. Her magazine fell unheeded to the floor, but neither cared; they were too happy to see each other again. 

"God, I missed you," Tommy murmured when he could bring himself to let go a little at last, drawing back slightly to look into the sparkling blue eyes so close to his own. 

"Me, too," Kat answered, smiling brilliantly, and kissed him, giggling giddily at the surprised look crossing his face. A less friendly observer might even say that Tommy looked somewhat scandalized about this public display of affection. While they certainly had shared more passionate kisses than this rather chaste peck on the lips, they'd rarely done so when not alone, and for a nanosecond Kat felt an upsurge of an old, old resentment - _*He never had any reservations about kissing Kim when anybody could see them!*_ - but it was gone almost as soon as it had come. Kimberly was Tommy's past, she was his present; had been that for nearly three years. So what was there for her to worry about? Kat steered Tommy towards the Underground entrance, determinedly ignoring the tiny little voice at the back of her mind which asked quietly, _but are you his future?_

The two talked quietly on the hour-long ride from Heathrow into London, catching up on their lives and their friends. There seemed to be an undercurrent of tension between them now that the first rush of excitement at seeing each other again was over, but a crowded public transport car was hardly the place to have a serious conversation; besides, Tommy was vainly trying to smother his yawns when they got up to change lines. 

"Sorry," he mumbled, smiling sheepishly after yet another jaw-cracker he'd failed to hide while Kat was guiding him through the maze of tunnels towards the southbound platforms of something called "District Line". Kat smiled back and took his hand, dragging him along towards a row of _very_ steep escalators. 

"It's okay, Tommy, don't worry. I know how bad jet lag can be." 

"Is that what it is? _*yawn*_ Man, I can't seem to stop!" 

She gave him a fondly exasperated look over her shoulder as they rode down to a lower level. 

"Have you slept at all on the plane, Tommy?" 

"Er ... no," he admitted. "They showed this really cool movie after dinner I've wanted to see for ages, I was kinda excited about all of this - my first time outside the US - seeing you again, and besides ..." he stopped, blushing slightly. Tired as he was, he forgot completely about his Australian adventure; in any case, at the time the Rangers had been too distracted by Rita and Zedd's wedding shenanigans to bother much about long flights, being on foreign soil or anything else. 

"Besides what?" Kat prodded gently, having a pretty good idea what else had kept Tommy from sleeping. 

"Well ... I had an aisle seat, near the pantry, and the flight attendants kept bumping into me," he complained. "Or made me drink gallons of ice water, or asked me if I wanted to buy stuff, or eat something, or ... whatever. Every time I managed to drop off, somebody jostled my elbow and woke me up again!" His voice sounded rather petulant and offended, as if the flight personnel had been on a personal vendetta against him, and Kat was very thankful that their train whooshed to the platform right then and she could hide her slight smirk. _*Poor Tommy! Welcome to the joys of transatlantic flights!*_

Against the rattles and groans of the train, she quietly assured him, "That's pretty much the norm; the same thing happens to me every time I fly back home, or return to London. And there's really no wonder you're tired; haven't you done the math yet? It's past noon here now; that makes it 4am in California!" 

Tommy checked his watch, then forced his increasingly sluggish brain to function once more. "Oh right, there's an eight-hour time difference, isn't there?" He yawned again. 

"Exactly. So what do you say we'll go to my place, you can lie down for a couple of hours, then we'll do a little sightseeing so you can stretch your muscles, have an early dinner and leave everything else until tomorrow? I cleared my weekend practices, so we won't have to worry about a thing except what to do." 

"Sounds perfect," Tommy said, squeezing Kat's hand gratefully. Now that he was with her, seeing her genuine delight about his visit, he began asking himself if his sometimes overactive imagination hadn't been playing tricks on him. Maybe Kat had been too busy or otherwise distracted when she'd sent him that last letter, or he was reading a meaning (or lack of it) into things that simply didn't exist, or ... he realized his thoughts were running in circles again. Well, 'running' was being very generous; 'crawling' was much closer to the truth. _*Kat's right, I need to get some sleep,*_ Tommy decided, not at all dismayed at being able to postpone a potentially unpleasant discussion. _*I'll think about it tomorrow.*_

Unaware that he was doing a very creditable imitation of Scarlett O'Hara, he followed Kat out the Underground station onto a busy London street, walking as briskly as he could towards her small apartment. 

~*~ 

Tommy awoke in his shoebox of a guest room on Saturday morning, feeling reasonably rested after about eight hours of sleep. He lay on the folding cot, his hands folded behind his head and stared at the ceiling; he'd thought that the silly glow-in-the-dark stars Kat's absent roommate had stuck there would keep him awake, but his nap the previous afternoon had hardly banished his fatigue, and after a very good Chinese buffet dinner at a nearby eatery he'd had no trouble falling asleep at all. However, his stomach informed him in no uncertain terms that it was high time to send some food its way or else slit his throat and be done with it, so muttering sleepily to himself Tommy padded into the bathroom for a pit stop, then followed his nose into the kitchen. 

"Coffee," he mumbled to the room at large, still barely conscious. The glass pot filled with dark liquid beckoned him from the counter and he made a beeline towards it, only to be brought up short when there was no convenient cabinet holding mugs above it, like in his mother's kitchen back home. Tommy shook himself briefly like a wet dog, making an effort to pry his eyes open. "Uuungh." 

From her perch on a kitchen chair, Kat watched her boyfriend with scarcely-concealed amusement. She'd heard the other male Rangers tell stories about Tommy's need for a caffeine fix first thing in the morning, but had had no chance to observe it first-hand, until now. It certainly proved to be ... educational. Her grin broadened as he groped for words, wakefulness and/or kitchen utensils and could find neither, but she took pity on him when the sleepy brown eyes finally met hers, looking adorably lost. 

"Here," she offered him a large cup, then unceremoniously steered him towards a chair. "Sit, and I'll pour; you're liable to flood the kitchen otherwise." 

"Mrp." 

Kat couldn't hold back her laughter any longer. Filling Tommy's mug with steaming hot coffee, she added some to her own cup, then sipped slowly while he dived into the dark brew. Gradually, as the caffeine kicked in, his eyes cleared and he smiled sleepily at her, signalling his thanks with a look of pure gratitude. 

"Morning," he yawned. "Um. Sorry. Thanks." He drained his cup, then reached for the coffee pot again. Pouring a second helping, he finally focussed on the blonde. "You're a lifesaver," he sighed, indicating the coffee. "How'd you know ..." 

Kat grinned and winked. 

"Rocky," she divulged. "And Jason. Adam. Billy. Everybody, really, who's ever had the, er, privilege of your scintillating company first thing in the morning. _Before_ your first swallow." 

"Yeah, well, they're not all _that_ sociable either," Tommy grumbled, vowing to inflict mayhem on his traitorous friends first chance he got. "You should have seen Billy; he needs at least two chocolate-glazed cream-filled donuts each morning before he's halfway coherent. And Rocky always goes for the salsa first." 

"Eew! Billy's sugar rush is bad enough, but salsa? Who in their right minds eats _salsa_ for breakfast?" 

Tommy chuckled. "Nobody ever said Rocky is in his right mind. Especially not about food." He dodged the Cheerio Kat lobbed at his head with a playful scowl, having had lots of practice with his friends. Who were far more likely to dump the whole box over his head. "Hey, don't throw things at me!" 

"I won't, if you don't start being nice," she pouted, but the twinkle in her blue eyes betrayed her merriment. "If that's how you talk about your guy friends, I wonder what you're telling them about me!" 

The smile Tommy gave her was part devilish, part loving, and very sexy; as always, it made Kat's heartbeat stumble just a little bit. He reached over and drew her hand to his lips. Kissing her fingertips lightly, he raised an eyebrow and pursed his mouth speculatively before answering. "That you look very lovely right out of bed." 

She blushed, and withdrew her hand, pleased yet flustered. "Oh, you ...!" To cover her sudden confusion - while she knew Tommy had been sincere, there had been an undertone to the slightly suggestive compliment she couldn't quite identify - Kat jumped up and moved purposefully towards the refrigerator. "Okay, so what do you want for breakfast? I'll cook today, to honor the occasion of your visit," she teased him. "Then, we're going to do some _serious_ sightseeing. I can't wait to show you all my favorite places!" 

The young man groaned comically. "Well, in that case, I'd better fuel up for the day, hadn't I? How about a traditional, full English breakfast?" 

_*Ouch.*_Kat winced inwardly. She could manage the toast and bacon, the eggs, grilled mushrooms, bangers and tomatoes, but the porridge was quite another matter. Oh well, she'd offered; maybe she'd get lucky this once. Meanwhile, she would start off easy; maybe Tommy would be too full by the time she got around to preparing the gooey concoction. "Here, you can start with this," she declared, handing him the box of Cheerios, a bottle of milk and a bowl. _*After all, he hasn't got hollow legs like Rocky ... I hope!*_

~*~ 

Saturday afternoon found the two ex-Rangers strolling hand in hand through Hyde Park, towards the Serpentine. Kat had bought some birdseed and was soon surrounded by a small flock of multicolored ducks, scrambling for the treat she was liberally distributing. Tommy had retreated to a nearby bench, enjoying the late-fall sunshine and resting his aching feet while watching her, an indulgent smile on his face. He reflected briefly how the long flight yesterday had made him long for some exercise, but the pavement pounding Kat had subjected him to on their day-long sightseeing tour made him realize that he was more out of shape than he'd thought he'd be. Racing required fitness as well, but a different kind of exercise than his karate or being a Ranger demanded. 

_*Man, this was as bad as end-of-season sales at the mall with Kim,*_ he groused inwardly, then felt as if he'd been doused with a bucketful of cold water as he was abruptly reminded why he'd come all the way to talk with Kat. All day long, while he'd truly enjoyed playing tourist, he'd been looking for hints in Kat's behaviour that might have given him a clue if her feelings towards him had changed, but there had been nothing ... nothing at all. Kat had smiled and laughed and flirted with him, hugged him freely and responded willingly to whatever affectionate displays he was willing to share in public. And yet - and yet Tommy couldn't shake the feeling that there was something ... not wrong, exactly, but ... off, somehow. He sighed softly; seemed as if there was no other choice than bring it out into the open. He rose from his comfortable slouch, ready to call Kat away from the ducks, when she sat down next to him, her rosy lips still smiling at the last hungry waterfowl demanding more with an indignant 'quack', but her eyes searched his face with a slightly puzzled expression. 

"What's wrong, Tommy?" 

Irrationally, now that the opportunity he'd waited for was there, Tommy found himself hedging. 

"Nothing's wrong," he protested automatically. 

"Then why did you come here? This is so out of the blue ..." 

"Can't I just visit you when I have the chance?" 

"Of course, it's just ... I've been here for two years, and you've _never_ visited me before." 

"I didn't exactly swim in money," he answered, a touch defensively. "Not that I do now, but at least I've won enough purses recently to be able to afford this." His gesture indicated that he meant both time _and_ funds. 

Kat considered this; her own semi-regular flights to the US were only possible because her father, due to his job which required a lot of travelling, accumulated plenty of frequent flyer miles to help cover expenses. Without that, and her student discount, she would be relegated to the once-a-year flight home her scholarship entailed. She nodded in understanding. "Okay. But why _now_, all of a sudden? You knew I was coming home for Christmas; that's only 10 weeks from now. What's so important that you couldn't wait that long?" 

A million possible answers flitted through Tommy's brain, in addition to the ten million he'd come up with ever since he'd gotten Kat's last letter ... and none seemed quite correct. He opened and closed his mouth a few times while he was still sifting and discarding possible ways of expressing himself, but in the end he just blurted out what he'd asked Jason: "Why did you write the same letter to both Tanya and me?" 

Whatever she had expected, it certainly wasn't _this_. 

"I did ... what?!?" 

Drawing a deep breath, trying to marshal his thoughts into some semblance of coherency, Tommy started to explain. 

"... so, when I started to compare the two messages, they seemed to be almost identical; I mean, your letter to me was nice as always, it was fun to read, but ..." he shrugged helplessly, unable to put into words what had disturbed him so. Kat regarded him quizzically. 

"I didn't know Tanya gave you my letters to read," she said slowly, the hurt at her best friend's apparent betrayal visible on her smooth features. "They weren't meant for you; I had thought better of her." 

Horrified, Tommy realized what Kat must be thinking. He reached for her hand and hastened to reassure her. 

"No ... no, honey, it wasn't like that! Tanya never showed me anything really confidential - you know she'd never betray your trust like that! But you know that all of us share news about the whole gang whenever someone gets a letter, don't you?" 

Kat summoned a wobbly smile. "I ... I guess. Wasn't it Rocky who said it's a great way to save on postage?" she joked feebly, still not sure whether to be furious or not. 

"Yeah - write one, tell all," Tommy confirmed, giving her fingers a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "Anyway, what Tanya _did_ do sometimes was tell me things that you said were bothering you - like that time right after I went on the road with Uncle John the first time and didn't stop talking about hanging out in bars with the crew all the time. You were worried that I might be tempted to start drinking or something, but didn't want to nag me, in case I might feel smothered. Remember?" 

Actually, it had more been a fear of losing him to some pit-stop groupie, but Kat let it ride. She gulped down a sniffle. "Y-yes." 

"Well, Tanya hinted at your fears, read me the relevant passage, and let me tell you, it made me look at what I was doing much harder. I decided you were right to be concerned, so I was careful not to get too involved; I still hung out with the guys, but I never took them up on their invitations to go to ... uh, other places." Tommy blushed, remembering some of these 'places' quite clearly from the tales the mechanics would tell the next morning. 'Cathouse' had been a very mild term for more than a few. 

"So that's why you started giving me a travelogue of the Southwestern US?" Kat wondered, secretly relieved that her words had had an effect, even if she'd never have wanted Tommy to know about her insecurities. 

He grinned sheepishly. "Yeah. Actually, after a while it became fun to try and find out stuff about the places we went; much more fun, anyway, than hanging out in bars watching the crew get smashed." 

"Oh. Good." If that kind of thing really was all Tanya had told Tommy from her letters, maybe she didn't need to feel betrayed, after all. She'd still have to quiz her friend about it - she had told only her for a reason instead of going directly to Tommy - but it certainly seemed as if Tanya had acted in both their best interests. Kat pushed the tiny bit of remaining hurt to the back of her mind as Tommy continued. 

"Right. I like to think that I would've made that decision on my own eventually, but hearing it from you - even second-hand, through Tanya - made me see it much sooner." He paused for a moment. "But Kat, some of the things you told her ... why didn't you tell me yourself? You must know I'd do nothing to make you worry." 

She leaned back against the bench seat, thinking. What _had_ been her motive? 

"Tommy ... I didn't tell you because I was afraid you'd think I'd be meddling in your affairs," she explained slowly. "It would've been different if we'd been together, like at school, but from this distance ... you're an adult, making your own decisions. I _couldn't_ just butt in just because I was worried about your lifestyle. I'm not your mother, after all. But I needed to talk about it with _some_one, and Tanya knew you ... I guess I'm not really mad at her for telling you after all." Kat smiled fleetingly as she saw the truth in that. Deep down, she _had _wanted Tommy to know she cared enough to comment, and being the good friend she was, Tanya had seen that and acted. Still, that didn't explain Tommy's puzzling question. 

"But to get back to your remark - what do you mean, I sent you the same letters?" Kat tried to remember what she'd written to her friends about a month ago. She'd mailed both messages right after her vacation, telling both Tanya and Tommy about her trip ... 

Tommy inhaled deeply of the crisp autumn air; the sun was disappearing behind the trees, and a chill crept into the light breeze. How to voice his thoughts without offending his girlfriend? Well, if he wanted answers, he just had to try. 

"Kat ... except for some personal things, asking about our families and stuff like that, both your messages to me and Tanya could've been carbon copies, almost. I'm not saying that they were, or that they were really impersonal, but ..." He shook his head, still groping for the right words to express his vague feelings. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, you might've said you wished I was there to share your adventures, but I didn't get the feeling that it was me specifically you missed. Just ... someone," he fumbled. 

Kat looked at him, her expression a curious mixture of puzzlement, honest incomprehension and just a hint of ... panic? "I ... I don't understand," she confessed. 

Tommy looked at her with a wry grin curving his lips. "Neither did I, at first. I was really glad to get your letter, you're a great correspondent, but something seemed off to me, only I couldn't put a finger on what it might be. Took me quite a while to figure it out, and I had to read Tanya's letter to do so. Kat, honey ... you said in your letter that you missed me. Just _what_ was it you missed, do you know?" 

She stared into the warm brown eyes, reading only a desire to know and no accusation in the dark depths. It enabled her to gather her thoughts sufficiently to attempt an answer. 

"Well ... I saw so many great things ... I so often wanted you there with me. Telling you about it, even showing you pictures, is just not the same as experiencing it with a close friend." 

"Exactly," he murmured, a fleeting expression of pain shadowing his gaze. 

"Huh?" 

"A close friend. Not necessarily _me_ - your boyfriend," he clarified, then sighed. "I guess I was expecting more of a ... a love letter, if you will," Tommy said then, blushing slightly at admitting to such a romantic wish. 

Kat started, surprised. "But I _did_ tell you I love you! I _know_ I did!" 

"Yes - in your signature. Like you always do. But Kat ... why didn't you just once tell me you missed having my arms around you, or dreamed of standing somewhere kissing me? That's what Ki-" he bit off the word, but it was already too late. The flash of hurt in the blue eyes cut Tommy to the quick. "God, Kat, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to ..." 

"Didn't mean to - what, Tommy?" Kat interrupted him, swallowing the sudden onrush of tears. "Compare me with Kim? You've done that hundreds of times since we started dating, whether you meant to or not," she rasped. 

To his credit, he squirmed with embarrassment, but had a defense ready. "Well, she's the only girl beside you I've ever exchanged letters with, love letters or otherwise. I'd think it's only natural I make comparisons!" 

She could hardly argue with that, and turned away, gazing blindly out across the lake where the last ducks were heading towards their shelter as the sky grew increasingly darker. A gust of wind rustled the leaves in the nearby trees and she shivered, both from the October chill and her own tumultous emotions. 

"I ... you're right, I'm sorry," Kat said dully, staring at her feet. This was an old sensation, one she'd thought she'd overcome a long time ago. _*It's probably inevitable with any guy who's been in a serious relationship before,*_ she mused, but as in the beginning, it was small comfort now. _*I knew going in that Kim meant the world to Tommy until she broke up with him; it's hardly his fault that I never had a real boyfriend until we got together.*_

Hating the thought that he might have caused her pain, Tommy laid a gentle hand on Kat's shoulder, stroking his thumb up and down the nape of her neck until she managed to look sideways at him. 

"It's me who should apologize, Kat," he murmured. "Believe me, I never wanted to hurt you. Not now, nor in the past. I may have compared what you and I share with what I had with Kim once in a while, but I've never wished that you were her." 

"Not even once?" she whispered, finally voicing one of her greatest fears. Tommy seemed sincere enough, and she desperately wanted to believe him, but ... 

He took his time answering, and while it stung a little that he didn't deny it outright, they both sensed that they had to be absolutely honest with each other now or they'd damage whatever was between them beyond repair. At last, he met her anxious eyes with a steady gaze of his own. 

"Maybe a few times right at the beginning, right after she left and then broke up with me, but not since we got together," he assured her. "Kat ... Kimberly was my friend first, just like you. Yes, I fell like a ton of bricks when I met her, but you caught my eye right away as well. Only, I wasn't free then ... but never mind." Both smiled at the memory, at how young they had been even though it had only been about four years ago, and at 21 they were hardly 'old'. "It was the same when Jason left for Geneva; I got along great with Rocky, he was a more than capable replacement as the Red Ranger and became a good friend, too, someone I'm glad to know, but I needed time not to miss Jason so much. And no matter what I feel for Rocky, Jase will always be my Bro - my best friend. Just as Kim will always be the girl I first fell in love with. That doesn't mean that what I feel for you is less, it's just a little bit different. Can you understand that?" 

She considered his words carefully. "I guess. It's like one can only have a first time once, isn't it?" 

"That's right. Kim and Jase were my 'first times' where strong feelings towards someone other than my folks are concerned; because of that, they'll always be special to me. And you're special, too. Very special," he smiled, leaned over and kissed her gently. Comforted, Kat responded, snuggling into his chest a little, but a small kernel of uneasiness remained. After a while, they released each other again, momentarily calmed, and became aware that Hyde Park was nearly deserted by now; only a few people were still walking their dogs in the gathering darkness. By mutual agreement, the two started back towards Marble Arch station, to catch a train back to Kat's home. They were walking hand in hand, a thoughtful but somehow comfortable silence between them. When they had reached the park's gate, Kat stopped and looked up into Tommy's eyes. 

"Tommy ... for what it's worth, I didn't mean to make you feel neglected or unappreciated when I wrote my letter; if it really was impersonal somehow, it wasn't done on purpose." 

"I know that. You wouldn't be you if it had been intentional," he replied sincerely. "But I had to know." 

"Know what?" 

Tommy colored almost as red as his former uniform. 

"If ... if you maybe hadn't found someone else, too, and were just trying to let me down gently," he confessed. 

Teetering briefly between outrage that he could even _think_ such a thing and reluctant understanding how he could, given his experience with Kim, Kat just shook her head. 

"There's no one else. No other guy, I mean." 

"Okay." 

"Just like that? You believe me?" she wondered. Tommy met her surprised look openly. 

"Of course. I trust you." But his eyes held a mute question. _*I trusted Kim, too. She still broke my heart. Will you?*_

Kat chose to ignore it. Instead, she adopted a slightly forced cheerfulness she didn't really feel. "That's good. Um, shall we pick up dinner on the way home? I don't feel like eating out." 

Relieved, Tommy agreed. "Fine by me. You wore me out today with all this walking," he joked. 

"Yeah, right." Both had to grin, and for the moment, everything was all right again between them. 

They bought their tickets and boarded the Underground in silence, not speaking until they neared Kat's apartment. They passed a pizza chain outlet and bought takeout; while they waited for their order to be filled, Kat knew she had to ask one more question. 

"Are you sure this is not about Kimberly after all? You never had a chance to really talk to her since she sent you that letter, had you?" 

"No, it's not. Well ... at least not really," Tommy amended. "Yeah, I'll have to ask her one of these days, if only to find true closure, but more why she didn't at least call me to break up with me. It was so unlike her to do it by mail." 

"Uh huh. We all wondered about that," Kat agreed, mulling this over. She trusted that Tommy wouldn't lie to her, that he was sincere in his answer, but at the back of her mind that annoying little voice piped up again, asking whether she was so sure that Tommy wasn't lying to himself. Or if she was. 

For that, she had no answer. 

~*~ 

The two former Rangers spent a quiet but enjoyable evening eating their pizza and meeting a couple of Kat's friends from the Royal Academy who dropped by unexpectedly, but once she was safely in bed, Kat couldn't help but think back on their conversation this afternoon. Tommy had brought her letter along, the creases showing that it had been read and pored over many times, and on rereading it from a more critical perspective, Kat had to admit that Tommy had a right to wonder about her feelings. While her words were certainly friendly and personal, they lacked a certain intimacy - something which should have been natural between two halves of a couple. If she was totally honest with herself, Kat had to concede that except for her signature and a few endearments strewn in here and there, she might have sent the letter just as it was to Rocky, or Adam or any other of her friends. Or even her cousin back in Australia. 

"I wish you were here ... pity you can't see this ... we'll have to do this together some day ..." 

She sighed and deposited the letter back on her nightstand. She'd return it to Tommy in the morning. Her room was only dimly lit, but Kat didn't see the posters of famous dancers or great ballet companies she'd hung on the walls. Instead, she searched her memories of the time when she'd written that letter. Had she missed Tommy? 

_*Yes,*_ she decided after a long while. Yes, she regretted not having been able to share the grandiose sights with him, to have stood in awe before some of History's greatest monuments without him by her side, having experienced so much fun and laughter in a group that didn't include her boyfriend. _*He doesn't begrudge me that,*_ she knew. Tommy just wasn't that petty, and besides, given their different places of residence, it was unavoidable. But with a pang in her heart Kat realized that she _hadn't_ missed not being in his arms while looking across all of Paris, that most romantic of cities, from the steps of the Sacré Coeur Cathedral; that she _hadn't_ wished to glide along the canals of Venice in a gondola, being serenaded while losing herself in his eyes. 

"But I do love him," she said out loud into the nightly stillness. "I do!" 

As if in answer, she faintly heard a loud snore from the guest room right across the hall, and the creaking mattress of the cot as Tommy shifted in his sleep, and she burst out giggling. "So much for that declaration," she muttered to herself. Sighing, she decided that it was far too late for any major decisions, she turned off her nightlight and snuggled into her blanket. It took a long while for her thoughts to settle down - after all, Tommy had given her much to think about - but eventually she fell asleep, dreaming of their shared past ... but not their future. 

~*~ 

The next morning, Tommy and Kat met for a companionable breakfast. The weather had changed during the night; it was overcast and rather chilly, so Kat suggested they visit a few museums which London had in abundance. Tommy looked rather dubious. 

"Museums? I really don't know, Kat ..." he hesitated. There were still things he wanted to talk about, and he really wasn't the artsy or brainy type. She just grinned at him. 

"Don't worry, you'll love what I have in mind," she reassured him. "Come on, lazybones. I'll promise I won't drag you to look at old pictures or modern art." 

"Oh, okay; I guess a little culture couldn't hurt." Tommy still wasn't convinced, but went along with his girlfriend more or less willingly. Their first stop was right on the river Thames, next to the Royal Opera House - a fairly modern building that housed the Museum of the Moving Image. Tommy's skepticism melted when the first of a group of actors employed by the museum stopped them and gave a very entertaining, brief lecture on the first slide shows, complete with period costume and turn-of-the-century showmanship. Three fun-filled hours later, they emerged and made their way back to the city. 

"Well? Did I promise too much?" Kat asked with a slight smirk. 

"No, it was great," Tommy admitted, giving her a mock scowl. "Okay, I give in, you were right. I loved it. So, where to next?" 

"Piccadilly. The Rock Circus." 

He grinned. "Is this where I make like Skull and ask how rocks can do trapeze acts? Or be clowns?" 

Kat giggled. "No, silly. This is where you take me to lunch first." 

"I can do that. I think," Tommy teased, and the two ran down the steps to the nearest Underground station, laughing. 

~*~ 

"Man, I'm beat," Tommy groaned when the day was over and they'd returned once more to Kat's apartment. He flopped down on the couch, closed his eyes and stretched out his long legs, resting his aching feet. They'd spent the whole afternoon wandering from one attraction to the other, not only treating themselves to a history of rock music from Elvis to Michael Jackson, but sitting through three consecutive simulator 'rides' - from giant roller coasters to a Space Shuttle flight, then proceeded to a virtual reality game where they shot at other visitors with futuristic 'ray guns' while navigating a maze of sorts, and finishing with a fun tour through the Guinness World Records Exhibition. "I haven't been on my feet so much since we trekked through the Desert of Despair to find Ninjor's Temple!" 

Kat sat down gracefully in a recliner next to him, carrying two mugs of tea and a plateful of cookies. She put them within easy reach on the coffee table. Her own feet hurt a little, too, but her dancer's training made it far less painful; she was used to the kind of exercise that required her to stand and walk a lot. 

"You're getting soft, Tommy," she goaded him a little. "Small wonder, sitting around in your comfy car all day." 

He opened one eye and gave her a sardonic look. "Comfy, huh? Not any stock car I've ever seen, I'll have you know!" 

"But at least you're sitting." 

"Well, yeah. Getting blisters on my butt instead, driving my practice laps," he sighed as both lapsed into silence again. While he loved to race, the lure of the constant adrenaline rush was slowly but surely losing its appeal. Three years on the road, always near the top but never quite reaching it ... When this season was over and his contract was up for renewal, maybe he should give serious thought to contacting Jason and see whether he was still interested in making the dream they once had into reality - operating a dojo together. _*I've certainly earned enough money for a down payment,*_ Tommy thought while he nibbled on a piece of almond shortbread. _*If Jase's father can put us in touch with a good contractor ...Jase gets his business degree ... maybe Rocky will want to join us, too ... yes, sounds like a plan ...* _He lost himself in pleasant daydreams for a few minutes, until a movement next to him drew his attention towards his girlfriend. With a start, Tommy realized that his nice little fantasy about his future had contained his brother, most of his friends ... but that Kat had played no significant part in it. 

_*Whoa. How is that possible? I love her - so why don't I see her in my dream? I used to ...*_

Tommy tried to remember one of his early fantasies about Kat and himself; it had involved Christmas, his small grandson asking for Ranger stories, an older grandson being the current Red Ranger - and Kat as the stereotypical granny, complete with grey hair worn in a bun and glasses. He was surprised how much of an effort it took. Glancing surreptitiously at Kat, who sat curled up in her armchair next to him, legs tucked up while she stared dreamily out the window, he thought about her, their relationship and about how he thought for the longest time that Kat would be the one he'd share his life with. 

_*You used to think that about Kim, too.*_

The young man impatiently dismissed the thought. Kim had dumped him years ago, and while he sometimes still wondered why, and why in a letter instead of in person, the sharp pain he used to feel had long since faded into a faint, almost forgotten ache that he only noticed occasionally - when coming across old pictures of Kimberly and him together, or when he was reminiscing with his friends about their days as Rangers. Tommy knew that he hadn't fallen in love with Kat at first sight; instead, his feelings for her had grown gradually, over time, had been born out of her genuine concern and caring for him, and his honest attraction and gratitude for her. But surely that didn't make them any less real? Tommy didn't think so. Why, then, had he stopped dreaming of growing old with Katherine? And when? He truly couldn't say, but knew in some place that it was true. 

A sudden feeling of panic made him sit up as his hereto comfortable world was rocked to its foundations by this realization. The movement alerted Kat, who turned towards him with a gentle smile. 

"What?" 

When Tommy didn't answer right away, just stared at her with wide eyes, she sat up as well. "Tommy?" Her soft voice was full of concern, the blue eyes warm and encouraging. As they'd always been for him. Wanting to drown once more in the crystal depths, as he'd used to, Tommy blurted out the first question that sprang to his mind. 

"Kat ... if I asked you to marry me, would you say yes?" 

Kat was literally flabbergasted. The very last thing she had expected was to get an offer of marriage from Tommy, however roundabout it had come out. Even a year ago, she would have been beside herself with joy, sobbing her acceptance in a rush of delight. Now ... now she was hard-pressed not to give a swift refusal. _*I'm not ready for this! Not now, when I have so many plans - when my life and career are just taking off! Damn you, Tommy - why are you doing this to me?!?* _Taken utterly by surprise, she took her time unfolding her legs and sitting down in a more decorous position, mentally scrambling for an answer. Next, she took a sip of her cooling tea, reached for a cookie, then reconsidered and lay the treat back on the plate. She wasn't really hungry, anyway, and her appetite seemed to have taken a flying dive out the window. 

Tommy's voice, sounding strangely urgent, made her realize she had stalled too long. 

"Kat?" 

With a sigh, she met his anxious brown eyes. 

"I ... well, yes, certainly, just ... just not now," she said slowly, feeling her way through the unexpected minefield their conversation had become. "Why? Are you proposing?" 

Her heartbeat sped up at the thought, but not with joy as she'd always thought it would. It wasn't dread, though ... not quite, anyway. 

Tommy looked away. 

"Yes. No. I ... I don't know," he murmured after a long pause. Her lack of enthusiasm hadn't gone unnoticed. Kat felt a tearing sensation in her heart for an instant, like someone ripping a sheet off along a perforated line, but almost right away it faded again, leaving her with the feeling of a straight, if slightly jagged edge within her heart that smarted, but didn't truly wound. She tested that edge, and found it sharp but clean, much to her surprise. _*Is it really so unexpected?*_ she thought. _*Or have I been waiting for this all along?* _The silence between the pair grew, became heavy. Just before it changed to oppressive, Kat found her voice again. 

"You don't know if you're asking me to marry you ... or you don't know if you want to marry me at all?" 

There, it was said. Both flinched a little, but somehow, speaking it out loud enabled both to finally look at each other again. 

"I think I don't know that either," Tommy confessed in a near-whisper, his cheeks flaming crimson. This was not the way he'd imagined his first proposal would be going. If it was a proposal. "Kat ... _why _wouldn't you want to get married? I mean, we sorta talked about it ..." 

"Yes - two years ago, when I left for London," she replied, remembering their leavetaking the night before her departure. "But Tommy ... I'm still not done with my studies; if I got married now, I'd have to abandon everything I worked so hard for all this time. My scholarship would be cancelled ... Then, after I graduate, I may have a chance at a dance contract here with the Royal Ballet ..." she trailed off, taking in the look in the brown eyes. They showed hurt, which she had expected, but also something else - something that just might be ... relief? 

"It would be a dream come true for me," Kat said quietly. 

He digested that for a minute, then got up and started to pace in the confines of her living room, needing to expend at least some of the nervous energy gripping him. 

"But what about _our_ dream? You and me, creating a family? The one we built together?" 

Tommy's question hung between them, neither wishing to be the one to shatter that particular dream, yet knowing that it had come to that - that, or give up a chance at realizing their individual, more immediate ambitions. Which for Tommy wasn't having a family, either, he suddenly knew, but to figure out what to do with his life now that he had all but decided to kiss his racing career good-bye. 

Katherine sighed and smiled, her expression both sad and wistful. Then, she took her courage into both hands. One of them had to say it; it might as well be her. 

"It ... it would have to be postponed. Tommy, I'm just not ready yet; I still have things to do, things to accomplish. I have to ... to LIVE!" She, too, got up and walked to him, laying a slender hand on his chest in silent entreaty. "And if you're honest with yourself, so have you," she added softly. 

The long-haired young man covered Kat's hand with his own, twining their fingers together. Thoughtfully, he caressed her ring finger, the digit where he'd once thought he'd place a diamond as bright as the blue eyes he was looking into. They were pleading for understanding. 

"You're right," Tommy finally admitted subduedly. "But still ..." He couldn't quite let go, not yet. 

Kat gently disengaged her hand from his and touched his cheek, apologizing mutely for the pain she knew her words had caused. The pair gazed at each other silently for long minutes, joined by that cautious caress until they found enough composure to take a backwards step, both literally and figuratively. Together, they moved towards the couch and sank down next to each other, their eyes still holding the other's. Neither knew what to say. Again, it was Kat who broke the impasse at last. 

"I'm sorry," she whispered. 

"Don't be. If you're not ready, I'll have to accept that - and I do. I wouldn't want you to give up what's so important to you. Even if it means I have to step back." Unbidden, the similarity to another time occurred to him - when Kimberly decided she had to leave Angel Grove, the Rangers ... leave him to follow her dream of gymnastic gold. It prompted him to make a last-ditch effort to turn events around, saying words he had denied himself then in order not to make the woman he loved choose between him and her life's goal. 

"I love you." 

Kat had to fight her tears at the gentle declaration. 

"I know. I love you, too. But Tommy ... are you still _in love_ with me?" 

The question caught him by surprise; wasn't it two sides of the same coin? But a moment's reflection showed him that it wasn't like that; that loving someone and being in love with the same person could mean completely different things. Tommy thought back on his relationship with the lovely blonde - his first sight of her at the Youth Center, delightfully helpless (or so he thought). Her strength in overcoming Rita's spell, her courage to battle her own fears in order to help Kim get past her trauma after her training accident. Kat's support after he got Kim's letter. The way she slowly healed his broken heart through standing by him, by giving him whatever he needed - understanding, love, the first taste of passion. The memories warmed him, as always, and for an instant, everything within him rebelled at letting go. 

However, other memories intruded - ones that featured a petite brunette who had once captured his heart with the sparkle in her doe-brown eyes, with her smile and her easy acceptance of the insecure new kid in school. Kimberly, who had forgiven him so easily after Jason had freed him from Rita's influence, who had lived with him through his darkest hours as he lost the Green Ranger Powers not once, but twice, never wavering in her affection. They had laughed and fought, cried and made up together, sharing life and danger until their lives had seemed interwoven on all levels. She had been the boy's first love, but even now, after all the pain and betrayal of what had bound them together, Tommy knew that she would have become the man's final passion ... were it not for that many times-damned letter. 

Chagrined, Tommy at last admitted to himself that some part of him still loved Kimberly ... and probably always would. That didn't make his love for Katherine less real ... but the feelings she engendered were not tinged with the same undercurrent of passion, her smile did not make his heart race like Kim's had done ... and her kisses didn't make his blood heat with the same intensity as hers had, right from the start. 

Was what he felt for Kat enough for a lifetime? 

_*Possibly.*_

Would his love for Kim have stood the test of time? 

_*Yes.*_

Defeated by his own integrity, Tommy forced himself to meet the deep blue pools that were his companion's eyes. 

"I'd like to be," he whispered at last, sadness evident in his emotion-roughened voice. 

"But you're not," Kat answered just as softly, not making it a question. She could read the truth in the slump of Tommy's shoulders, the pain in his expression that mirrored her own. 

"I ... no. I used to be, in the beginning, but ..." 

"But things change. So do people. And feelings." 

"Yes." 

The two stared at each other for what felt like ages, then Tommy reached out blindly and Kat surged forward, into his waiting arms. They clung to each other fiercely, hanging on to what used to be between them one last time, but as the moment passed, so did the emotion that had made them embrace. Tommy drew back slightly and lifted the lovely face up so he could look into the sapphire eyes. A few tear tracks marred Kat's smooth cheeks, but the rosy lips smiled tremulously at him. 

"Does that mean it's over?" he had to ask, regret in his voice. 

"I think so," Kat gulped. "I ... I still love you, but ..." 

"Yeah. But." Tommy found a wry grin and wiped away a lone tear that was in danger of spilling over from his girlfriend's - no, his ex-girlfriend's, he corrected himself - eyes. "You'll always have a place in my heart," he promised sincerely. "No matter what." 

"Same here." 

There was nothing more that needed to be said, so the two bade each other an early goodnight, retiring to their separate beds with mixed feelings, both staying awake long into the night to bid farewell to what might have been. 

~*~ 

The next morning, Kat excused herself from her classes for once, wanting ... no, _needing_ to see Tommy off at the airport. There had been some awkwardness at first, as they tried to adjust to the change in their relationship, but they had been friends too long, had been through too much together for it to linger long. And while they were quiet and a little subdued on the long train ride to Heathrow Airport, they were able to talk with increasing confidence and freedom as the morning passed. 

His single piece of luggage checked in, boarding pass in hand, Tommy invited Kat to a farewell cup of tea at one of the better airport restaurants. They sat across from each other at a table covered in white linen, holding hands next to the delicate china cups as they waited for the flight to Los Angeles to be announced. Both were very much aware that the next time they saw each other, everything would be different. They'd no longer be a couple, but just ... friends. 

"Will we still be friends?" Kat asked, expressing the thought that was in both their minds. Tommy's answer was swift and sure. 

"Of course we will. Nothing can ever change that." 

"Good. I'd have hated to have lost you completely," she confessed. "Last night, I was afraid ..." 

"Me, too," Tommy agreed, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. "We may not be in love any longer, but we still love each other. Just ... differently. Don't we?" 

"Yes." 

And then Tommy's flight was announced, so the two former Rangers gathered their belongings and made their way to the International Departures gate. At the barrier, beyond which Kat couldn't follow, they stopped. Tears threatened to fall once more, but Kat determinedly fought them down. Despite everything, it hurt to let Tommy go, not just back to Angel Grove, but out of her life. 

_*It's better this way. At least I'm not losing him completely. And who knows, in a few years, when we're both ready and haven't met someone else ...*_

Taking comfort from that sliver of hope, she managed to smile at him. "Take care," she whispered. 

"I will," he promised, letting his regret and sadness show in his eyes as he told her silently what he had no words to express. "You, too." 

"Word of honor," Kat replied. "Will ... will you still write to me?" 

"If you'll do the same." 

"Of course." 

"Good." 

Speech failed them as they looked at each other, alone in a crowd of travellers surging around them. Then, with a muffled curse, Tommy reached out and drew Kat into his arms one final time. Their lips met in a last parting kiss, and she melted into it willingly, responding freely to what they had to give each other. Which was ... not enough. 

Eventually, they had to breathe again, but neither could regret the exchange. Kat's eyes glittered with unshed tears, and Tommy's voice was husky as he spoke. 

"I'll miss you." 

"I'll miss you, too." 

Suddenly their time was up, the last boarders rushed past them, and he had to go. A lingering caress along her cheek, a last hug that was almost desperate, a tender look, and Tommy was gone, disappearing through a glass door while Kat stood and watched him leave. 

"Good-bye, Tommy," she whispered at his retreating back. She stayed at the gate until the ground crew closed the check-in stall, then turned slowly and made her way out of the airport. Kat didn't look back, didn't even spare a glance for the slowly ascending silver plane visible through her train's window as she travelled back to London. One chapter of her life was over; it was time to start a new one.   
  
  


_To Be Continued ..._   



	2. Letters 2

All disclaimers in Part One. 

Note: Okay, I know I said this was going to be ready sooner, but Real Life interfered heavily this summer, and so I thought I'd at least share what I already HAVE done - if only to reward all those kind folks who reviewed and commented. Thanks, guys! Much appreciated! (And yes, there's lots more to come ...)DB, Fall 2001 

Letters Pt. 2 

By 

Dagmar Buse 

Rocky to Tommy 

" .... We can't wait to have you here, man. Student enrolments for the fall are looking pretty good, and all three of us will be kept too busy.to breathe. Jase is already making the arrangements for you getting your Karate Association License. Anyway, you just keep your car on the track, and your sorry butt out of hospital, you hear? We're counting on you to be here bright-eyed and bushy-tailed by September 1st." 

With a grin, Tommy scribbled a quick reply to his friend and future business partner. It had taken nearly a year for him to fulfill his obligations to his uncle's racing team, but the idea he'd first conceived in London, to quit racing and go into business with Rocky and Jason, was finally coming to pass. To say that the other former Red Rangers were glad to have him join them was putting it mildly, and Tommy was looking forward to working alongside his friends, to teach karate much as they'd all done as teenagers. 

His parents were pleased, too; while they had always supported his choice of profession, Tommy's mother especially had always worried herself sick during the races, and while he was touring the circuit. Not that she didn't trust her son to be careful, but ... Mrs. Oliver had tried not to let it show, but he knew that his decision to return to the martial arts scene came as a vast relief to her and all of his family. 

*And I can't say that I'm all that unhappy, either.* 

It hadn't been easy to turn his back on racing, especially not as during this last summer Tommy had managed to finally score a handful of victories, placing him fifth overall at season's end, but he figured it'd be better to get out while the going was still good instead of having to quit because of an injury or worse. Besides, a major sponsor had reduced his contribution, and John Rush's second driver had a wife and children to support; he needed the job more than Tommy. The young man got up from his motel room desk and started to pack his last suitcase. Most of what he'd brought with him on the road was stowed and ready to be shipped home from the crew's headquarters near Las Vegas; the rental van would be there first thing in the morning. And Tommy himself would be driving home in a brand new sports car - a 'going-away present' from his uncle, who certainly regretted losing so promising a driver, but supported his nephew nevertheless. After all, he didn't want Tommy to be discontent and thus less focussed in what was still a potentially dangerous job. 

Half an hour later, the nondescript room was cleared of all things, looking as impersonal as the first time Tommy had set foot in it years ago. He checked the drawers and closets one last time; everything except his shaving kit and a change of clothes for tomorrow was packed to go. Suppressing a slight feeling of nostalgia - after all, he'd called this room home whenever he was at Team Rush headquarters - Tommy grabbed his wallet, barely remembered to pocket his keys, and let himself out, to say goodbye to the crew. 

~*~ 

"The place looks great, guys!" Tommy beamed as Jason and Rocky conducted him around the recently opened school. It was really a superb setup - a large, airy room looking out onto the street through a wall-to-wall one-way window, the left-hand wall fully mirrored, served as the main dojo. The floor was covered with practice mats in an attractive shade of muted red - the color all three of them had shared as Rangers. Door- and window frames were painted a pleasant blue, light fixtures done in gleaming brass. A combat area was outlined in forest green, the walls were painted eggshell-white, and another wall sported flags - the Stars and Stripes crossed with Japan's Rising Sun in the center, flanked by the Korean and Chinese banners, to symbolize the origins of the martial arts styles they were teaching. 

"It does, doesn't it?" Rocky grinned, opening the door to the hallway with a small flourish. The color scheme was repeated there. "Locker rooms and showers are over there, extra restrooms right here." He indicated two doors, each bearing one half of the yin/yang symbol. 

In one corner, a small counter with four barstools was set up, together with a couple of tables and half a dozen chairs. 

"We've set up a deal with AGH; deserving kids can work here for a small salary and free instruction," Jason explained, stepping behind the counter and taking three bottles of juice from the refrigerator. He offered them to his friends. "This doesn't compare to the Juice Bar, of course, but it's a place to meet before or after classes." 

"It's a great idea," Tommy approved with a delighted look around. There were four more doors, one leading to a large office where he would have his own desk soon, a small lounge/locker room for the instructors, and two practice rooms, identical to the main dojo except for their lesser size, either for smaller groups or private lessons. Plus, the property was on a large enough plot that they could expand later on, provided they made a success out of it. "I've always enjoyed relaxing after training, or after a match. Much nicer than swigging water out of a bottle in the locker room." 

"Our thoughts exactly," Jason smiled, opening his orange juice with a deft twist and raising the small bottle towards his friends. "A toast, guys?" 

The other two followed suit, suddenly serious underneath their banter and lightheartedness. 

"To success," Rocky ventured. 

"To the Art," Tommy put forth. 

"To our friendship," Jason concluded. 

"And the Dragon Dojo!" 

"The Dragon Dojo," Tommy and Jason echoed Rocky's words emphatically. 

The bottles clinked together, and the three young men drank deeply, each vowing to himself and the others to do his best to keep the bargain they were sealing here and now. When they were done, they grinned at each other, a bit embarrassedly, but trying not to let it show too much. To that end, Jason put his juice into one corner. 

"Well, Tommy ... now that you've seen the premises, what do you say to a little sparring session?" he suggested with a slight smirk. "We gotta see how much karate you've forgotten, driving in circles for so long." 

"I've forgotten nothing," Tommy protested automatically, but privately he had a few doubts. Sure, he'd worked out as much as possible to keep in shape while racing for his uncle, but except for general fitness exercises and a couple of katas each morning and night, he hadn't had many chances to actually practise any form of martial arts. It just might be that he was possibly a little ... rusty? 

But he was not about to admit that to his fellow ex-Rangers. So, all he said out loud was, "I'm game whenever you are." 

Rocky and Jason exchanged amused glances, knowing their friend well enough to detect the bravado in his voice and stance. But they said nothing, leading Tommy instead into the men's locker room, where all three changed into sweatpants and tank tops. Together, they entered the smallest exercise room and went through a series of warm-ups, accompanied by a steady stream of friendly insults. 

*Just like in High School,* Tommy couldn't help remembering as he hid a grimace over a particularly strenuous stretch Jason had suggested. He noticed out of the corner of one eye that neither Rocky nor Jason seemed much challenged, and he increased his efforts. *Feels great. Ow!* 

When they were ready, Rocky retired to a corner, sat on a bench and picked up some weights. This way, he could keep limber while watching Jason and Tommy, who were already bowing to each other in the center of the room. 

For the next twenty minutes there was silence, interspersed only with dull thuds and sharp slaps as feet, hands and backs hit the mats time and again. The match seemed fairly even, but then, Tommy and Jason had always been equals in their sport. Only, when Jason bowed out, he was breathing maybe a bit heavily while Tommy's shirt was soaked with sweat. Nevertheless, he sent a challenging look towards his former second-in-command. 

"You ready?" he panted. 

Slowly, Rocky sauntered towards the mats, flexing his muscles just a little challengingly. 

"I am," he drawled, brown eyes twinkling. "Are you?" 

Stung, Tommy drew himself up to his full height. He stared down at the shorter young man with glittering eyes. 

"For you? Anytime!" 

With that, the bout was on. A flurry of kicks, punches and throws, circling, waiting for the other to make a move, a feint here, an attack there ... Tommy soon realized that this match was quite different from what he'd done with Jason. His best friend had unobtrusively led him through a demonstration of every technique and style they'd ever learned, and managed to surprise him with a few moves Tommy had had to work hard to counter. As usual, they had pitted Jason's strength against Tommy's speed, and it had been a close call - much too close for Tommy's liking. He was uncomfortably aware that, had it been a real match, under competition rules, Jason would've wiped the floor with him, equals or not. 

Rocky, though ... he had almost as much speed as Tommy at his best, and was incredibly agile - even more so than when he'd joined the Rangers. Tommy knew that, and yet it took him by surprise. Rocky was going all out against him, sticking mainly to straight karate moves, but still Tommy was hard - very hard - put to keep up. *Dammit, he nearly broke his back when we got the Turbo Powers! Shouldn't he be handicapped by that? Just a little, anyway?* Apparently not; he barely managed to duck a sweeping kick that would surely have winded him for good. 

During a lull when the two were prowling in a tight circle around the room, watched by an attentive Jason who had appropriated Rocky's weights and was lifting them with slow, measured movements, Tommy came to the rather sobering conclusion that he had far more work to do to regain his former prowess than he'd dreamed. Even tired out from the match against Jason, he should've been able to defeat Rocky easily. Instead, rallying all his willpower and the last reserves of strength he had, Tommy barely managed to achieve a draw. 

"Aw man," he moaned, sinking onto the mat when Rocky signalled an end to the torture he'd put him through. "I don't believe this!" 

Jason and Rocky just laughed heartlessly, which made Tommy blush in mixed shame and anger. He nearly bristled when Jason came over, pulled him up again and punched him gently on the arm. 

"Hey, Bro, don't sweat it. All things considered, you did okay. To be honest, I kinda expected you to be somewhat out of shape." 

"I'm not ..." 

"Come on, Tommy," Rocky cut off the protest. "I had one devil of a time myself to get back up to speed after my injury - and if Trini hadn't sent me to a therapist she knows, I'd never have made a full recovery, even though it was only eight months I had to stop training. You've been on the circuit how long? Five years?" 

"Yeah," Tommy grudgingly admitted. Had it really been that long? 

"And how much did you train - seriously train - during that time?" 

"Er ..." 

When Tommy had no answer, Rocky just gave him a Look that spoke louder than words. "That's what I thought." 

"It's no wonder you need to brush up a little on everything," Jason said in his no-nonsense instructor's voice, a tone Tommy knew quite well. "Tom, there's no need to feel embarrassed about this. You haven't lost all that much, just some speed and a few fine points. It won't stop you from getting your Karate Association license, and Rocky and I will help you get your form back, won't we, Rocko?" 

"Sure," the former Blue Zeo Ranger smiled back, draping his towel around his neck. "Just like you did with me after my injury." 

"Hey, that's what friends are for, right?" The two grinned at each other; they had gotten quite close since they started working together, despite Rocky's initial jealousy of Jason. Observing this, Tommy let go of his irritation and conceded their assessment with what grace he could muster. 

"Right." 

Jason laughed. He'd known that ultimately, Tommy would be too honest to deny what was so obvious to anyone who knew him as well as they did. "So, as our friend, will you let us help you?" 

Chuckling almost despite himself, the tall young man nodded. 

"Yeah." 

"Great! I'll get the schedule and we can set up a timetable for you!" Rocky practically bounced towards the office. The other two sauntered after him, back towards the bar area to finish their juice before showering. About to drink, Tommy lowered his bottle once more and cast a sardonic look at Jason. 

"Why do I get the feeling I'm going to regret this?" 

Jason just shook his head and smirked. He was going to love the next few weeks until Tommy regained his former expertise. 

~*~ 

"Mom, Dad ... no offense, but ... would you mind very much if I started looking for a place of my own?" Tommy asked his parents diffidently over dinner one night about two months after his return. He'd always enjoyed coming home, but after living more or less on his own for quite some time, he was rapidly finding out that he wasn't prepared any longer to conform to the restrictions his folks placed on him. Nothing unreasonable, it was just that he'd grown to like his independence... 

Beth Oliver exchanged a look with her husband, who nodded slightly, then turned towards Tommy with a smile that was part sad, part understanding. 

"Of course not, Tommy." 

"To be honest, we expected something like this sooner or later," Jeffrey added. "After all, you're an adult now." 

Relieved, Tommy rounded the table and hugged both his mother and father. "Thanks for understanding," he murmured. "I'd hoped you would." 

"We love you and want to see you happy, Tommy," Beth said quietly, swallowing a few maternal tears despite herself. "And you'll always be welcome here. I hope you know that." 

"Yes, son," Jeff Oliver confirmed. "Now, is there anything we can do to help?" 

"Nothing I can think of at the moment, but I'll let you know ..." 

"That's fine," Beth smiled. "Do you have an idea where you want to live?" 

"I thought I'd ask Jason," Tommy replied, sitting back down and digging into his dinner with a gusto he hadn't shown for a long time. "It hasn't been that long since he moved out from home; maybe he can give me a few tips and pointers." 

~*~ 

"Funny you should ask," Jason said when Tommy put the question to him a few days later during their lunch break. "As a matter of fact, I may be looking for a new place myself." 

"But why? You only moved into your place ... what, six months ago?" Tommy wondered, surprised. 

"Yeah, but word is the owners want to convert the apartments into condos; there's no way I can afford to stay there if it's true." 

"That sucks." 

"Tell me about it." Jason sighed, biting into his sandwich. "Just when I'd gotten everything straightened out, too." 

"Well, we can go through the classifieds together, then," Tommy answered, waving to Rocky who breezed into the instructors' lounge just then. At his inquiring look, the two quickly filled him in on their problem. "Maybe we can even find something close to each other," Tommy proposed. "It'd be kinda neat if we could hang out together some nights without having to drive halfway across town." 

Rocky snorted, knowing quite well how rare affordable singles' housing was in Angel Grove. His own apartment was in Stone Canyon, in a former neighbor's house; otherwise he could never have his own place. Not as long as he was still paying off the medical bills from his accident, anyway. 

"You might as well move in together," he commented, only half seriously. "From what I've heard, it's easier right now to find a family-sized place than something small enough for a single guy in a decent neighborhood." 

Slowly, Tommy turned around from his locker where he'd been rummaging for a clean t-shirt. His eyes met Jason's dark ones, who seemingly had forgotten all about his lunch as he pondered the suggestion. Finally, the broad-shouldered young man remembered to swallow his mouthful of food, took a swig of gatorade to wash it down, and cleared his throat. 

"Actually ... I've heard about an apartment with two bedrooms that's becoming available next month," he said quietly. "It wouldn't need much in the way of renovations, the rent is okay ..." 

The hopeful look was unmistakeable, and Tommy met it with a somewhat bashful grin of his own. Strange as it seemed, he was more comfortable at the thought of having a roommate. Especially if that happened to be his best friend. 

"I'm game, if you are," he tried for a nonchalance he didn't quite feel. 

Jason barely suppressed a whoop of joy. "Well then - let's take a look soon, and if it's as good as I've heard, we can decide then. Okay?" 

"Sure." 

~*~ 

"That's it; I've had it. Let's send for pizza and call it a day," Tommy declared as the last box had been removed from the moving van and carried up to the third-floor apartment he now shared with Jason. He received enthusiastic agreement from his two colleagues, and while the three waited for the delivery guy, they quickly cleared the couches so they could sit down for dinner at least. Their bedrooms were set up, and unpacking the rest of the crates could wait for tomorrow. After ten minutes, the pizza arrived and they pounced on the boxes as if they'd been starving all day. 

"Man, I never thought you two would have so much stuff," Rocky groaned as he stretched out his legs, munching on a slice dripping with melted cheese. "If I had, I would've been elsewhere today." 

"Oh? Where?" Jason asked idly, biting into his own pizza. 

"Dunno. Far. Edenoi, maybe. Couldn't you have at least gotten a place with an elevator?" he complained good-naturedly. 

"Next time," Tommy promised with an evil grin. "After you've helped us carry everything down again when we decide to move out." He laughed at the groans and curses from both Jason and Rocky. Even strong and fit as they were, it hadn't been easy, and physically exhausting work. Both Mrs Scott and Mrs Oliver had agreed to come by the next day and help their sons get settled, but the bulk of the labor had been done by the young men themselves. 

"Don't even think about it," Jason warned, settling back into his comfortable armchair, an heirloom from his grandfather. It fit him perfectly, and was just right to relax aching muscles in. "I've moved twice within a year now; no way am I doing it again any time soon!" 

"I hear you on that, Bro," Tommy agreed, looking around at the light-grey walls and lightly-patterned carpet with a satisfied smile. They didn't have much in the way of furniture, but together they could furnish the place with a hodgepodge of items donated by both sets of parents that was quite sufficient for the needs of two bachelors. Rocky's girlfriend Sarah had promised to bring by some easy-care plants as soon as they were finished, and Tanya was going to try and coordinate their belongings into a pleasing whole with whatever came handy, scrounged from all of the former Rangers' families. Neither Jason nor Tommy was quite sure whether they should be excited or scared at the prospect. 

As the three friends wound down from the day's strenuous activities, sharing a bottle of wine Mrs DeSantos had sent over as a housewarming gift, their talk turned to other things - their dojo, their friends, their whereabouts, world politics, local news and plans ... like the upcoming 75^th anniversary of the very first commencement of Angel Grove High School. 

"Anyone have an idea how many of our class are attending?" Tommy idly wanted to know. 

"No, the Angel Club is handling registration," Rocky answered. "They may be a bunch of stuck-up scocialites for the most part, but you gotta hand it to them - organizing an event like this is right down their alley. They even found two surviving members of the first AGH graduates." 

"Wasn't Kim an Angel Club member?" Jason asked without thinking, before he remembered that Tommy might not appreciate the reminder. But a quick glance showed no noticeable reaction on the lean features, and he relaxed again. 

"Yeah - and Aisha, too," Rocky went on, seemingly oblivious to any undercurrents. "At least after that cat Veronica was sacked." 

"And?" 

"And what?" Rocky grinned, enjoying being the center of attention for once. 

"And has Sarah - who I know was in the Club - given you any hints yet about who has signed up yet, or not?" Jason's deep voice dripped with exaggerated patience. 

"Not yet, but she sort of promised to let me know as soon as she's got definite confirmations," Rocky said with a small huff that had his friends chuckling. "Are we going?" 

Jason and Tommy shared a look, then shrugged somewhat sheepishly. "I dunno," Tommy mumbled. "I mean, we both missed Commencement; wouldn't it look kinda weird if we went now?" 

"All the more reason to attend now," Rocky declared. "For that matter, I'm pretty sure Kat will attend; after all, she was our valecdictorian." 

"Oh, right," Tommy brightened. "I haven't seen her since I went to London; it'll be great to catch up in person. Letters just aren't the same." 

*And never mind that I'm not really all that fond of getting letters anymore,* he thought to himself. *Ever since I got the one from Kim ...* Quickly, he shook off the memory. There were still too many unresolved issues between him and the first Pink Ranger, their brief meeting right after Muranthias notwithstanding. Something must've shown in Tommy's eyes, because Jason and Rocky didn't pursue the matter and tactfully changed the subject. 

*** 

Aisha to Tanya 

" ...I'd sure love to come to the Anniversary, but unfortunately I simply can't afford to. Not if I want to make it to your wedding next year, anyway. You'll remember to let me know the exact date in time? But please say hi to the guys - especially Adam and Rocky - I'm sooo sorry I'm going to miss them! 

Work on the animal plague is going well, and I've decided to go to Veterinary School . Dad is trying to pull a few strings; if all goes well, I might qualify for a scholarship, and if I get it, I'll make sure it's at Angel Grove University, or at least close by; I'm dying to see all of you guys again! ...." 

"Pity," Adam remarked as Tanya finished reading the relevant passage of Aisha's letter at the friends' next dinner meeting, at Rocky's apartment this time. "I miss her, too." 

"I think we all do," Tommy noted, with a slightly apologetic glance at Aisha's replacement. "Not that it wasn't great getting to know you, Tanya, but ..." 

"I understand, Tommy," Tanya smiled. "I'm just grateful that you guys accepted me so readily when I took her place. Not only as a Ranger, but also as a friend. I just wish Billy could've gotten a Zeo Crystal, too." 

There was a brief moment of silence as the assembled former Rangers thought of their absent friend - the longest-serving of them all. How they missed his presence, his mind, his gentle support and often surprisingly astute insights! But, they were all agreed rthat it was a far better thing to know he was on Aquitar, happy and alive instead of having stayed with them and died prematurely of old age - just because he'd selflessly saved his teammates' lives. Again. Then, just before the memories and nostalgic feelings became too uncomfortable, Rocky rallied himself and tried to lighten the mood. 

"Maybe it's just as well you didn't give him your shard," he said to Tanya, straight-faced. "You look ten times better in yellow than he would've! HEY!!!" Laughing, he dodged the pillows the others immediately lobbed at him. When the ensuing laughter and mock-serious threats had subsided, Jason took a sip from his soda. 

"You know ... Aisha's the only Ranger I've never met," he mused thoughtfully. "Except for that moment at the Command Center when Zack, Trini and I passed our Powers on to you guys." He nodded at Adam and Rocky, who sighed fondly at the memory. "Strange, really, when you consider that I even got to know Andros and his crew." 

"When would you have had the time?" Tommy asked reasonably. "What with getting your records in order, passports, packing and everything? The Peace Conference folks were in such a blasted hurry, we didn't even have time for a farewell party!" 

"Yeah, Ernie was complaining about that for weeks afterwards," Rocky recalled. "That guy sure loved to party!" 

"He knew how to throw one, too," Jason remembered with a small grin, "even if things didn't always go quite as smoothly as he wanted." 

"Oh? Do tell," Tanya demanded eagerly, sensing a story of the early days coming up. She just loved hearing those! 

Jason laughed. "Well ... there was this one time when he bought a cake for a party and all he could get at short notice was one that said "Happy Birthday Mom". Bulk ended up face-down in it. And another time - that was before you moved here, Tom - Kim, Trini, Billy and I were throwing a surprise birthday party for Zack, and Billy had modified a microwave oven into what he called a 'cake-o-matic'; only the silly thing wouldn't work like it was supposed to; Ernie ended up covered head to foot in cake mix at least twice. Wet cake mix. Definitely not one of Billy's finer efforts," he snickered. 

The others laughed appreciatively. "You guys sure had some fun then," Tanya sighed a bit enviously. "Somehow, it seems my own time as a Ranger was much more serious. More work, less play, you know?" 

"Don't let the stories kid you, Tanya," Jason warned, getting serious. "Sure, there's a lot of fun stuff to remember, but it wasn't all roses for us most of the time. For one thing, we were pretty young still when we got our Powers; Trini, Zack and Billy had just got their licenses then. We barely had any warning, much less somebody around to show us the ropes when Rita crashed on the moon; if the Power hadn't given us most of the know-how directly ... " the former Red Ranger shook his head. "I really don't want to think about that!" 

"You got that right," Adam added. "Zack managed to call me the night before you guys left, but obviously he couldn't get into too many details on a regular phone line, and as we were called into action almost immediately, it was just as well the knowledge we needed came with our coins. But it still helped to have the others to ask about things - like operating the Command Center machinery." 

Rocky nodded his agreement, but before the ex-Rangers could discuss the matter further, the doorbell rang, and he jumped up to admit his girlfriend. The greeting between the two was such that Tanya couldn't help a speculative look or three; was it her imagination, or had a new intimacy developed between Rocky and Sarah lately? She hid a small smile. *About time, too; they've been dating for quite a while now, and I KNOW Sarah just adores Rocky. If he could only see how perfect she'd be for him ...! Even Mrs DeSantos likes her...* Just then, the oven timer went off, and a general scramble for utensils, plates and seats started, distracting Tanya from her musings as the hungry crowd descended on the paella Rocky had coaxed out of his mother. 

After a fun-filled meal, Sarah settled on the comfortable couch next to Rocky, not quite across his lap, a position which the others good-naturedly pretended to ignore. She smiled at the group of friends who had so readily accepted her. "We have registered the 300^th anniversary guest today," she gushed. "Isn't that great?" 

"Awesome," was the consensus. "Anybody special? Rocky already told us about the two 'originals'." 

Sarah grinned mischievously. "Weeeeell .... There are a few highlights; you'd be surprised to learn what successes - and what weird characters - AGH has produced in 75 years. Tommy's stock car racing is not the only unusual career. In fact, compared to some it's downright normal." 

Tommy pulled a comical face. "Thanks. I think." The others chuckled, but joined him in asking questions about people they knew. However, the pretty Mexican wouldn't answer. 

"You'll see at the opening ceremony," she hedged, knowing full well what information they were after. 

"Oh come on, cara," Rocky cajoled, turning towards her with his best little-boy expression. "That's still four weeks away; can't you just give us a teensy little hint about our class? Please?" 

She flushed a little at the endearment, but struggled to resist the pleading brown eyes. "I sort of promised I wouldn't tell," she murmured. "If somebody on the organizing committee found out I spilled the beans to anybody ..." 

"You have our word it won't leave this room," Tanya reassured her, just as curious as the guys. "Besides, we only want to know about the gang - not everybody!" 

"I really shouldn't ... but if you all promise...?" 

Adam spoke for all five. "Cross our hearts." 

With a defeated sigh, Sarah reached for her purse and pulled out a list. "Okay, I guess I can trust you guys ... so what names are you looking for again?" 

The ex-Rangers eagerly scooted forward in their seats. Jason was the first to begin the 'roll call'. 

"Uh - you're going alphabetically by year, right? Let's see ... we're Class of '97 ... Aisha Campbell, Billy Cranston ... we already know they're not coming. Next is ... Kimberly Hart?" 

Sarah had already flipped to the appropriate page. 

"Hmm ... how do you spell Hart? With or without an e? Okay ... confirmed are ... Hansen, Jack ... Harrell ... Hart, Kimberly. Panglobal and Olympic medalist. Yes, she'll be here." 

"Yay!" Rocky's grin was matched by Adam and Jason's, with Tanya and Tommy slightly less enthusiastic - if for differing reasons. "What about Kat Hillard?" 

"Confirmed," Sarah smiled. 

"Told ya!" Rocky crowed triumphantly towards his partners, who grumblingly conceded. 

"What were Trini and Zack's last names again?" Tanya wondered. Somehow or other, last names rarely cropped up in conversations about their predecessors, and she had yet to meet both in person. 

"Trini Kwan and Zack Taylor," Jason answered quietly, seeing that Tommy seemed lost in thought all of a sudden. *Probably fretting about seeing both his exes again at the same time,* he realised. *I just wonder who's making him more upset - Kim or Kat? Likely Kim. Too many things still unresolved. Well, he knows where to find me, or any of the others, if he needs to talk.* Jason was abruptly recalled to the present when Rocky jumped up excitedly. 

"They're coming, too? Man, I can't believe we'll be seeing everybody except Aisha and Billy in little over a month! It'll be like old times!" 

"Actually, Rocky, it'll be the first time we'll come together like this," Adam tried to reason, but he was smiling as hugely as his childhood friend. "But you're right, it's going to be great!" 

~*~ 

1 


	3. Preparing For The Inevitable

Note: Okay, here's some more ... still needs going over, and I'll probably repost the smaller chapters as one big file in html as soon as I'm done with the whole story, but meanwhile ... enjoy! (I hope!)   
  
  
Letters: Preparing for the Inevitable   
  
  
On the drive home, Tommy was still silent, and Jason wisely kept his attention on the road. However, he held his best friend back just before he could disappear into his room.   
  
"What's up, Tommy?" he asked quietly, knowing full well what the other had to be thinking about.   
  
It was on the tip of Tommy's tongue to reply with a flip 'nothing', but a glance at Jason told him two things - one, Jason was honestly concerned and interested and two, he wouldn't let him get away with it. Not this time. Sighing, he walked into their shared living room, coming to stand at the window overlooking the dark street outside. Tommy could feel the tension in his back muscles, but all his discipline couldn't make him relax. Grateful that Jason only sat in his favorite chair, giving him time to find the words he knew needed to be said, he gathered his thoughts with an effort.   
  
"I ... I don't know if I'm ready to face Kim again. I thought I was, but ..." his voice, uncharacteristically hoarse, trailed off as Tommy fought down the old hurt.   
  
"What do you mean?" Jason wondered, still using a subdued tone to fit the mood. "You saw her after Muranthias ..."   
  
"Yes, but we never really talked, y'know? Things were so hectic then, what with the tournament, Justin, adjusting to new Powers ... I mean, Kim sort of told me she needed to talk to me, but there was Kat to consider ... I didn't want to hurt her, I was so damned busy all the time, with racing and stuff, then Kim had to return to Florida ..."   
  
"What you're saying is, you chickened out of confronting her."   
  
Tommy spared a quick look for Jason. "No ... no, it was just ... the time never seemed quite right, there were always other people around ... Kim didn't seem too wild about it, anyway ..."   
  
Jason huffed exasperatedly. "As I said, you chickened out." Before Tommy could object further, he raised a hand to stall him. "Tommy, stop lying to yourself. You know you did. Both of you, really."   
  
The tall young man tensed even further, then deflated suddenly, almost like a balloon which had been pricked. His shoulders slumped, and slowly he sank down on the couch opposite Jason's armchair. It took a few minutes, but finally, he nodded almost imperceptibly.   
  
"Yeah, I ... I guess I did."   
  
"About time you admitted it, Bro," Jason commented softly. *At last! Maybe now we're finally getting somewhere!* He got up, collected two beers from the kitchen and wordlessly handed one to Tommy. They didn't indulge often, but this was one situation that demanded something stronger than juice or soda. "Do you know why you never tried to get an answer from Kim? You gotta admit, even if she had found somebody else - and you know it happens, sometimes - it wasn't like her to send you a 'Dear John' letter. Calling you, or even coming home to tell you in person would've been much more her style. The girl writing that letter was not the Kim I've known since Junior High."   
  
Tommy just shook his head, feeling as lost and confused as he'd done that long-ago day when a few words had shattered his world.   
  
"I dunno. I don't know," he repeated, sounding completely bewildered. Jason's heart went out to his best friend, and he reached over to pat his knee comfortingly.   
  
"I'm sorry," he murmured, but Tommy didn't hear him. Now that the dam was broken, the words just seemed to pour out of him - unstoppable as the tide.   
  
"Why, Jase? Why did she do it? I just don't get it, even after this long." The brown eyes were troubled, clouded, as years of wondering came to a head. "I thought she loved me - she's always told me so. There was no warning, nothing ... in the last letter I'd sent her, I practically proposed to Kim, and first she left me hanging for over a week, then she breaks up with me with no rhyme or reason! In a fucking letter!" Tommy's voice rose as he relived the day his world collapsed, his uncharacteristic use of swear words a clear indication of his mental turmoil. "Why? Goddammit, WHY?!?"   
  
*We should've had this conversation years ago,* Jason couldn't help thinking. *If I'd only been home then - or forced the issue sooner!* He sighed, wishing he had an answer for his friend, but he was no closer to an explanation that made any sense now than he had been then. "I don't know, Tom. I wish I did, but I don't. None of us do. We only know that ever since, Kim has ... changed, somehow. I noticed it when we went on that diving expedition and wanted to get her to talk, but you know how that turned out." Jason grinned fleetingly, his expression wry. "Trini commented on it, too, after they'd met in Geneva, but she's as much in the dark as everybody, including you."   
  
Tommy laughed without humor. "Yeah, that helps a lot. Not!" Seeing the look on Jason's face, he sighed, took a long swig of his beer and closed his eyes wearily. "Sorry. That was uncalled for. I know you'd help me if you could." Losing himself in his thoughts for a while, Tommy was grateful for Jason's silence - it gave him support without demanding anything except he be honest with his friend ... and himself. At last, he started talking, almost as if to himself.   
  
"You know ... we were always so close, right from the start. Kim and I ... even before we were Rangers together. That first day at school, I took one look at her and knew that Kim was IT. The girl I'd been dreaming of all my life. All the time I was under Rita's spell, what hurt the most was that I was being so mean to her. At some level, it disturbed me even when I was evil. Then, when you destroyed the Sword of Darkness ... to know that I almost made her cry ... it ate me up."   
  
"But she forgave you. We all did - it wasn't your fault. You weren't yourself!"   
  
"Yeah, but still ... it's one of the things I regret most. Next to hurting all those people, and to almost killing you." The two shared a long look of understanding. That was an issue they'd resolved long ago, and in a strange way, it had made their friendship even closer. "Then there was that time when we were both running for school president and Rita put us under a spell again ... although, looking back it was more funny than anything else." Tommy grinned at the memory. "I can't believe how childish we were!"   
  
"I can," Jason smirked. "Billy and Rocky told me. Man, I wish I'd been here to see you painting a mustache on Kim's picture!" When Tommy blushed guiltily, Jason couldn't help laughing. It was infectious enough to make Tommy join him, and it cleared the rather gloomy atmosphere considerably. However, soon enough both young men sobered again.   
  
"So, are you gonna talk with Kim when you see her?" Jason prodded. "'Cause if you don't, I might just have to lock you into a room together until you do."   
  
"Yeah, that'll go over real well with Kim," Tommy snorted. "I may have to kill you if you try."   
  
"You and what army?" the one-time Gold Ranger queried drily. "Will you do it?" The last was more a command than a question.   
  
"I guess I'll have to, won't I?" his best friend mumbled, sounding about as eager as if he'd just been volunteered for several root canals.   
  
"You sure do, Bro. At least if you both want closure, one way or another."   
  
"Is that possible? Even after all this time?"   
  
"I think so."   
  
Tommy heaved a heavy sigh. "Problem is, how do I get Kimberly to talk to me? Will she even want to?"   
  
The look he got in reply said 'Don't be an idiot' as clearly as if Jason had spoken aloud, and Tommy felt his cheeks grow hot.   
  
"Uh, stupid question?"   
  
"Very stupid."   
  
Jason let that sink in for a moment, then gave Tommy an encouraging smile as both got up and made their way to their respective bedrooms. Just before they parted, he clapped the other on the shoulder. "If you can't make her, come to me. We'll all help you. Between Trini and myself, I'm sure we can set things up so you guys get a chance to talk. Okay?"   
  
"More than. Thanks, Bro," Tommy smiled back, not quite as convincingly as he wished. While he knew that Jason was right, he couldn't help feeling torn. *What if she wants me to forget and forgive? Can I do that? Do I even want to?* Saying a quiet 'good night' to Jason, Tommy stepped into his room and closed the door behind him. Getting ready for bed, his thoughts were in a turmoil as much as they'd been the day he'd received Kimberly's letter. *I might have no other choice. Because if I'm as honest with myself as Jase -and Kat, for that matter - insist I should be, I've gotta admit that deep down, I still have feelings for Kim. The million-dollar question is ... what KIND of feelings?*   
  
It was a question that would haunt his dreams for quite a few nights to come.   
  
~*~   
  
The festivities at Angel Grove High had been going on all day, with guided tours around the school, watching performances of the various clubs, listening to the speeches from the new principal, the mayor and several others. By now, it was evening, and there was a big dance scheduled at the gym. Tommy drove up with Kat, who looked elegant and quite lovely in her coral pink sheath dress. Kat was supposed to have come with Tanya, but the former Yellow Ranger had had to cancel at the last minute and would join the group later. It had been the most natural thing for Kat to call up her former boyfriend to ask for a ride, and Tommy had agreed without a second thought.   
  
There had been but a moment's awkwardness between them as Kat and Tommy met face to face for the first time since his visit to London, but their friendship and the deep affection they still shared took care of that almost immediately, and they'd greeted each other with genuine smiles and a warm hug. Now it was as if they'd met only weeks instead of two years ago.   
  
As Tommy found a parking space and maneuvered his car into position, Kat looked at him sideways. When he shut down the engine and turned towards her with a smile, she returned it easily enough, but made no move to get out. He raised a questioning eyebrow, and she chuckled slightly. Then, Kat laid slender fingers on his forearm.   
  
"Are you okay, Tommy?" she asked softly.   
  
"Sure I am," he answered blithely. "Why wouldn't I be?"   
  
"Tommy."   
  
The dancer just gazed at him, her blue eyes serious yet warm. Tommy held the look for a heartbeat, then lowered his own eyes and sighed.   
  
"Sorry." When Kat made no further sound, waiting patiently, he leaned back against the door. "I ... I think I am," he admitted finally. He knew what Katherine was getting at. Kimberly hadn't been able to get an earlier flight from Florida, but everyone knew she'd be joining the friends tonight. "It's gonna be hard to see Kim again after all this time ..."   
  
"...and after everything that's happened," Kat interjected quietly. She'd always suspected that Tommy was carrying a torch for Kimberly deep down, even before they had broken up in London, and this only confirmed it. It hurt a little, but she cared enough about both her friends to ignore the small pang.   
  
"Yeah." He swallowed. "But I think it's time I faced her. In more ways than the obvious."   
  
His pretty companion breathed a silent sigh of relief. "I was hoping you'd realize that," she murmured. "There's still too much unresolved between you."   
  
"Does everyone think that?"   
  
"Pretty much. The only ones too blind to see it were Kim and you, it seems."   
  
Tommy shook his head, halfway between amusement and exasperation. This was just too weird, talking about Kim like this with the woman he'd dated for years.   
  
"Well, let's get it over with, then," he said, and made as if to open the car's door. Before he could pull the handle all the way to release the lock, though, Kat's next words held him back.   
  
"Tommy ... if there's anything I can do to help you, you'll let me know, won't you? And I do mean anything," she murmured earnestly.   
  
"You're saying that?" he wondered, genuinely astonished at Kat's generosity of spirit.   
  
"Of course. You know I love you. Maybe no longer as a ... well, as a lover," she blushed prettily, "but as a friend. You need to put this business with Kim behind you once and for all - one way or another. And for that, you need to talk with her. We all want to know why she broke up with you like that. If you get the chance to find your answers, I'm behind you all the way. Besides, if it wasn't me, I think Jason would be more than willing to step in." Kat's smile bordered on the impish as she said that; there was no need for Tommy to know that his friends were actively conspiring behind his back to make him do what needed to be done.   
  
His tone showed that Tommy maybe wasn't quite as unobservant as they thought he'd be.   
  
"Between the two of you, do I have a choice?" he asked drily, making Kat laugh.   
  
"Not a chance."   
  
Giving in with what grace he could muster, he got out and wandered around, to politely open the door for Kat. When she slipped out and stood before him, smoothing her dress and hair, Tommy couldn't help giving in to a sudden impulse. He hugged Kat, hard, and brushed a friendly kiss across her lips.   
  
"You're the best," he said huskily.   
  
Katherine accepted the compliment with an easy, gratified smile and touched his cheek. "Thanks. I know," she answered with a small grin. Then, the moment passed and they stepped apart again. Reaching for Tommy's arm, the blonde nodded towards the building at the end of the parking lot.   
  
"They're waiting for us in there. So, come on! I'm dying to meet Trini and Zack at last!"   
  
"All right." With a long-suffering sigh that evoked mock-heartless laughter from Kat, he ushered the former Pink Ranger into the festively-decorated gym.   
  
~*~   
  
  
To be continued ...


	4. A Reunion, Of Sorts

Note: Okay, I admit defeat: I should never have sent my Muse into another room. Now that he's back near the computer, he's started earning his keep again. About time, too! Anyhoo, here's some more of the current story; hope y'all enjoy. (Don't hesitate to tell me if you did .pretty please?)DB  
  
  
  
Letters 2: A Reunion, Of Sorts  
  
By Dagmar Buse  
  
  
  
The party was a hit; on that, all the former Rangers present agreed. Seeing Kimberly again had been much less awkward and painful than Tommy had anticipated, mostly because of the others' presence. Rocky had made a big show over swooning melodramatically when the petite gymnast showed up, dressed in the latest Paris fashion with exquisite makeup and a hairdo that was at once sophisticated and casual. When the general laughter over his antics had died down, Kim took her seat between Trini and Adam, looked around with shining eyes and smiled the smile that still had the power to make Tommy's heart miss a beat. Not that he'd ever admit it out loud.  
  
"This is so great, you guys," she gushed, almost as if she were still seventeen. "And I thought I'd feel so weird, being here ."  
  
"Why would you?" Rocky wondered, pouring a glass of punch for her.  
  
Kimberly gazed down at the tabletop momentarily, while the others held their breaths. Was she referring to her relationship with Tommy, or . but, no. "It's just . I know this is not a class reunion or anything, but . after all, I didn't graduate with you guys. I was kinda thinking I didn't belong here, not really, you know?"  
  
Jason spoke for all of them.  
  
"That's nonsense, Kim. You're one of us, one of our class, just like Billy and Aisha. And even if this were our reunion, you'd still belong here."  
  
"Jason's right, Kimberly," Tanya added with a warm smile. "Because if you didn't belong, neither would I; after all, I only attended AGH for senior year. And I don't see anybody trying to kick me out."  
  
"Nobody would dare," Rocky muttered under his breath with a sly wink at the Yellow Ranger, but wasn't quite quiet enough; his remark earned him snickers from the others and a hard - if friendly - wallop from Adam. Tanya had a hard time controlling her twitching lips.  
  
"Watch it, DeSantos," she shot back. "Or else!"  
  
"Or else what?"  
  
"I'll think of something! Something involving . hmm . snakes, maybe?" Tanya replied with a wicked look.  
  
Rocky pretended to recoil in terror, glowered at Adam and said indignantly, "See what I mean? This woman is dangerous, I tell you! Are you sure you wanna marry her?!?"  
  
Adam was quite used to the bickering often going on between his fiancée and Rocky; he only grinned at his old friend, caught Tanya's hand and gently kissed her fingertips, transforming her fake scowl into a radiant smile. "Absolutely."  
  
"Huh. Well . it's your life you're gambling with," Rocky teased, winking at the dark-skinned young woman who started to laugh. "Just don't come running to me for help. She scares me!"  
  
Not for the last time that night, laughter branded up over the group's table, setting the mood for the evening.  
  
~*~  
  
There was much reminiscing and catching up between the friends during dinner and the inevitable speeches, and to the friends' mutual delight it turned out that Trini, Zack and Kim would be returning to California in the near future - the former Peace Conference delegates to finish graduate studies together at UCLA, and Kimberly to shoot an advertising campaign for her main sponsor - both TV and magazine ads. Hearing this, Kat revealed that she'd been thinking about taking a job at Angel Grove Conservatory as a dance instructor once her contract was up, and was rewarded with very satisfying enthusiasm from the gang.  
  
"That'd mean that all of us would be back together again!" Zack was jubilant at the prospect. "Not all in the same place, but close enough to meet ."  
  
"Everybody except Billy," Trini commented with a tiny sigh; she was still grieving over her lost chance with the one-time Blue Ranger. There seemed to have been time and enough to confess her feelings, only Billy had chosen Cestria before she returned. And while Trini was honestly glad that he'd found happiness, she was still mourning the fact that she'd probably never see him again. If he had to fall in love with anyone else but her, she had hoped they could at least stay friends. However, with her living on Earth and Billy on Aquitar, that didn't seem likely. Her musings were interrupted by Jason, who gave her a compassionate look; he'd always known about her dreams.  
  
"Yeah, but I'm sure he's thinking of us as often as we're thinking of him," the first leader of the Rangers said, raising his glass for a toast. "To absent friends," he offered quietly.  
  
Glasses clinked together as the others at the table joined him.  
  
"Absent friends."  
  
"To Billy."  
  
"And Aisha."  
  
"Justin."  
  
"Zordon," Tommy added in a hushed tone, and the nine fell silent, then drained their glasses as one. For a minute, all of them were lost in thought, remembering the ancient sage in his Time Warp who had so profoundly influenced all their lives; then they collected themselves, and conversation gradually resumed.  
  
~*~  
  
The official part of the evening passed eventually, and once the band started playing, Kat found herself dragged off to the dance floor by Zack.  
  
"When do I have the chance to dance with someone who really knows what she's doing?" he asked rhetorically, and soon the two were the center of attention, dazzling the crowd with their extravagant moves.  
  
Rocky had wandered off to look for Sarah, Jason had been caught by Vice Principal Mrs. Rodriguez and was deep in a discussion about the student employees at the dojo, and Trini was giving Tanya tips about how to integrate her own African heritage with the traditional Korean wedding ceremony the Parks wanted for their son. Adam listened intently, commenting occasionally on this or that. Which left Tommy and Kimberly sitting across each other at the table, in a silence that was becoming more strained the longer it lasted. Desperate for a topic - any topic - that would break the impasse, Tommy looked at the petite woman out of the corner of his eye while he sipped at his drink. They'd already covered the end of Kim's active career as a gymnast, him having found his brother, his change of heart about racing, Kimberly's stay in Paris . what else was there to talk about?  
  
Tommy knew what he wanted to ask Kim, but he couldn't bring himself to enquire about 'the letter' in public; that was a subject they needed to deal with without witnesses. Even ones as sympathetic and concerned as their friends. However, it seemed as if he wouldn't have a choice but to blurt it out . just then, a laughing, out-of-breath Kat and Zack returned to the group's table. Eagerly, they reached for their drinks and drank thirstily.  
  
"Oh, that was fun," Kat panted, fanning herself with a napkin. Her hair was in very attractive disarray, a few loose strands escaped from her chignon now framing her face quite becomingly. "I haven't danced like this for ages!"  
  
"Quite a change from ballet," Kim commented with a small grin, to find Kat nodding enthusiastically.  
  
"Exactly!"  
  
"In that case, how about some more fun?" Zack suggested, smiling broadly. "I think they're playing our song, pretty lady!" He drew Kat to her feet again.  
  
"I didn't know we had a song," she wondered aloud, only to have Zack bow grandly to her.  
  
"Sure we do. It's this one!" The band struck up a Benny Goodman tune, and the couples still on the dance floor started to sway to the catchy music.  
  
"Oh. Of course." Not at all unwillingly, Katherine followed her exuberant partner and curtsied deeply before being swept away with a flourish.  
  
"Looks like those two have met their match in each other," Kimberly said, half to herself. "It sure seems as if they're having the time of their lives!"  
  
The slightly wistful remark struck Tommy, and before he could think, he'd opened his mouth.  
  
"Would you care to dance, too?" he asked, surprising himself. He wanted to talk to Kim, not hold her in his arms during a dance! *Or ever! I'm not nuts! Or a masochist!*  
  
Kim slowly turned to look at him, her doe eyes going slightly distant. Memories rose, of other times when she'd danced with Tommy . their first date, the Sadie Hawkins dance soon after Adam, Rocky and Aisha had transferred to AGH . the Junior Police Ball. She could read the same in Tommy's brown eyes, and for a moment, they were as much in tune with each other as they'd ever been as teenagers. Then, the moment passed. From somewhere, Kimberly summoned a smile. Knowing she was courting danger, she nevertheless nodded at Tommy.  
  
"I'd love to."  
  
He reached out, she laid suddenly icy fingers in his palm, and simultaneously the two rose. Stepping onto the dance floor, they moved into each other's arms - most carefully keeping their distance - and started dancing.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
*I didn't think it would be THIS hard.*  
  
The same thought beat in both Tommy and Kimberly's minds as they tried to lose themselves to the rhythm. However, both failed miserably. Knowing the other as well as they still did, each was painfully aware of the stiffness with which they kept separate, desperate not to let the other know how easy it would be to give in to nostalgia and lingering emotions and just melt into welcoming arms.  
  
Their friends unobtrusively watched the couple as they danced, wanting to help but knowing that for once they dared not interfere; this was something Tommy and Kim had to work out on their own.  
  
"If something doesn't give soon, they'll break," Tanya whispered to Trini, who nodded seriously. It seemed as if the low words had reached the dance floor; suddenly, the two ex-Rangers stopped moving, Kim seemed to say something, then turned abruptly and wove her way through the crowd towards the gym's exit. After a second's hesitation, Tommy followed, his expression as determined as when they'd prepared for battle.  
  
"Showtime," Rocky muttered to no-one in particular.  
  
"Yeah. And about time, too," Jason commented.  
  
"I just hope they'll be okay," Kat hoped with a worried frown.  
  
"The situation between them can't be any worse than it's been already; we just have to hope for the best," Tanya sighed and reached for Adam's hand, profoundly grateful that their romance never sailed through such stormy waters. The group of friends then turned their attention back to the table, leaving Tommy and Kim to sort out their problem in reasonable privacy.  
  
~*~  
  
Kimberly moved her feet mechanically to the music, trying to relax enough to be guided in the dance's rhythm by Tommy's still rather non- expert guidance, but found herself unable to. There were too many memories assailing her, too great was the temptation to rest her head against that broad shoulder and snuggle against Tommy's chest.  
  
*Like I used to, before I sent him that cursed letter!*  
  
As a consequence, she was stiff and, compared to her customary grace and agility, rather clumsy.  
  
Tommy was facing much the same problems; he knew he was only a mediocre dancer. Although she'd never breathed a word, when dancing with Kat he'd always felt as if he didn't quite measure up to her style and talent. With Kim, it had been different; somehow, his first girlfriend had never seemed to mind that he wasn't exactly Fred Astaire. Kim would just come into his arms, smile up into his eyes and music and feet had sorted themselves out almost as if by magic.  
  
*Man, I wish I could hold her like I used to, before she sent me that damned letter!*  
  
Right now, his coordination and what little dancing ability he had seemed to abandon Tommy completely.  
  
Things took their inevitable course; when trying to perform a simple turn to avoid bumping into another couple, Tommy stepped on Kim's toes. Hastily, he recovered his balance. "Geez, Kim, I'm sorry," he apologized as they came to a sudden stop.  
  
"No, it's okay, I ."  
  
Kimberly made the mistake of meeting Tommy's eyes. The chocolate-brown depths gazed at her concernedly, but there was a wariness at the back that hurt her to the quick. It was a look she'd hoped she would never have to see again - it was the way Tommy had masked his feelings when he was freed from Rita's spell, and once more when he'd lost the Green Ranger Powers and faced his friends as a civilian for the first time. Only this time, it was infinitely worse - because Kim was painfully aware that she had put that look there.  
  
Abruptly, she let go of Tommy and took a step back.  
  
Tears were gathering in her own eyes and threatening to spill over; hanging on to the last shreds of her composure, Kim swallowed hard to make her voice work. She succeeded only marginally.  
  
"I can't take this anymore," she choked out. "It's too much!"  
  
"Er . what?" Tommy asked inanely, caught by surprise.  
  
*Idiot!* he berated himself mentally. *You know very well what she's referring to.*  
  
However, the petite brunette left him no time for further thought. Gathering all her courage, she forced out the words she knew she should've said years ago.  
  
"Tommy . we need to talk. Meet me outside." Turning on her heel, Kimberly lost the struggle against her tears and blindly rushed towards the exit as fast as she could.  
  
"Kim, I -"  
  
The young man raised a hand as if to hold her back, but reconsidered at the last moment. Kimberly was right, they did need to talk. Tommy slumped. This was not the time or the setting he would've chosen, but maybe it was just as well. The confrontation was way overdue. *And maybe there just isn't a right time or place.*Inhaling a shaky breath, he squared his shoulders. *Let's get this over with.*  
  
Feeling as if he was about to face Goldar, Zedd, Mondo and Gasket in battle all at once, Tommy marched after Kimberly.  
  
~*~  
  
He found her at the edge of the parking lot, near a street light. Far enough away from the gym to escape being disturbed by people just stepping outside for a smoke, a little less noise or a breath of fresh air, but still close enough to be seen and thus avoiding the appearance of anything clandestine or furtive.  
  
Kim stood with her back towards him, arms wrapped tightly around herself as if to ward off a chill, although the night air was rather balmy. Her back muscles were tight, her posture ramrod straight even though her head was bowed. A couple of steps behind her, Tommy waited for Kim to move, to say something . even just to look at him. When that didn't happen, he waited some more. Roughly five minutes passed like this, a stalemate between them that had begun one day in February six years ago. Finally, Tommy could stand the heavy silence no longer. Tentatively, he reached out and briefly touched Kim's shoulder.  
  
"Kim .?"  
  
She started, although she hadn't been unaware of his presence.  
  
"Y-yes."  
  
Inhaling a shaky breath, she made herself face Tommy. When she lifted her face to his at last, he was shocked to see her eyes swimming with tears. He was about to say something, when she raised her hand in protest and shook her head.  
  
"No. P-please . let me talk first?" Kimberly barely waited for Tommy's assenting nod before continuing. "Before I lose my nerve." Her soft voice was deeper than he was used to, rough with emotions and the tears she was valiantly trying to hold back. The slender throat convulsed as she tried to speak. After several hard swallows that made Tommy wish he could offer her a drink of water, she succeeded.  
  
"Tommy . I'm sorry. So, so sorry," she whispered. "I should never have broken up with you - at least not the way I did. I made the biggest mistake of my life the day I sent you that letter, and I wish with all my heart I could take it back. You deserved so much better than that."  
  
Tommy felt his own vocal chords clog as he heard the words he'd been unconsciously waiting for all this time. Helpless in the grip of emotions he could scarcely control, he asked the question that burned foremost in his mind - had, in fact, been doing so for years.  
  
"Why? Kim, what happened? WHY did you break up with me like that?"  
  
The tears did start to fall then, trickling down pale cheeks in a silver rivulet Kim made no effort to stop.  
  
"I d-don't know anymore," she sniffled. "Tommy, please believe me, I never wanted to hurt you . not like this . but at the time, it seemed like the only thing I could do." She swiped at her face with the back of her hand, in vain. "I . I was so alone, and confused, and I needed you so." Her words were coming faster now, tumbling over each other as she continued. "I know now - if I'd never gone to Florida in the first place, I'd never have written you that letter. I knew at the time that I was hurting you, but I hurt, too, and I didn't know what else to do . if you'd only been there, but you weren't, and I had to do something ."  
  
"Then why didn't you call?" he demanded, all the old pain and confusion he'd felt then coming back with a vengeance. "You know I would've been there for you - helped you with whatever problem you had - but you didn't even give me the chance! Instead, you blew me off in a letter! You couldn't even do it in person?!?"  
  
Kim was crying openly now, but she no longer cared. She deserved every harsh word; they were nothing more than what she'd been telling herself ever since, after all.  
  
*Tell him now!* the voice Kim hadn't heard since that fateful night so long ago urged her. *Now's the time to tell him the REAL reason you broke up with him - the truth, not some excuse!* But she ignored it, telling herself that she was not angling for sympathy because of her illness. Not when there had been other, far more 'important' reasons why she had done what she did.  
  
"Tommy, please . you were the Red Ranger. The world needed you; I knew you couldn't desert the team. Not even for me," she sobbed. "On top of everything else, I didn't want that on my conscience, too. It was bad enough that I knew I was going to hurt you, no matter what. I didn't want to do it. I never wanted to hurt you. I loved you!"  
  
"Then why, Kim? Why did you? I loved you, too - you must've known I'd have done anything in my power to help."  
  
Kimberly shook her head sadly. Impatiently, she dashed her tears away with unsteady fingers, not caring that her carefully-applied makeup was smudged, leaving dark circles of mascara under her eyes. "That's just it," she murmured roughly. "There was nothing you could've done, and at the time, I thought I was doing the right thing by letting you go."  
  
Tommy was breathing hard, and had to fight the urge to run his hands through his long hair. He settled for rubbing his neck instead, unmindful that he was loosening the silver clasp holding his ponytail so that a few strands escaped.  
  
"Okay. Okay," he muttered, forcing calm upon himself. "I . I guess I can accept that; after all, we were three thousand miles apart, and we both had a duty to our teams." It was his mind saying this; his heart was still protesting the rationalization. "But why didn't you come to me after whatever crisis you went through was over and explain? You must've known I would forgive you almost anything."  
  
She sent a tremulous smile up at him. "I . I had hoped for something like that when I came home that summer, but then Divatox happened, and ." she couldn't go on, the memory of her actions under Maligore's spell still filling her with shame and remorse. Tommy correctly interpreted her sudden hesitation.  
  
"You weren't responsible, and neither was Jase," he said firmly. Of that, he'd always been sure. How could he think otherwise, after his own experiences as Rita Repulsa's pawn? Then, he came back to the subject at hand. "Why didn't you come to me afterwards?" he demanded to know. "After the tournament, we could have talked ."  
  
But Kimberly shook her head no, her eyes dry now but infinitely sad in her pale face.  
  
"No," she whispered. "I couldn't."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because of Kat," she answered simply. "When you hugged her after you'd won, the two of you looked so happy together, I just couldn't bring myself to hurt either of you in any way. Not after what I'd just done."  
  
Tommy blushed; caught up in his memories and the emotional turmoil they evoked, he'd all but forgotten about the lovely blonde and what she had been to him at the time. Embarrassed that he could be so negligent, after all the things Kat had done for him to help him through that dark period in his life, he looked away for a moment.  
  
"Oh. Um . yeah." He sounded and looked so sheepish that Kim had to chuckle softly. It was a rather watery sound, but it helped overcome the sudden awkwardness.  
  
"Exactly," she murmured, glancing at him shyly through her lashes. Timidly, she reached out and put a hand on his forearm. "Tommy?"  
  
With an effort, he recalled himself to the present. "Yes?"  
  
"Do you . do you think you can forgive me one of these days?" Kimberly asked, rosy color tingeing her cheeks at the temerity. "I- I honestly didn't mean to hurt you like I did. And if I could, I'd undo it in a heartbeat."  
  
Tommy looked at his first love for a long, long time, taking in the hope lurking in the depths of the doe eyes. He thought about what he'd been through when he received her letter, what he'd learned about himself and life since then, and about what Kim had just told him. Suddenly, he was beginning to feel very weary, and he sighed.  
  
"I'm really, truly sorry," Kim repeated, mistaking his reaction for rejection. *Well . at least I've tried, and apologized properly at last.* "I know this is maybe too little, too late, but it's what I wanted to tell you. No," she interrupted herself, "what I've been needing to tell you for ages. I hope you can at least accept my apology for the way I treated you, even if you can't forgive me."  
  
"But I can," Tommy found himself saying, much to his own surprise. He'd been so certain he'd need time to think it all through, weigh whatever Kim might tell him against his own pain, but . "I do forgive you," he said wonderingly, suddenly knowing it to be true.  
  
*Maybe all I really needed was to hear her say she's sorry,* he mused, but that mattered little now in the face of the sudden joy lighting up the delicate features.  
  
"Y-you do?" the petite brunette breathed incredulously. "Really?"  
  
"Yes, really," Tommy smiled, feeling a burden he hadn't known he still carried lifting slowly from his heart. "You know I could never stay mad at you for long."  
  
Kim gave a little squeak of pure happiness, and suddenly Tommy found his arms full of soft femininity - Kim had launched herself at him much as she used to do when they still were a couple and very much in love. Instinctively, he caught her and the two hugged for a timeless moment. Then, Kim recalled herself and blushing hotly, she disentangled herself from an embrace she felt she'd lost the right to.  
  
"Sorry," she mumbled, although deep down she wasn't. It had felt sooo good!  
  
Neither was Tommy, but he would rather have cut off his ponytail here and now than admit it. "'S okay," he replied, his arms seeming very empty all of a sudden. Awkwardly, he stepped back a bit and cleared his throat.  
  
"So . um . what do we do now?"  
  
"What do you mean?" Kim wondered, not daring to hope he meant anything special by the question.  
  
*Get a grip, girl! Isn't it enough he forgave you? Do you have to wish for the stars even though he just handed you the moon?*But she couldn't help herself; Tommy had always had that effect on her.  
  
"Er . do you want to go back inside, or do you want me to take you home?" Tommy fumbled, secretly wishing Kim would want to stay with him just a little longer. To do what, he didn't know nor care; he only wanted to enjoy her company some more. Again.  
  
"Oh." Hiding her disappointment, Kim didn't have to think twice. If nothing else, she wanted Tommy's company just a little longer *Like forever,* her foolish heart suggested, but she pushed the thought away with regret and secret longing. "I . I'd like to stay, if you don't mind," she answered. "Maybe . maybe we could even have that dance I ran out on?" she ventured, holding her breath at her daring.  
  
"I'd like that," Tommy replied, making no effort to suppress the relieved smile he could feel forming on his face. "I'd like that very much."  
  
Glad to have an excuse to touch Kim again, if only very innocently, he offered her his arm. "Shall we go back then?"  
  
"Yes, please."  
  
Together, the two walked back towards the gym. When they reached the entrance, Kim caught sight of herself in a polished glass pane.  
  
"Oh my God," she blurted, horrified, lifting a hand towards her black- rimmed eyes. "I can't go back in there looking like this!"  
  
"Oh, I dunno," Tommy teased. "I've heard the grunge look is still quite the thing!"  
  
Shooting him a look full of venom, and glad she could do so again with a clear conscience, Kim let go of Tommy's arm.  
  
"Tommy Oliver .!" she warned.  
  
"What?" he said oh-so-innocently.  
  
Kimberly had to laugh. "I don't buy that look any more than I did seven years ago," she grumbled. "Wait for me while I visit the restroom, please? I won't take long." Her brown eyes were imploring and impossible to resist.  
  
"Sure," Tommy answered and watched her scamper off with a smile.  
  
True to her word, Kim returned in record time, her face free of mascara smudges once again and bright with joy. "I'm ready."  
  
"Then let's dance!"  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
From their table, their friends watched their return with concern that soon turned to obvious relief.  
  
"Well, it looks like those two have finally sorted themselves out," Jason grinned hugely, signalling a passing student acting as waiter for refills all around.  
  
"And about time, too, to quote someone I know," Adam added with a relieved smile. He didn't like knowing that any of his friends were at odds with each other, for whatever reason. And ever since he'd been the one to read Kim's infamous letter to Tommy at the Youth Center, he'd felt an odd guilt about the whole affair, even though he knew it was a totally irrational sentiment.  
  
"Who might that be?" Jason asked with a perfectly straight face.  
  
"Nooooo idea," both Rocky and Tanya chorused, and that set everybody off laughing. Soon after, the conversation turned general again, and they only occasionally cast a caring glance towards the dance floor, still watching over their friends who were swaying to the music, oblivious to everything but the feeling of rightness they were experiencing right this instant. One single thought was paramount in both Tommy and Kim's mind.  
  
*I wish this night would never end.*  
  
  
  
To Be Continued . 


	5. Disclosures

Note: Some more to tantalize you. ( Yes, I know I'm evil. But rest assured, this IS still going somewhere. Soon, too .Thanks again for all the nice comments on the previous installment! DB  
  
  
  
Letters 2: Disclosures  
  
  
  
  
  
Tanya to Trini  
  
" . Trini, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you guys throwing a bridal shower for me; and I'm truly glad that we'll be getting to know each other some more. You've been so helpful about everything to do with traditions and stuff! Thank you! Anyway, as Adam and I will be moving into a bigger place right after the wedding, my folks have offered to host the shower at their home; I hope you all won't mind my mom being there, too. I've told her so much about all of you, she's dying to meet you. ."  
  
"Welcome," Mrs. Sloane called as the four female ex-Rangers climbed out of Kim's car in the wide driveway. The girls greeted her and Tanya, then started unloading a number of mysterious packages from the trunk that made Tanya's eyes widen with curiosity.  
  
"Are those for me?" she asked.  
  
"No, for the Salvation Army," Kat quipped. "We always gift-wrap our donations. Of course they're for you, silly."  
  
"Ooh . let me see!" Eagerly, Tanya reached for a flat box tied with a big, shiny yellow bow.  
  
"Later, Tanya," Mrs. Sloane recalled her excited daughter to her duties as hostess/guest of honor with a smile that was both indulgent and slightly reproachful. "You're worse than you used to be at age five on Christmas morning!"  
  
"You mean she's changed since then?" Aisha deadpanned. Tanya pouted as her mother pretended to consider the question, then slowly shook her head no, and the six women burst out laughing, creating an instant camaraderie that transcended age. It was easy to see for the others from where Tanya had inherited both her down-to-earth ways and her charm. Mrs. Sloane led the way into the cool foyer.  
  
"Let's see if my scientific training lets me get all your names right. Katherine I already know, of course," she winked at the blonde Australian, "Aisha is pretty obvious - how is Ashala, Dear? You must tell me everything about her and the village if we have a minute! Tanya's told me that Trini is the nice Asian who knows all about Buddhist weddings, so that means you must be Kimberly the gymnast," she concluded, grinning down on a delighted Kim.  
  
"That's right, Mrs. Sloane," the petite brunette laughed, liking the humor. "Brilliant deduction!"  
  
"Oh, call me Ella," the older woman offered to all, ushering the girls through a spacious living area onto the sunny terrace, where refreshments and canapés had been set out under a large umbrella. "What?" she twinkled innocently, as she noticed Aisha's incredulous look.  
  
"I'm sorry, but . but you don't really look like an Ella to me," the dark-skinned girl said apologetically. "No offense!"  
  
"None taken," Ella Sloane chuckled. "You're hardly the first to think that."  
  
"Mom's full name is Eleanor," Tanya stage-whispered with a grin, dodging her mother's half-hearted swat expertly. "Named after Eleanor Roosevelt. Only, she's always hated the name . but loves jazz, and especially Ella Fitzgerald's music, so ."  
  
"Names can be awful," Trini nodded, instantly at ease under the friendly banter. She gently slapped Tanya's hands away from a gaily-wrapped package and put it under her chair for later. "You have NO idea how often I've been asked what my full name is; everybody always assumes that 'Trini' is an abbreviation of something. Like Katrina."  
  
"You think it's easier with a name like mine?" Kat commented with a long- suffering sigh. "Katherine has to be the one name with more variations than any other. Well, maybe Elizabeth comes close, but ..." She shrugged. "There's Katy, Kathy, Kathleen, Kaitlin ..."  
  
"Not to mention the really cutesy ones, like Kitty," Kimberly smirked, knowing how much Kat hated that particular diminutive.  
  
"Don't remind me," the blonde shuddered dramatically. "Kat was definitely the lesser evil. Of course, now I have to put up with all the cat jokes ."  
  
"Well, we could always go back to calling you PC," Kim suggested straight- faced, only to squeal in pretend fright when Kat growled menacingly and took a swipe at her with her hands shaped into claws.  
  
"Mwrrroooooaaaarrrrrrrrrr!"  
  
"HELP!"  
  
"Tough luck, Kim; you're all on your own against the Pink Panther," Aisha snickered, then nearly fell off her chair when Kat turned towards her with a mock-ferocious scowl. "Um . maybe not. Anybody got some catnip?"  
  
"Try this," Tanya wheezed, nearly doubled over with laughter as she passed around a tray with filled champagne flutes. "I've heard say it soothes even the most savage of beasts!"  
  
"Who're you calling a beast?!?"  
  
Tanya's answer was lost as Ella Sloane went back to the kitchen for some cheese puffs; she shook her head in silent amusement. *These girls! Grown, successful women each, and yet as silly as high school sophomores! Me likes!* No wonder Tanya had been so insistent to have her friends at the wedding, even though Kat and Kimberly would be sticking out like sore thumbs among all the Parks, Kims, Sloanes and Henrys. *Well, there's no helping it. Besides, with Adam's friends also there, they won't be the only Caucasians present. And it doesn't really matter, anyway.* If there was one thing Adam and Tanya's family had in common, it was the lack of racial prejudice. It made for a very pleasant foundation on which to build a closer relationship; Ella was very much looking forward to discussing various Korean historical sites with Adam's great aunt Midori.  
  
~*~  
  
There was much laughter and plain girlish silliness as the women consumed the delicious food and sipped their drinks; they'd switched to non- alcoholic punch after that first glass of champagne because they didn't need anything else to enjoy themselves. The girls could reminisce to their hearts' content as Mrs. Sloane knew about their former 'day jobs', and she enjoyed the funny memories related by the longer-serving Rangers as much as Tanya.  
  
At one point, she looked at the younger women admiringly. "You know . ever since Tanya rescued us from Mysterio Island and revealed her identity to us, I've admired what you all did, but to get to know you like this . it's truly been an experience. Let me say just this once that I'm very glad my daughter has found friends like you. I've always wanted that for her, and it's a privilege to see how much you all like each other."  
  
There were a few pleased yet embarrassed smiles, but then Kat spoke up.  
  
"Thank you. But if there ever was a privilege, it was really ours; I don't know if I'd be the person I've become if it hadn't been for meeting the gang and getting chosen to be a Ranger." Aisha and Tanya nodded; they, too had once joined the team as newcomers. Kimberly and Trini exchanged a look.  
  
"Don't make us into anything more than we were," the slender Asian said thoughtfully. "Sure, Kim and I were friends, but I don't know that we would have grown this close without Zordon. Before ."  
  
"Before, we were typical teenage girls; concerned about boys, clothes, being popular . well, Trini also cared about her schoolwork," Kimberly grinned. "I was . kinda shallow. Doing, like, the Valley Girl stuff?" she drawled in an imitation of her former ways, making the others smile. "I had to grow out of that fast enough, and let me tell you, I don't regret it. Not for a second."  
  
"None of us do," Aisha concurred. "I mean, I liked hanging out with Rocky and Adam, being one of the guys and everything, but I've learned so much through becoming a Ranger - I feel as if I've really changed into a better person."  
  
"Which is something not many people can say of themselves, especially at such a relatively young age," Ella said. Once again, she marvelled at the quirks of fate that had led Tanya to Angel Grove and her friends. She felt that no matter what, her daughter would always have someone to count on. It made her own life as an anthropologist - which often meant going on expeditions into remote, and sometimes dangerous, areas - that much easier, knowing that Tanya wouldn't be alone if something ever should happen to her or her husband. Dispelling the suddenly rather somber mood with a bright smile, Ella refilled a couple of glasses, then leaned back in her chair.  
  
"Isn't it time for the male stripper yet?" she asked nonchalantly, enjoying the looks of stunned disbelief on the girls' faces at her outrageous question. "That's sort of traditional for a bachelorette party like this, isn't it? Don't tell me you've forgotten to arrange for one!"  
  
Blushing hotly, Kat cleared her throat. She didn't dare look at any of the others. "Um, well, I, ah, I guess ."  
  
"What a pity. And I was so looking forward to it," Ella said blandly.  
  
"Mom! What would Dad say if he heard you?!?" Tanya gasped. She knew her mother could be rather unconventional sometimes, but surely she didn't believe .  
  
Ella grinned. "You really want to know? I think he'd watch the guy very carefully, then take him aside and lecture him about the significance of formal stripping of clothes and the tradition of related mating rituals among the natives of Papua-New Guinea. Or some other place like that. Thereby completely missing the point of the show."  
  
Tanya suddenly began to giggle. "Yeah, that sounds like Dad, alright!"  
  
Mrs. Sloane sighed melodramatically. "I love your father dearly, but sometimes . he just doesn't have a clue." She shook her head in resignation.  
  
Kim, Kat, Aisha and Trini had overcome their own surprise by now. They, too, started to laugh.  
  
"You know, I bet I could probably name a couple of guys who are just like that," Kim smirked.  
  
"Oh yeah," Aisha laughed. She started ticking names off her fingers. "Let's see . in alphabetical order, that'd be Adam, Billy ."  
  
".Jason, Justin, Rocky, Tommy ." Kat added, and the others nodded sagely.  
  
"Pathetic, as we used to say, right, Kim?" Trini concluded, then reached for the package she'd hidden from Tanya earlier. "Well . maybe this will help you to make Adam less clueless." With a knowing smile, she handed the box over.  
  
Eagerly, Tanya took off the lid and looked at the contents - aromatic oils, creams and massage lotions. As soon as she realized what was the likely purpose of the gift, she blushed.  
  
"Oh my .!"  
  
With a naughty giggle, Kat produced the box with the yellow bow. "I believe this might go well with that!"  
  
"Ooh-là-là!" Kim cooed as Tanya unfolded a lacy baby-doll nightie that clearly would leave very little to Adam's imagination. "NICE!"  
  
"I'll say," Aisha put forth drily. "If you wear that, the poor boy won't know what hit him."  
  
By now, Tanya's initial embarrassment had given way to laughter. "Don't worry, I know enough to revive him if he has heart failure," she chuckled as she continued to unpack her friends' presents, which ranged from the useful to the silly. Comments and suggestions about their use were flying fast and furiously, when Ella excused herself and went inside to answer the shrilling phone. It took her quite a while to return to the patio, and when she did, her dark skin had a greyish cast, and her eyes looked terrified. It was such a contrast to the vibrant personality she had shown before that Kimberly, who happened to glance her way, couldn't suppress a small exclamation of surprise.  
  
"Ella, what is it?"  
  
Tanya looked up from admiring a pair of crystal candlesticks and nearly shattered them in her haste to rush to her mother's side as she noticed tears streaming down the usually strong, vital face.  
  
"Mom!"  
  
Carefully, she guided Ella to her chair. Trini quickly poured some leftover champagne into a glass and made the older woman take a sip or two. The others gathered around, anxiously waiting to see if they could help their hostess. Gradually, Mrs. Sloane calmed down enough to look at her daughter.  
  
"Tanya . oh my God, baby ." Fresh tears spilled over, and Kat fumbled for a handkerchief, giving it to Tanya who was getting increasingly worried.  
  
"What's wrong? Has something happened to Dad?"  
  
"No . no, your father's fine," Ella hiccuped. Something about the way she said it sent a shiver down Tanya's spine.  
  
"Then what is it?" she urged.  
  
With an effort, Ella made herself relax. Briefly, she considered saying nothing, but one look into the five concerned faces around her changed her mind. Having seen the close ties among the group of young women, she realized they'd learn about it anyway; they might as well hear it now.  
  
"I . that was my doctor's office who just called," she began haltingly. "You know I had a check-up recently, for that dig we're supposed to go on this fall? Anyway, the test results are in, and . oh God, Tanya, they found I've g-got . I've got cancer!" Ella started to cry once more. "We had so many plans still, Gabe and I . now this! What if I'm going to die? Who will look after him, go along with him on the expeditions? And you." She lifted haunted eyes to her shocked daughter. "I had hoped to see you have babies of your own; who will be there for you if you need me and I'm gone?"  
  
Tanya started to cry, too. Helplessly, all she could do was embrace her mother.  
  
"Mom . oh Mom, I don't know! It seems as if I've only just found you - I can't lose you again!"  
  
The four young women exchanged looks. They all wanted to help, but how could they? An illness like this . this was beyond their experience. Kat tentatively reached out to her best friend, trying to comfort her, but seemingly couldn't get through to Tanya, who held on to Ella as both wept, oblivious to their surroundings.  
  
~*~  
  
Trini, Aisha, Kim and Kat withdrew slightly, giving mother and daughter some privacy, but kept close enough to be there should their assistance be required. They exchanged uneasy glances, not quite daring to express their feelings at this unexpected and most unwelcome event, but finally Aisha could stand the strained silence no longer.  
  
"God, I wish there was something we could do to make it easier," she murmured.  
  
"There's really nothing one can do in a situation like this," Trini whispered sadly.  
  
Kat nodded, her own voice tight with emotion. "I doubt anyone can, unless they've gone already through something like it."  
  
Kimberly heard her friends, but remained silent, her expression shuttered and distanced. The brown eyes were fixed intently on the older woman, her usually smooth forehead crunched up in a tiny frown as she just stood at the edge of the group. Her whole stance seemed to indicate she was waiting for something, but for what, nobody could say. When Aisha was about to comment, Trini stopped her with a small shake of her head. "Let her be," she suggested quietly. "Kim probably doesn't know what to say, either."  
  
That brought the first Pink Ranger out of her apparent paralysis.  
  
"But I do," Kat heard her say under her breath. "I do know."  
  
The Australian thought she had misunderstood. *I MUST have. How would Kim know.and know WHAT?* "Kim? What do you mean?" she wondered, but got no answer as the petite young woman slowly approached Tanya and her mother. Crouching before the chair, Kimberly gently touched Ella's knee.  
  
"Ella?"  
  
The older woman sniffled, then visibly tried to collect her wits. "I'm sorry," she choked. "I didn't want to spoil the mood, but . " Another sob caught in her throat.  
  
"Mom's always been simply terrified by any kind of sickness," Tanya explained through her own tears. "She just has no control over her reactions, at least not right away."  
  
"That's quite okay, Tanya," Kim gave her friend a quick, understanding smile, but brought her attention back towards Mrs. Sloane right away. "I'd just like to ask your mom a few questions, if she doesn't mind."  
  
"Kim, I don't think this is the time -" Trini was about to interrupt, but Ella drew in a deep, shuddering breath.  
  
"No, no, it's okay. Maybe that'll distract me a little." She attempted a brave smile as she ineffectually wiped her wet cheeks. "What do you want to know, Dear?"  
  
Kim inhaled shakily. It took all her courage and resolve not to falter now, knowing that she was going to expose much more of herself, of her past crisis than she'd ever intended, but she really liked Tanya's mother, and if there was any way, any way at all that she could help, at least a bit . it'd be more than worth it. *She needs my help. Just as I needed it then.* And she couldn't turn her back now. Not when there was something she could do. *It's little enough, after all .* Making her voice as gentle as she could, Kimberly took a cold hand between her own trembling fingers and waited until the dark eyes met hers.  
  
"Ella . what exactly did your doctor say? What kind of cancer do you have - where in your body is it, I mean?"  
  
Surprised, Ella recalled what she'd been told. It was difficult; she'd been so shocked, but she made the attempt nonetheless. "The nurse said it was in my ovaries . I have a tumor in my right ovary." She stifled another sob.  
  
"And do they think they can operate?" Kimberly was speaking in a deliberately soothing tone. Her whole demeanour, asking quietly for information, had a visibly calming effect on Ella.  
  
"Y-yes, I think so. Of course, they can't be sure without further tests, but Dr. Isaacs seemed to be somewhat optimistic about that."  
  
"That's good. Keep that in mind," Kim requested, smiling reassuringly as she got up and sat down in a chair next to the other woman. Gradually, giving Ella all the time she needed, the gymnast got the details of her illness out into the open. The others wondered about this; while they knew Kim as compassionate and concerned, it was unlike her to press like this for obviously painful details.  
  
*Bad enough, but not hopeless,* Kimberly thought when Tanya's mother finally wound down. *Much like it was for me.*  
  
"Thanks. I know how difficult this must've been for you." Oh, HOW she knew!  
  
She then reached for her purse and extracted a pen and a small notepad. From memory, Kim then wrote down a couple of 0-800 numbers and handed the note to Mrs. Sloane.  
  
"You might give one or both of these places a call, when you feel like it," she said gently. At the questioning look she received, Kim explained, "They're numbers for support groups for women diagnosed with cancer - especially in the uterus and other female areas. They have nurses there, doctors, psychologists . and most of all other women who have gone through exactly what you're going through now. Any questions you have, they'll give you answers, honestly and in detail. And most importantly, in terms everybody can understand. You'll get no Latin phrases from them.  
  
"Trust me on this? I wouldn't give you these numbers if I didn't think it might help. You can give my name as reference, too."  
  
Bemusedly, Ella took the piece of paper and turned it over a few times in her hands. Her mind, recovering from the initial shock, was already coming up with any number of questions she desperately wanted answers to.  
  
"Th-thanks. I think I will give them a call - tomorrow, maybe, when I've calmed down a little."  
  
"That's okay," Kim smiled, relieved her offer hadn't been rejected out of hand. "Just do it whenever you're ready to get your answers."  
  
Tanya also gave her friend a grateful, slightly wobbly smile. For her, it was enough to see her mother not quite so distraught anymore.  
  
"Thanks, Kim."  
  
Then, a thought struck her.  
  
"But say - how do you know about these help lines? You didn't even have to look them up; did someone in your family have cancer, too?"  
  
Kimberly briefly closed her eyes, echoes of the agony she'd gone through seven years ago shadowing her mind.  
  
*This is it.*  
  
The moment she'd dreaded had arrived at last. She'd never wanted her friends' pity, but knew that the time had come to reveal her secret. A look into the haunted eyes of Tanya's mother decided her. *For Ella. For every woman in the same situation.*  
  
Drawing a deep, fortifying breath, Kim shared her truth.  
  
"Not 'someone in my family'. Me."  
  
There was a stunned silence, broken at last by Trini's incredulous whisper.  
  
"WHAT?!?"  
  
Meeting her oldest friend's shocked eyes, Kim's voice was brittle but quite calm.  
  
"Yes. I had cervical cancer."  
  
~*~  
  
Aisha, Kat, Tanya and Trini looked askance at their friend, then Aisha and Trini surged forward as one, enfolding her in a fierce hug. Kat wasn't far behind; only Tanya stayed with her mother, but reached out to the first Pink Ranger as well.  
  
"Good God, Kim, when? What happened? Why didn't you tell us?"  
  
The questions tumbled over each other; it was impossible to tell who asked what, but Kim didn't mind - because in the eyes fixed on her she didn't find the pity she'd feared, but compassion and deep concern instead.  
  
*How stupid and wrong I was . then .*  
  
Accepting the comfort she'd so longed for at the time but hadn't dared ask for, Kim felt a few tears roll down her own cheeks. She wiped them quickly away.  
  
"It's okay, guys. I'm okay. Now."  
  
Reaching for composure, Trini sat back, but kept an arm around Kim's slender shoulders.  
  
"What happened?" she repeated. "Can you tell us?"  
  
Kimberly nodded, suddenly relieved that she could tell everything at last. Swallowing the lump which had formed inside of her, she started to speak.  
  
"It was a few months after I'd started training with Coach Schmidt; during the team physicals, the doctor found some irregularities ."  
  
Haltingly, she recounted everything - how she'd hoped against hope that the diagnosis was wrong, but was disappointed in that. How she'd decided to keep silent, not wanting to worry her friends and distract them from their duty as Rangers. Although she tried to hide it, the others knew her well enough to read between the lines how afraid and lonely she must've felt, dealing with this blow all by herself.  
  
"God, Kim," Trini whispered, hugging her. "I wish you would have told me. Or any of us, really."  
  
Thankfully, Kimberly returned the embrace. "I couldn't. Not at the time," she replied. "It was all I could do to call my mom."  
  
"I think I understand," Kat said softly. "If it had been me . maybe I would have done the same." Slowly, with dawning recognition, she turned towards her predecessor as something clicked in her mind.  
  
"Kim . does Tommy know?"  
  
The question hung in the air as the significance seeped into the girls' consciousness. With bated breath, they waited for an answer they already knew deep inside. And it came as no big surprise to any of them when Kimberly's pale face colored a delicate shade of pink as she shook her head.  
  
"N-no."  
  
~*~  
  
"So that's why she broke up with him," Aisha said to Trini and Kat during a three-way phone call later that night, after they'd all gone home. "I've always wondered."  
  
"Yes," Trini commented. "It always seemed so out of character for her ."  
  
"They were so much in love; even a blind person could see it. I mean, it's not all that unusual for a couple to drift apart through separation." Kat recalled how her own relationship with Tommy had ended, absurdly pleased that she could do so with only a small, wistful smile. "But for Kim to fall for someone else? I'd always wondered."  
  
"You weren't the only one," Trini concurred. The three young women discussed the startling revelations of the day a while longer before they determinedly turned their thoughts back to more pleasant events - namely Adam and Tanya's wedding, which was only a few weeks away. It was quite late before each of them found rest.  
  
~*~  
  
Kim talked to Ella Sloane a few more times in the days after Tanya's bridal shower, pleased that the older woman would seek out her advice. Sharing her own experience with her was far easier than she'd thought it would be, and in doing so found a measure of gratitude that she could finally pass on some of the help she had been given while still a teenager.  
  
Tonight, she was planning on spending a quiet evening watching TV; she'd had an exhausting day at Angel Grove University, where she was doing course work to obtain her coaching license. Now that there were fresh 'stars' coming up on the gymnastics scene, Kim had decided to fall back on her old dream of teaching. She still enjoyed minor celebrity status, but knew it wouldn't last, so it was time to see to her future.  
  
*Maybe it'll even be marriage one day,* she thought with a wistful smile, determinedly pushing an image of Tommy's lean features to the back of her mind. She'd buried that particular dream a long time ago - which was why she had refused to date him again since their reconciliation last year. *No use stirring up something that will hurt us both - again.*  
  
Carrying a glass of soda into her small living room, she was just about to sit down when the doorbell rang.  
  
"Who the heck is that?" she grumbled. A quick glance at her watch showed her it was past nine pm; hardly the time for a social call. "Unless it's one of the gang . or an emergency." The thought propelled her to the door. Pressing the buzzer without thinking, she waited for her visitor to come out of the elevator. When the sliding doors opened and a tall figure walked purposely towards her apartment, Kim suddenly went weak in the knees.  
  
"Oh God."  
  
It was Tommy. And his hard, anguished expression and the stormy brown eyes told her exactly why he had come.  
  
*He knows.*  
  
  
  
To Be Continued ... 


	6. Wedding Bells?

Note: Did you think the last cliffhanger was evil? *malicious grin* Wait 'til you read this part . heeheehee. This thing is finally drawing to a close; if all goes well, I'll be done by the end of the year. Please send me feedback? (Death threats will be summarily ignored, however .) DB, Dec. 2001  
  
  
  
Letters 2: Wedding Bells?  
  
By  
  
Dagmar Buse  
  
  
  
  
  
Kim closed her eyes briefly, wanting nothing more right now than to be able to flee, to run away as fast and as far away as possible, but she stood her ground. Her time for running was long past.  
  
Instead, she slowly opened the door to her apartment. It took every ounce of willpower she had, but she managed to meet Tommy's eyes. What she read in them formed a cold ball of dread in her stomach and bled all color from her features. *God, he's so mad .!* But Kim admitted to herself that Tommy had a right to be, after everything she'd put him through and kept from him. Sighing inwardly, she tried to steel herself against the explosion she was sure was coming. A seeming eternity that may have lasted just a few heartbeats passed, then she stepped aside, mutely inviting him in.  
  
Tommy controlled himself with an effort; his emotions hadn't been in such a turmoil since the day Kim had sent him her letter. Which apparently had been one giant lie. Right now, he couldn't even say what enraged him more - the fact that she'd hidden her illness from him, that she'd lied about it, or that she'd apparently used it as an excuse to dump him. Once again, all he could think was 'Why? Why did she do this?', and it wasn't making him any happier the second time around.  
  
Striding past the petite brunette, ignoring her pale face and scared expression, Tommy entered the cosy living room and stopped near the window, staring into the gathering darkness while he waited for Km to follow him. Subconsciously, he heard her close the front door, the soft 'click' of the light switch being turned off, her muted footfalls on the wall-to-wall carpeting as Kimberly came after him. She stayed near the door, and when he finally turned around to look at her, she was leaning against the jamb, her arms crossed behind her back as if she needed the wall to hold her upright. Kim's skin looked whiter right now than Kat's ever had; her brown eyes were frightened, but at the same time it seemed to Tommy as if there was also a hint of relief in their depths. Forcing his vocal chords to operate, Tommy blurted out what was foremost in his mind.  
  
"How could you?" he rasped.  
  
Kim didn't answer, just flinched slightly and averted her eyes.  
  
"How could you do this?" he repeated, more forcefully this time. "To me? More importantly, to us? And why did I have to hear it from Rocky - who got it from Adam, through Tanya? That's not even second-hand, that's . that's . Hell, I can't even count that far tonight!" he fumed. "Dammit, Kim, stop hiding already and tell me the whole truth! I think I deserve it, after all this time and everything you put me through!"  
  
"Yes, you do," Kimberly managed to choke out, on the verge of tears. "Tommy, I ."  
  
She had to look away again, or she would've broken down there and then. Shakily, Kim breathed deeply a few times until she was able to continue.  
  
"I did what I thought I had to do, at the time," she said wearily. "There was nothing you, or Zordon, or any of the others for that matter, could have done. I knew that all too well. And I also knew I couldn't bear your pity."  
  
"Pity?!? Kim, did you really know me that little?" Tommy exploded. "I loved you! I all but asked you to marry me! I would have been there for you, through thick and thin - just as we used to do as Rangers. But you . you couldn't wait to kick me out of your life. You didn't even give me the chance to prove that to you!"  
  
"I didn't have to," Kimberly replied, so softly Tommy nearly didn't hear her. "I knew."  
  
He started as her words registered, but they didn't do much to calm his thoughts.  
  
"Yeah, right. If you did, you had a damned funny way of showing it," he muttered, still angry. Wrestling his injured feelings back with difficulty, Tommy scowled. "Okay. Let's say you did know. Call me dumb, but I don't get it. Spell it out for me if you have to. If you really knew I wouldn't leave you, why did you dump me?"  
  
Kim opened her mouth, but before she could speak, Tommy held up a cautioning hand.  
  
"Don't give me some crock about my duty to the team again," he warned. "I had responsibilities, yes, we both did, but we could have worked something out. If we'd both tried. You didn't even do that. So, one more time, Kim - why?"  
  
The petite brunette finally let go of the wall and wandered across the softly-lit room, to a sideboard which held an array of pictures - the 'first' team, the 'second' one with Aisha, Rocky and Adam, her family, her team at the PanGlobals . the moment her medal was placed around her neck . she fingered the frames nervously, shifting and rearranging them senselessly until she'd gathered her thoughts. Then, Kim looked over her shoulder at Tommy.  
  
"I wasn't exactly being very rational at the time," she confessed. "There was too much getting piled on top of me, one thing after another. My reasons . then, I thought I had some. Not very good ones in retrospect, maybe, but they were all I had." Kim paused for a much-needed breath. "Why didn't I call you? Or anyone else, aside from my mom? Because of a number of things." She started ticking them off the fingers of one hand, one by one.  
  
"Because I was seventeen and had just been diagnosed with a potentially fatal illness. Because I was all alone, thousands of miles away from everything and everybody I loved. Because I was overworked and exhausted, both physically and mentally. Because I missed you and needed you and didn't dare ask for your help." Here she paused, swallowed and lowered her head, staring at her hands which had returned to the picture frames, grasping a photograph of herself and Tommy hand in hand in the park - a reminder of the time when they'd been young and carefree and so very much in love. Incidentally, it was the one Kat had stolen a copy of while she was still Rita's pawn. Kim had never been able to tuck it away, along with all the other mementoes of their time together. Quietly, she admitted to the last reason she'd had for writing the 'Dear Tommy' letter.  
  
"Because I was afraid that over time, when you'd realize that I . that I wasn't a whole woman anymore, you would stop loving me and leave me."  
  
~*~  
  
Tommy had halfway expected the other reasons Kim had enumerated; the rational part of his now-adult mind had already supplied him with them. But he hadn't expected to hear Kim say this.  
  
"That's the most idiotic thing I've heard in my life," he exclaimed. "Kim, how could you be so damned STUPID???"  
  
The one-time Pink Ranger laughed humorlessly, bitterly.  
  
"How? By tearing my heart out, piece by piece." Suddenly angry, she whirled to face her ex-boyfriend.  
  
"You think it was easy for me to write you that letter? Yes, it was stupid, yes, I regretted it almost the second I dropped it into the mailbox, but trust me, you weren't the only one who was hurt by it. I needed you, Tommy! I needed you so much it scared me almost as much as the idea of having cancer. I almost called the airport to take the next flight home, but what good would that have done? I still would have been sick, you still couldn't have done anything, and I still had some sense of duty left."  
  
Her anger left Kim as quickly as it had come.  
  
"After I'd written that letter, duty and responsibility were the only things I had left," she murmured tiredly. "That, and . I didn't want to die. I needed to concentrate what strength remained with me to get through the games and face the operation afterwards. So, I broke up with you. I knew I was hurting you; heck, I was hurting so much myself, I could barely see straight. I just thought ." The doe eyes closed, trying to hold back the tears. Anguished, Kim bit her lower lip.  
  
The mannerism moved Tommy like nothing else could have done. As in the days of their romance, it made him want to kiss away the faint teeth marks on the rosy lips, to soothe the small hurt. He moved towards Kim, stopping a few feet away from her - not quite ready yet to forgive everything and take her into his arms, although something within him told him in no uncertain terms to forget about all else and do just that.  
  
*No. Not . not yet.*  
  
"Thought - what, Kim?" he asked, his own voice rough with emotion. Tommy sensed, deep within, that Kim's answer would give him a necessary piece to the puzzle that had evaded him for so long.  
  
Suddenly weary of hiding, Kimberly dropped the last of her defenses. Raising her gaze to the chocolate eyes, she gave him that final truth. At last.  
  
"I thought . if I hurt you a little by sending you that letter, I could keep you from being hurt even more later, when you found out I wasn't whole anymore," she whispered. "All I wanted was for you to be happy. And if I couldn't make you happy, maybe you'd find someone else who could ." her ragged voice trailed off at the look of mingled exasperation and anger.  
  
"You hurt me more than 'a little'," Tommy said sternly. "And you should have known that it was you who made me happy - not somebody else!"  
  
Kim sighed.  
  
"A part of me did know, but . I couldn't believe anymore."  
  
"Why, Kim? Didn't you trust me at all?" Tommy asked, fresh pain evident in the question.  
  
"Yes ."  
  
"Then WHY?!?" he demanded again.  
  
"I don't know anymore, except for what I just told you," the gymnast sobbed.  
  
The choked sound proved to be too much for Tommy. Kim rarely cried, but when she did, he couldn't stand it - not then, nor now. With a curse muttered under his breath, he closed the remaining distance between the two of them and pulled Kimberly roughly into his arms. *Where she belongs.*  
  
"C'mere," he said simply.  
  
Kim stiffened as she felt those strong arms she'd longed for so often and so long in the depths of her heart close around her back, then lost the fight against her tears. Pressing her face into a muscular shoulder, she wept, her slender body shaking with the force of her sobs.  
  
"God, Kim," Tommy murmured as he held her. "Sshhh."  
  
Kim only cried harder.  
  
"Don't," he begged, but she didn't hear him. So, Tommy looked around, locating the two-seater couch against the near wall, and tried to maneuver Kim towards it. However, the young woman seemed incapable of any movement but to clutch harder at his shirt. Without thinking, Tommy did what he would have done seven years ago - he simply scooped Kim up and carried her over, sinking into the soft upholstery with Kim still held in his arms. He leaned back and waited for the emotional storm to pass, feeling curiously as if Kim's tears were washing away most of the anger and pain still lingering in his own heart. When the racking sobs finally started to subside, Tommy stroked the so-soft caramel hair, crooning nonsense words that calmed her down even further.  
  
At long last, Kim relaxed with a tired sigh. Her eyes closed, she nestled against his chest, trustingly like a child as her tears dried on her pale cheeks. She couldn't remember when she'd last felt this content, safe and protected . yes, she could. *The night before I left for Florida. When we promised each other that nothing could tear us apart. Ever.*  
  
Fate had compelled her to break that promise; it was a mistake Kim vowed never to make again, if she was only given one last chance to make things right. For now, she would enjoy being back in Tommy's arms for as long as it lasted; this was just so right, somehow .  
  
For his part, Tommy continued to rock the slim young woman gently, memories of other times spent like this uppermost in his mind. There was still some anger, but it receded gradually, to be replaced by a sensation of . rightness . that felt like nothing ever had before. *Not true. The first time I kissed her. or the day I told her 'I love you' for the first time.* Deciding to just go with the flow for now, Tommy deliberately blanked out the world. Nothing mattered but the two of them. *Like it was meant to be.*  
  
Perhaps it was.  
  
~*~  
  
Lost in their thoughts, Tommy and Kim continued to sit like this for a small eternity. Sniffling a little, Kim finally dared to lift her eyes to Tommy's.  
  
"I'm so sorry," she hiccuped. *God, this is SO lame!* But she had no other words to express what was in her heart. Would it be enough? His next words allayed her fear.  
  
"It's okay, Kim. I understand," Tommy replied. Much to his surprise, it was. And he did. The look of surprised gratitude he received was a more than ample reward. So was the feeling of peace flooding his being at that moment. From the tiny sigh Kim emitted and the way she melted into him, she was experiencing pretty much the same thing.  
  
Both fell quiet again, savoring their re-found closeness, until something that had been nagging at the back of Tommy's mind demanded attention. He debated silently whether he should bring it up at all; after such a long time, it wasn't really important anymore, but .  
  
*As long as we're clearing the air, we might as well go all the way,* Tommy decided. He cleared his throat.  
  
"Kim?"  
  
The gentle question brought Kimberly out of her pleasant, dream-like state in which Tommy would go on holding her like this for forever.  
  
"Yes?" she answered.  
  
"In that letter you sent me . you mentioned you had found another guy," Tommy murmured, feeling slightly foolish about asking this after what he'd learned tonight. But he couldn't help it; although he suspected strongly by now there hadn't been anyone else, there was an unease he finally identified as . jealousy. *Uh-oh.*  
  
Tommy swallowed surreptitiously.  
  
*Does that mean I still care about Kim? More than that, that I'm still in love with her?* Amazed at himself, he shook his head. *Who am I kidding? Of COURSE I do. Am. Oh boy.*  
  
Before the young man could deal with this sudden discovery, he was distracted by Kim starting to squirm somewhat uncomfortably as she blushed a really quite becoming shade of pink. Pleased, he noted that she didn't try to move out of his loose embrace.  
  
"I, um, I sorta made him up," she confessed haltingly, very much not looking at Tommy.  
  
"Why would you do that?" he wondered, honestly confused.  
  
Kim sighed. "I . this is gonna sound really weird, I know . I was sure that if you believed I was happy, if I'd truly found somebody else, you wouldn't come for me and ask for explanations I couldn't - well, didn't want to give," she explained. "By telling you that, I knew I not only would crush your feelings, but your pride, too. If I did that, you wouldn't confront me or call me; you'd just let me go. It was the only way I could come up with to keep you at a distance." She blushed guiltily. "It worked, too, didn't it?"  
  
"Better than you probably expected," Tommy admitted, chagrined. He'd reacted exactly as Kim had predicted he would.  
  
"I did know you pretty well after all," Kim said shyly, sneaking a peek up at the lean features. Tommy didn't look too angry, did he?  
  
"Yeah." He exhaled gustily. There was a strange dichotomy in the situation - that on the one hand, Kim could have played him so well, and on the other that she could have assumed even for a second that he would have left her for something that wasn't her fault. He turned his head slightly and caught a hopeful look Kim dared send his way.  
  
"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I promise I won't do it again." The childlike phrase surprised a small snort of laughter out of him.  
  
"Promise you won't do what again?" he asked, unable to suppress a tiny smile.  
  
"Lie to you. Not trust you. Hide stuff from you. Leave you."  
  
That last promise was scarcely more than a whisper, but Kimberly might as well have shouted at the top of her lungs, it echoed so in Tommy's mind and heart.  
  
Cautiously, Tommy surrendered to the feeling, opening his heart just a crack.  
  
"Kim . to do that, you'd have to come back to me first ." he murmured.  
  
"I . I know ."  
  
*Is this what I want? Yes.*  
  
"Would . would you want to?"  
  
Kim sat up slowly, kneeling on the couch and gazing deeply into Tommy's so-serious eyes. She could hardly believe what she'd heard.  
  
"W-would you want m-me back, then? Even after everything that happened?" she breathed, hope and fear warring in her expression.  
  
Suddenly, Tommy was very sure. Firmly, he nodded.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Kimberly began to tremble as new tears spilled down her cheeks, coursing down the smooth skin in silvery rivulets. Her lips quivered as she vainly tried to form words that wouldn't come. But her eyes lit with such joy from within that Tommy didn't need to hear anything; he just reached out a not- quite-steady hand and tenderly brushed the salty droplets away. Both his arms and his heart were opened wide, to make room for the one who belonged there.  
  
"I love you, Kim. I never really stopped. Please come back to me."  
  
"T-tommy," she whispered. "I love you, too ."  
  
She leaned forward. He drew her towards him.  
  
Their lips met in a very gentle butterfly kiss, hardly enough to let their breaths mingle. It was enough, though, to chase away the last doubt either had. Laughing and crying at the same time, they fell into each others' arms and kissed again. And again .  
  
~*~  
  
Kat sat alone at the friends' table, looking out on the dance floor at Adam and Tanya's wedding. It had been a beautiful ceremony, and she was genuinely delighted for her best friend. Right now, however, her attention was fixed not on the radiant bride and groom, but on another couple swaying gently to the music, totally absorbed in each other. If there had been any doubt that Tommy and Kimberly were together again, the way they danced dispelled that even for the most unobservant wedding guest.  
  
The gang had been surprised, but ecstatic for them. Kim and Tommy's happiness seemed to spill over and engulf all of them.  
  
*Everybody but me.* Kat frowned; she wasn't that petty, was she? *No. Just feeling sorry for myself, I guess.*  
  
With a tiny sigh, the blonde lifted her glass in a silent salute - to what exactly, she didn't know herself - then took a small sip. She continued to watch the dancers, lost in her private thoughts and didn't notice the approach of a dark-clad figure who slid into a chair next to hers. She started as a large hand came to rest on her fingers. Tearing her eyes away from the oblivious Kim and Tommy, she met the compassionate dark eyes of his best friend.  
  
"Are you okay?" Jason asked warmly, his concern touching.  
  
Kat lowered her head momentarily, but found a small smile when she looked back up.  
  
"Yes. Truly, I am," she confirmed when he raised a skeptical eyebrow.  
  
"Are you sure? You seemed kinda sad right now."  
  
Her smile vanished, and a faint blush tinged her porcelain cheeks pink. Kat sighed once more.  
  
"I . I guess I am - a little, anyway," she admitted. Before Jason could comment, she went on. "Don't get me wrong; I'm very glad for Tommy. And for Kim, too; they deserve to be happy again after what they went through. But . seeing them back together, I can't help remembering that I used to be very much in love with Tommy myself at one time."  
  
Jason pondered that for a minute. "And now you want him back?" he queried, his deep voice carefully neutral. To his surprise, Kat's smile reappeared, stronger now.  
  
"Not really. What he and I shared has run its course, and I'm okay with that. Have been for a long time, actually."  
  
"Then why the sad face?" he teased gently.  
  
Kat thought it over; why was she feeling so sentimental all of a sudden, remembering all the dreams she had spun once about her and Tommy's future? The answer came to her gradually.  
  
"Well . it's just, watching them, the way they can't seem to stop touching, how they sneak kisses when they think we won't notice . I can't help wish that I had that, too."  
  
Her companion was puzzled. "I don't understand; you just said you didn't want Tommy back."  
  
"And I don't." Searching for the right words, Kat took another swallow of her drink, to gain some time. "It's . it's more like, I wish I had what they have, you know? Someone to hold me, to dance with me like Tommy dances with Kim right now." She paused before whispering, "someone to be so in love with ."  
  
"Oh." Understanding dawned, and the midnight eyes grew wistful for an instant. Jason had been single for quite a while now himself. But the expression was fleeting; soon, a hint of laughter lit them up again. "Then you're not jealous? Not even a teensy-tiny bit?"  
  
Katherine laughed a little. It surprised her that sharing her feelings like this with Jason was so easy - and managed to lighten her mood. *He's such a good friend,* she thought gratefully.  
  
*Handsome, too.*  
  
The thought appeared out of nowhere, and startled the Australian. She'd never thought about her one-time teammate in quite this way before. But it felt . nice, somehow. Shaking herself mentally, she resumed their conversation.  
  
"Jealous . no. But - can I admit to feeling just a bit . mm . envious, maybe?" she asked, wondering silently why Jason's opinion should suddenly matter so much.  
  
He eyed her judiciously, and she had to fight a grin at his exaggerated mien.  
  
"I guess," he drawled, then spoiled the effect by winking at her. "But just because it's you, mind," he added.  
  
Both chuckled, then the broad-shouldered young man adroitly changed the subject to something completely different.  
  
"Say, I keep meaning to ask you - I know you used to be a diver, but did you ever do any scuba diving?"  
  
Taken aback by the non sequitur, Kat stuttered a little.  
  
"I . y-yes, I . no, not scuba diving," she finally collected her wits again. "I used to go snorkeling a little, back home in Australia."  
  
"Great," Jason said. "Um, did you ever go out to the Great Barrier Reef?" It was a diver's paradise, just off the Australian coast, and it was his dream to go there one day.  
  
Kat laughed knowingly. "No. Too little time, really. But I've been to other places ." Soon, the two of them were engrossed in a discussion about the things they'd seen underwater, in various places around the world. They were both well-travelled, after all, and found that they had shared many experiences during the past few years.  
  
On the dance floor, Kimberly nudged Tommy and pointed out their friends to him.  
  
"Kat and Jason seem to enjoy each other's company," she smiled.  
  
He sent a glance towards the blond and dark heads huddled close together, their faces bright and animated as they laughed about something Jason had said.  
  
"Yeah. That's great." But Tommy's mind for once wasn't concerned about his friends at all. Not that he didn't care about Kat and Jason, it just was that he much preferred to concentrate on the petite reality in his arms. He stole a quick kiss, and succeeded in diverting Kim's attention back on him.  
  
"Mmm. Don't stop," she purred.  
  
"I don't plan to," he murmured, and started maneuvering them towards a secluded corner. Kim followed his lead willingy, eyes full of love.  
  
~*~  
  
It was the weekend after the Parks' wedding, and Kim was waiting for Tommy to pick her up for dinner. She'd taken special pains with her appearance, wearing a flirty sundress in pink patterns that left her shoulders bare and showed a good deal of leg.  
  
*Just the way he likes it,* she thought with a private smile as she checked her hair and makeup one last time. Then her doorbell rang, and Kim hurried to the buzzer. She got her reward for the effort she'd made when Tommy whistled appreciatively at the sight of her.  
  
"Wow."  
  
Laughing delightedly, she whirled around once. "You like?" she asked, just a touch coyly.  
  
"Mmm." Tommy caught her to him, and his kiss told Kim exactly how much he admired her looks.  
  
Slightly breathless, not caring that she was looking somewhat mussed-up after his enthusiastic greeting, Kim reached for her tiny purse and slung the long strap cross-wise over one shoulder. Tucking her keys inside, she held out he hand invitingly. "Shall we go then? I'm famished!"  
  
"Sure, Beautiful," he smiled, and Kim's heart sang at his easy use of his old nickname for her.  
  
The two had a buffet-style dinner at a quaint Chinese restaurant, enjoying the variety of dishes on offer. They lingered over a glass of plum wine, talking about everything and nothing. There was a familiarity between them that made things go so much more smoothly than it had been the first time around as teenagers, while at the same time they were discovering changes in each other brought on by their separation, different experiences . and by simply growing up. They were adults now, free of the responsibilities of being Rangers, and both relished the maturity and freedom that offered.  
  
However, as the evening progressed, Kimberly noticed that Tommy seemed to grow increasingly distracted. Instead of pouting, like she would have done at sixteen, she bided her time, and when they took a leisurely walk through a moonlit Angel Grove Park, she seized the opportunity to gently ask about Tommy's preoccupation.  
  
"What's the matter, Tommy?" she murmured when they stopped and looked out over the lake.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Kim chuckled, to show him she wasn't angry. "You seem to be miles away. I thought you'd, like, gotten out of your habit of forgetfulness," she teased.  
  
Tommy laughed ruefully. "Yeah, well, I rather had to. In racing, forgetfulness can cost lives. That kind of cured me pretty fast."  
  
"I can imagine," she answered with a delicate shudder. "But, you're not racing now ." Her voice trailed off hopefully.  
  
"No." He smiled down on her. "I was just remembering last week," he said finally. "Tanya and Adam's wedding was really something, wasn't it?"  
  
"Uh huh," Kim remembered fondly. "Tanya looked so gorgeous in her dress . the whole affair was such a beautiful mixture of their heritages . "  
  
The doe eyes took on a dreamy expression, and that gave Tommy the courage he'd been searching for most of the evening. He draped an arm around Kim's shoulder, thrilled to notice that she snuggled instinctively into his side. Kim looked up at him then, and her lips smiled so invitingly, he just had to taste them once more. Both sighed in blissful unison as they gave themselves up to the moment.  
  
"What was it you liked especially about the wedding, though?" Kimberly asked curiously as they wandered over to a nearby bench. "I thought you hated formal affairs."  
  
"Normally I do," Tommy nodded, trying to appear nonchalant. His preoccupation had a very specific reason, and he didn't want to spoil this moment. Not after all the thought he'd given it. "But . it sorta gave me an idea," he hinted.  
  
"What kind of an idea?" Kim queried, feeling her heartbeat pick up speed.  
  
Drawing a deep, fortifying breath, Tommy took the plunge. He'd been thinking about this for days, and the longer he did that, the more certain he was that it was the right thing to do.  
  
"That . that it might not be such a bad idea if we . if you and I . oh damn," he broke off helplessly, aware that he was bungling this rather badly. He shrugged deprecatingly and ran his hand under his ponytail - a gesture Kim knew too well meant embarrassment, or agitation.  
  
"I'm going about this all wrong, and I so wanted it to be perfect," he murmured, reaching for Kim's hand and kissing the fingertips. He didn't notice that her hand was ice-cold all of a sudden.  
  
"No, Tommy," she whispered, her body all of a sudden taut with tension. He took it for suspense and encouragement.  
  
"But yes," he contradicted her lovingly. Cupping her face between both palms, he tilted it upwards. The large eyes were wide and luminous in the moonlight, and Tommy brushed a tender kiss against the quivering mouth.  
  
"Watching Tanya and Adam exchange their vows was incredible," he told her. "But at one point I realized that I wasn't really seeing them, but us up at that altar. And I knew that that's what I want, now that I have you back," Tommy continued. "Kim . I love you. I don't want to lose you ever again. And there's really only just one way to make sure that doesn't happen."  
  
With the grace of a natural athlete, he slid off the bench to kneel at Kim's feet. Drawing her hands towards him to kiss them again, he looked up into the eyes of the woman he wanted to pledge himself to.  
  
"Beautiful, will you marry me?"  
  
Kim was stunned into silence. She'd known and accepted Tommy's declaration of love, returned it wholeheartedly, but she had not counted on a marriage proposal. Her eyes filled with tears, and she smiled tremulously. Freeing her hands from his loving grasp, she traced the lean features with her fingertips as she strove to find her voice. When she could speak, her voice shook with suppressed emotion.  
  
"Oh Tommy," she sighed. "I love you so much."  
  
"Then say you'll be my wife," he urged gently.  
  
Kim started to tremble. Two big teardrops spilled over and slid down her cheeks which had lost all color. When she finally gave Tommy her answer, it was in a barely audible whisper.  
  
"No."  
  
~~***~~  
  
  
  
To Be Continued ... 


	7. Choices

All Disclaimers in Part One. Sorry for the delay, folks, but the holidays and a nasty computer virus played serious havoc with my writing schedule. Anyway, this is slowly drawing to a close; maybe two more chapters, and it will be done. ( Hope you'll like this part as much as the last one … and thanks to everybody who's given me feedback so far. It's been very much appreciated. DB  
  
  
  
Letters 2: Choices  
  
By Dagmar Buse  
  
  
  
  
  
Kimberly to Tommy  
  
"Dearest Tommy,  
  
I'm so sorry I hurt you again. Please believe me, I never meant to do that, but this time I really couldn't help it. When you asked me to marry you last night … for a second there, I was the happiest woman on Earth. I love you so much, and I'd dreamed of that moment for so long – practically from the first time you kissed me. And you did do it perfectly; so much so that I wanted to cry, it was so beautiful. Only – then I remembered why I sent you that first letter. And that's what made me say no.  
  
Tommy … I still have that letter you sent me to Florida; that last one which I never really answered. Remember that you nearly proposed then? You told me about your dreams for the future, of how you wanted to have a family with me. Seven years ago, I wanted that, too. I still do, to be honest. But the truth is, no matter how much I may want it, it's not going to happen. Not for me, anyway. Tommy, my love – have you even realized that the operation I had to have to cure the cancer made it impossible for me to ever have children? Yours, or anyone else's? They cut out my womb, Tommy. I just don't have the equipment anymore to get pregnant.  
  
I understand why you want children of your own – of your body, as they say. I think, if I were in your shoes, I'd feel the same. And I'd like nothing more than to give them to you, if I still could. Only, I can't. That's why I turned you down. I couldn't live with the thought that you'd have to give up your dreams just for me, or worse, that you would come to regret it one day to have married me when all our friends have kids and you won't because you chose me. That would kill me for sure – just as it nearly killed me to say no to you last night.  
  
My only hope now is that you can forgive me for hurting you again, and that you'll find somebody else one day who can help you fulfill that dream. And that despite this, I won't lose you. Please, if you can find it in your heart, I'd like to at least remain your friend, even if I can't marry you.  
  
Love, Kim."  
  
  
  
Jason folded the single sheet of pink stationery into the envelope and handed it back to his best friend. "Man," he muttered, knowing it was hopelessly inadequate but at a loss for anything else to say.  
  
"Yeah," Tommy sighed dejectedly.  
  
The two young men sat silently in their shared kitchen where Jason had found Tommy slumped over the table at three am, staring at a bottle of beer. It had been opened, but the level showed that Tommy had only taken a couple of swallows at most. "That's not going to help, Bro," Jason said quietly as he sank into a chair opposite his friend, trying to give what help he could by simply being there.  
  
Tommy didn't answer, just shrugged. But he let go of the brown bottle and pushed it about two inches away – enough to reassure Jason that he wouldn't seek solace in alcohol. Not that he'd really feared it, he knew Tommy better than that, but still …  
  
"Wanna talk about it?" he offered.  
  
"Not really," Tommy mumbled. "But I guess I'd better."  
  
*Well, FINALLY!* Jason couldn't help thinking. Although he was dead tired, he prepared himself for a lengthy discussion. It looked as if Tommy had learned his lesson this time around and wasn't going to withdraw into a shell of pain and wounded pride, but rather turn to his friends for help.  
  
"Let me make some tea, okay? We'll talk better with something to hold on to." Jason started busying himself setting out mugs, a teapot and their jar of herbal tea; he was not about to flood his system with caffeine at this time of night. As he waited for the water to boil, he thought back on the events of earlier in the evening, which were finally making sense now.  
  
***Flashback***  
  
Jason hadn't seen Tommy all day, but when he came home from teaching a late class at the dojo and found his best friend sitting morosely on the couch, he was shocked by his haggard appearance.  
  
"Hi. You look like Hell," he told his best friend and colleague bluntly. "What happened? Kim dump you again?" He'd only meant it as a joke; the two had been so obviously happy and in love since Kim had finally come clean about the real reason why she'd broken up with Tommy that Jason was totally unprepared for the violent flinch and wounded look Tommy gave him. Instantly worried, Jason hurried over and was about to grill Tommy on whatever had passed between him and Kimberly, when he was stopped by the doorbell.  
  
"Damn. Don't go anywhere; I'll get it."  
  
Intent on foisting off whoever was disturbing them at such an inopportune moment, Jason did NOT expect to find Kimberly in the hallway. She was pale, her eyes were red-rimmed, and she looked as bad, if not worse, than Tommy.  
  
"I-is Tommy here?" she asked in a subdued voice that shook ever so slightly. "I … I need to talk to him. If he'll see me."  
  
Wordlessly, barely able to rein in his now rampant curiosity, Jason let her in and watched her pass. Kim stopped in the doorway to the living room and waited tensely until Tommy looked up. When he did, he blanched, but rose slowly.  
  
"Kim…?" Tommy had whispered hoarsely, sudden hope in his eyes.  
  
"Tommy," she'd replied, sounding unsure and very, very weary. Jason instantly wanted to hug her, she seemed so lost, but thought Tommy might deck him if he interfered in any way now. Instead, he looked at his best friend, trying to gauge his reaction. It wasn't long in coming, and much more controlled than Jason had given him credit for – especially after having seen how genuinely upset Tommy was.  
  
"Why are you here?" Tommy even managed to keep his tone fairly neutral.  
  
"To apologize," Kim murmured, clutching her small purse to stop her fingers from trembling. "I shouldn't have run away last night."  
  
"Then why did you?" Desperation mixed with longing was audible in the light tenor.  
  
"Because I couldn't stand the thought that I'd hurt you again. I honestly didn't mean to, Tommy," she explained. "But you took me so much by surprise … I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry," Kimberly added in a tear- choked voice.  
  
Tommy considered this for a minute, then nodded tightly. "I guess I can accept that," he replied slowly. "Okay. But now? What about now," he pressed, the hopeful expression naked on his face.  
  
Jason, who had as yet no clear idea about what had happened between his friends, just a few vague suspicions, held his breath, trying to fade into the background. He sensed that this was a very crucial moment for Tommy and Kim.  
  
The petite brunette swayed slightly as she swallowed, then raised pain- filled eyes to the tall young man standing only a few feet away. It might as well have been miles. Biting her lip to keep it from quivering, Kim reached into her purse and withdrew a slim pink envelope.  
  
"I- I wrote you a letter," she whispered brokenly.  
  
She held it out to Tommy, who looked at it as if it were a snake about to strike at him with poisoned fangs.  
  
"Please, read it," she begged, a big tear rolling down one cheek. "Tommy …I only wrote it because I needed to put down what I have to tell you, so that I wouldn't forget anything, or get distracted." Kim gulped. "I … I'm not trying to blow you off with this; if you still want to talk with me after you've seen it, I'll be here. Only, I'm afraid if I tried to tell you all this, I'd start crying, and then you'll never know why I HAVE to turn you down. I don't want to," she started to sob, but controlled herself with an effort.  
  
When Tommy made no move to take the letter, Kim laid it on the coffee table.She straightened again and gazed at him with sad eyes.  
  
"Please. Just read it," she repeated. "You'll understand then." She turned slowly and walked out. Jason could see from his position against the wall that tears had begun to trickle down her pale face unhindered, and his heart went out to Kim. She was so obviously suffering … as much as the stony-faced Tommy.  
  
Just as Kim reached the hallway, Tommy jerked out of his near-paralysis and took a single step, almost as if to follow her.  
  
"Kimberly …!"  
  
She stopped, her back to him. "Y-yes?"  
  
"I love you," he said, despair clearly visible in every line of his body.  
  
Kim shuddered once, but didn't look back. "I know. I love you, too." Shoulders shaking , she left.  
  
***End Flashback***  
  
  
  
When Tommy continued to stare holes into the table top, Jason quietly replaced the barely-touched beer bottle with a mug of tea, then sat back down. He waited a few more moments for Tommy to start talking, but when that didn't happen, he placed a hand on his best friend's arm. He had a feeling Tommy needed some kind of physical comfort now, and between the two of them that had always been freely given and accepted.  
  
"So what exactly happened between you and Kim?" Jason asked softly. "I gather you proposed to her and she said no?" It was stating the obvious, but the conversation had to be started somehow.  
  
Tommy's breath caught, then he exhaled very slowly. He closed his eyes.  
  
"Yeah," he whispered at last.  
  
"I'm sorry," he murmured sincerely. After a beat, Jason decided to continue questioning his friend; it seemed as if he would be able to give answers at least. "From what she wrote, it's because she can't have children anymore …"  
  
Tommy looked up at that.  
  
"Really?" he wondered skeptically. "Is that her reason?"  
  
Puzzled, Jason stared into the brown eyes, then quickly unfolded Kim's letter once more. It was but a moment's effort to find the relevant passage. He pointed it out.  
  
"Sure. She said so, right here."  
  
Dully, Tommy gazed at the words blurring on the pink sheet. He shrugged. "Whatever."  
  
Jason felt more confused than before. Wanting to understand Tommy's reaction, he skimmed the few sentences once more.  
  
"She says that she's turned you down because you want kids of your own and she can't give them to you," he paraphrased. "What's so hard to understand about that? She does it because she doesn't want you to have to bury your dreams. Actually, come to think of it, it's a pretty noble thing to do for Kim. It can't be easy for her."  
  
That brought a response from Tommy.  
  
"Easy? Easy??? You think it's easy for me to have my heart broken by her AGAIN, when we'd only just gotten back together? How can she DO this to me?" he burst out.  
  
Jason nearly recoiled, but held on to his temper. Tommy wasn't stupid; why was it that he completely missed the point on this? *Because he loves Kim so much,* Jason realized. *It's blinding him to everything else. Well, then I've just got to make him see.*  
  
"No, I don't think that," he said with forced calm. "But Tom … right now, I think you're only seeing what this is doing to you. What about Kim, though? Do you honestly believe she wants to be doing this? To you, OR to herself? Because if that's what you think, you don't know her nearly half as well as you damn well should."  
  
The stern note in Jason's deep voice was perhaps the only thing that could make Tommy pause and start using his numbed brain again. He did so, with obvious reluctance – because he had to admit that Jason was only too right.  
  
"I … no," he mumbled, shamefacedly.  
  
"Hmph," Jason grunted, only partially mollified. He continued to think about the mess his friends were in – because it was quite obvious that both, Tommy and Kimberly, were suffering. Out of his musings, he directed another question at Tommy.  
  
"What Kim said, about you not realizing … were you aware that she can't have kids anymore?"  
  
Tommy waited for long moments before he answered.  
  
"I … I guess. When Kim told me the truth after Tanya and Adam's wedding about why she broke up with me the first time, she mentioned something, I think … but at the time, I was just so happy to hear that she still loved me, it must've kinda slipped past me," he said haltingly. "At least consciously, you know? I mean, I knew, yeah, but at the same time somehow I didn't …"  
  
A terrible suspicion began to form in Jason's mind. He could see Tommy's position, and didn't really blame him for momentarily ignoring the obvious – after all, he'd deserved his time of perfect happiness with Kim, but surely a sense of reality had come back after a while … hadn't it?  
  
"Tommy … you did tell her it doesn't matter, didn't you?"  
  
Jason groaned when Tommy only lowered his head and blushed.  
  
"Well, did you?" he asked intently, hoping against a rapidly dwindling hope.  
  
His best friend gave the tiniest of headshakes, but it was enough. Jason took several deep, calming breaths to stop him from reaching over and literally shake some sense into Tommy. How could he be so blind and not see what was right in front of his nose?  
  
"And you still went ahead and asked her to marry you? Without making yourself perfectly clear on that point? Tommy, how could you?!?"  
  
Helplessly, Tommy shrugged. "I love her," he whispered, as if that excused everything.  
  
Jason sighed. *God, what a mess. Again.*  
  
"I don't think that's enough, Tom," he said slowly. "Not in this situation. I'm sorry, but I think that you've brought this on all by yourself for once – hurting both you and Kim. You really should have thought this through before you did anything so important."  
  
"I- I guess," the other murmured reluctantly.  
  
For a while, the young men sat silently in the dark kitchen, sipping their tea and lost in their own thoughts while the sounds of the night filtered distantly through the windows. At long last, Tommy spoke up.  
  
"I really didn't think about what I'd told Kim about wanting a family; to be honest, that was about the furthest thing from my mind. All I knew was, I had her back, I was happier than I've been in a very long time, and I wanted that feeling to last … well, forever," he said. He raised a hurt look to Jason's face. "Is that so wrong?"  
  
His heart going out to his best friend, Jason summoned a smile and gripped Tommy's hand in his.  
  
"No, it's not. The two of you deserve to be happy. And I hope you know that the whole gang was very happy for you, too. But Bro … you can't have it both ways."  
  
"I know," Tommy replied miserably.  
  
Another silence settled between them until Jason asked a question that had him rather puzzled.  
  
"Why is it so important for you to have biological children, anyway? I mean, you're adopted yourself – and I've seen the relationship you have with your folks. You must know that it's way better than for a lot of 'normal' families."  
  
"Yes, but … Jase, I really can't explain it. Maybe only another adoptee can truly understand my feelings; I dunno. There's a … a hole somewhere inside of me that I don't think anything else can fill."  
  
"What about David?" Jason reminded him. "He's real family."  
  
"Not the same. Not quite. Maybe if we had grown up together it'd be different, but like it is now … we don't exactly live in the same world, if you know what I mean." Tommy was referring to his Native American heritage, of course; David was fully integrated in that culture in a way Tommy couldn't be, and frankly didn't want to be. Not because he thought it in any way inferior or worse, it was just something that didn't call to him like it called to his brother.  
  
"Yeah, I think I do," Jason admitted. "Man, this sucks."  
  
"Majorly."  
  
The two shared wry grins that were rather wan. Suddenly feeling very tired – it was the wee hours before dawn, after all – Jason suppressed a yawn as he rose from his chair and placed his mug into the sink. Turning around, he stood and contemplated his best friend, who still sat slumped over at the kitchen table, nursing a half-full cup of tepid tea. He wanted very much to find a way, some magic words to help Tommy and Kimberly, but this was a situation that only Tommy himself could resolve – one way or the other.  
  
"Tommy … I hate to tell you this, but this is a decision you'll have to make on your own. I wish I could help you more, but I can't. Do you want Kimberly, or do you want kids of your own? It's either/or. You've got to make up your mind what's ultimately more important to you, and then live with that decision."  
  
"Yeah," Tommy sighed. "I just wish it was easier."  
  
"Unfortunately, it isn't." Jason slowly went to the doorway. Just before he left the dark room, he addressed Tommy once more. There was one piece of advice he absolutely had to give him.  
  
"And Bro? Don't wait too long. It wouldn't be fair to yourself, and it definitely wouldn't be fair to Kim. She's made all the tough choices so far, placing your happiness above her own. Not just once, but twice." He waited a beat to let that sink in, then continued inexorably, knowing that it was hard for Tommy to accept, but it had to be said.  
  
"You didn't deserve to have your heart broken, my friend. But neither does Kim deserve to be kept hanging. She's waiting for your decision. Please don't make her wait too long."  
  
Tommy's shoulders shook in what could have been a silent sob, but he didn't reply. Instead, he just buried his face in his hands, a picture of abject misery. Jason wished he could do more, but knew he'd said enough for one night. Now it was up to Tommy.  
  
"If you need me, you know where to find me," he said softly. "For anything." Then he left to go to bed.  
  
Tommy stayed at the kitchen table, his thoughts whirling as chaotically as his emotions.  
  
*I love Kim. I want to marry her. But I also want children of my own. Which she can never give me. Do I love her enough to give up one dream for another?*  
  
He didn't know.  
  
Either choice would cause pain. The question was – would he hurt just Kimberly by essentially rejecting her for something that wasn't her fault, or himself by denying himself the chance to pass on a legacy that would otherwise be lost forever?  
  
Tommy sat staring into the darkness, oblivious to the new dawn slowly approaching in the distance.  
  
It was going to be a very long night.  
  
  
  
To Be Continued … 


	8. A Little Help From Friends

Note: What's sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander … or rather vice- versa. Why should Tommy get all the anguish? *evil grin* Anyway, this interlude chapter got a bit longer than expected, but the story IS progressing, I promise. Hope y'all like …DB  
  
  
  
Letters 2: A Little Help From Friends  
  
By Dagmar Buse  
  
  
  
  
  
Kat was hosting the gang's monthly dinner, in honor of Tanya and Adam's return from their honeymoon, and everybody had already assembled when Jason and Rocky showed up together straight from the dojo. As bad news can travel faster than the speed of light at times, the circle of friends was already aware of what had happened between Tommy and Kimberly. Not surprisingly, those two had chosen not to show up for once.  
  
Conversation over dinner was kept deliberately general, but as soon as the dishes were cleared away and coffee served, Tanya turned towards Jason with a worried look.  
  
"Okay, Jase – can you tell us exactly what's going on with Kim and Tommy? I was never so surprised as when Kat told me they'd broken up again."  
  
The others all turned towards Jason, who passed a hand through his short hair as he sighed. He hadn't had an easy time dealing with Tommy's rather depressive mood swings, from anger to remorse with stops at every feeling in between, over the past weeks. Not that he was unsympathetic, but there were moments when he just itched to slug his best friend, or Kimberly, or both of them. That, or lock them in a room until they'd sorted themselves out.  
  
"I don't know if you can really call it a break-up," he started. "But things are definitely going wrong for them." Briefly, he related what had happened, to sounds of shocked dismay and sympathy for both parties from everybody. "I'm at my wits' end what to do or say to Tommy. He's so completely shattered … I've never seen him quite so upset, not even when he was freed from Rita's spell, or lost his Powers for good."  
  
"Can you blame him?" Adam asked. "He just got back together with Kimberly …"  
  
Jason smiled a bit grimly. "Much as I hate to say it, yes. He really ought to have thought things through instead of just following his heart so impulsively."  
  
There were slow nods all around. "You've certainly got a point," Zack admitted. "Sometimes, it's better NOT to follow one's impulses."  
  
"At least not right away," Trini added. "I wonder what this is doing to Kim."  
  
"I wish I knew. When I called her the next day, after I'd gotten the whole story from Tommy, she wouldn't say much. Maybe it's because I'm so close to Tommy, or maybe she was still too upset or whatever, but she gave me the impression that she wasn't ready to talk about it." Jason took a pensive sip of his coffee, feeling himself gradually relax in the company of his friends. It never ceased to amaze him how having their support and unconditional understanding helped getting over the tough spots. He knew it was the same for the others, too.  
  
"At least Tommy's talking for once, not holding everything inside," he continued. "I was worried he'd crawl into a shell and not come out again for weeks after Kim had dropped off her letter. When he just grabbed the envelope and locked himself in his room for hours … good thing I heard him rummaging in the kitchen later that night."  
  
"How is he holding up, anyway?" Aisha wanted to know.  
  
"As well as can be expected," Rocky replied. "He's doing his work, he even tries to be sociable … but he's really hurting, I can tell. Heck, he even asked me for advice once – how I would act in his stead."  
  
That startled everybody; while Rocky and Tommy were good friends in most things, their relationship wasn't such that sharing of confidences came easy to either of them.  
  
"What did you tell him?" Sarah asked curiously. She was getting closer to Rocky the longer they were dating, and thoughts of marriage and children had started to appear more and more frequently of late.  
  
The usually easygoing Hispanic shrugged. "Basically, that I felt for him, but that I'm the wrong person to ask. My family on both sides is so large that nobody has to worry about passing on anything, and even the few relations who don't have kids of their own for whatever reason can get the full experience by 'borrowing' some from almost anybody for a time. Or look after the occasional orphan. It's just not a problem I'm familiar with." And deep down, Rocky was very glad about that; he might grumble about the crowd of people taking an interest in his affairs, but knew he'd miss it if he didn't have it.  
  
"Poor Tommy," Kat sighed, sympathy for her ex-boyfriend evident in her voice. "He really needs to talk to Kim."  
  
"Which he's afraid to do, I think," Jason supplied. "He fears that if he confesses his mixed feelings about the matter to her, he'll lose her for good. Because it'll confirm her worst fears about him. If that makes any sense."  
  
"It does," Tanya nodded slowly. "They're caught in a kind of vicious circle, each afraid to talk candidly about their feelings. All the while being so much in love with each other that being apart again must be killing them."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
The group was silent after that, each lost in their own thoughts about their friends' seemingly unsolveable dilemma. After a while, Tanya spoke up again.  
  
"Jason, are you sure Kim won't talk to you? I mean, if we're to help them, we really ought to hear both sides first-hand. And you were there …"  
  
"Pretty much. And to be honest, I kinda doubt that I could be completely impartial towards her; after all, I see every day up close how much this is costing Tommy. He is my best friend."  
  
"Then somebody else has to go and talk to her," Zack said blithely. He grinned a bit deprecatingly at the looks he received. "Well, we all are her friends, right?"  
  
"Yes … but who should be the one to go?" Aisha wondered. The eight young people exchanged speculative glances. Finally, Adam cleared his throat a bit awkwardly.  
  
"Erm … I'm not trying to chicken out or anything, but do you truly believe Kim would open up to any of us guys? I mean … just as Tommy's come to Jason and Rocky for advice, wouldn't Kim be more likely to turn to you ladies?"  
  
Aisha, Trini, Tanya, Kat and Sarah looked uneasily at each other. Adam certainly had a point; if they put themselves into Kimberly's shoes, they would prefer to talk to another woman rather than a man, no matter how much they liked or trusted him. But it was obvious that neither relished the prospect of being the one to confront the absent former Pink Ranger. At last, Sarah shook her head regretfully no.  
  
"You're right, Adam, it should be one of us, but … I don't think I'm the one. I've known Kim maybe the least of all, and while we're friendly enough, we're just not that close."  
  
"Same goes for me," Tanya sighed. "I'd really love to help her, especially after the way she helped my Mom, but …" her voice trailed off as she shrugged helplessly. "We just haven't had a chance to become real friends yet."  
  
Jason had instinctively turned towards Trini.  
  
"What about you? You and Kim have been best friends since grade school."  
  
The slender Asian considered for a moment, then unhappily declined. "I may have known her longest, true, but … our separation was maybe too long. I feel as if we've lost something … if we hadn't, I'm sure Kim could have told me the truth when I met her in Europe that time. That she didn't … I just don't know, Jason. I'm not really comfortable at the thought." Loyalty made her add, "I will if there's no other choice, though."  
  
"Aisha? You and Kim used to be so thick before she went to Florida," Rocky ventured. "You even lived together!"  
  
"Yes, but I feel a lot like Trini, if for slightly different reasons. My staying in Africa so unexpectedly changed our friendship. I'm still convinced I did the right thing at the time, for the animals and myself, but perhaps not for some of the people I cared about. Kim and I are still close, but I wasn't there when she needed me most, and that is bound to have an effect …"  
  
All eyes then turned to the last person at the table. Kat blushed when she felt her friends' scrutiny, squirming just a little. She did not want to do this!  
  
"Oh no," she protested, lifting her hands in a warding-off gesture. "Not me!"  
  
"There's no-one else left," Rocky said reasonably. "And why not you?"  
  
"Are you crazy? Have you forgotten how I hurt her when Rita made me steal her Power Coin?"  
  
"But you managed to shake off Rita's spell all on your own when Kim injured herself on the balance beam," Adam remembered.  
  
"And you overcame your own inhibitions about diving for Kim's sake when she was ready to give everything up," Aisha added.  
  
Agitated, Kat jumped up and walked to the window. "You can't be serious! I'm probably the very last person Kim would want to see right now! What makes you think she'll talk to me of all people?" she asked just a tad crossly. "After all, she may well think I took Tommy away from her …"  
  
"But you didn't," Tanya protested. "You and Tommy got together AFTER she'd set him free, and it's not as if you deliberately set out to replace her! I know; I was there, remember?"  
  
"Kim thinks nothing of the sort, Kat," Aisha reassured the blonde. "Besides, she trusted you enough to pass on her Powers to you. That alone should convince you she truly considers you a friend."  
  
"If you're thinking of what happened on Muranthias, that wasn't really Kim," Jason added in a low voice. The memory was still a very sore point for him – as it was for Kimberly. "Trust me, I know. That's one thing she and I did manage to talk about, afterwards. Maligore's evil just picked on our strongest emotional ties towards you guys and made us go after you and Tommy respectively."  
  
Katherine sighed, knowing it to be true. The whole group had discussed the events once they had the leisure to do so, and deep down she knew nobody was bearing any grudges. Still, it was not a pleasant prospect; at the least, she could envision the encounter to be highly embarrassing for both of them. And what if Kim refused to see her?  
  
"Please, Kat," Jason requested softly, getting up as well. He stepped up close to the Australian and reached for her hand. "One of us really should talk to Kim, and the longer I think about it, the more perfect you seem to be. After all, next to me you probably know Tommy the best …"  
  
She still refused. "It just doesn't feel right."  
  
Trini exhaled softly. This was getting nowhere, and after all, they couldn't bully Kat into meeting with her predecessor. "It's okay, I'll go," she volunteered. "Jason's right, I've known Kim the longest. And maybe it won't matter that I haven't been around to see how close they'd grown, and how it affected them when Kim sent that first letter." It was obvious that Trini was quite skeptical about this – and with good reason, too.  
  
With a half-angry, half-resigned sigh, Kat silently admitted defeat. It was nice of Trini to let her off the hook, but from what Aisha had told her, Kim and Tommy's relationship had progressed quite a lot during his time as the White Ranger – from mere High School sweethearts to young adults who were deeply in love. That was what Kat had witnessed between her friends, and what she had coveted for the longest time. Trini had not, and neither had any of the other girls. Well … Aisha perhaps, but her arguments about having been absent at that most crucial time were valid, too. * But I don't WANT to,* she thought rebelliously. She was distracted from her thoughts by Jason's deep voice.  
  
"Please?" he repeated. Kat shook her head stubbornly, unwilling to give an inch.  
  
"If you don't go, we may never be able to help Tommy and Kim," he murmured, sounding somewhat disappointed. She glared at him, feeling herself weaken.  
  
"Stop manipulating me!"  
  
Jason actually looked shocked. "Is that what we're doing? What I'm doing? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."  
  
"Neither do we, Kat," Tanya interjected. "If you truly don't feel you can, we'll just have to look for another solution." Only, there wasn't one, and they all knew it. With a gusty breath, Kat admitted defeat. After all, she'd done harder things for the sake of friendship.  
  
*If I could just remember one right now!*  
  
The dark eyes fixed so beseechingly on her tipped the scales.  
  
"Okay, I'll go," she muttered reluctantly. "But you owe me for this, Jason Scott!"  
  
"I know," Jason replied. To everyone's surprise, he lifted Kat's hand to his lips and gently kissed the back. "How does dinner at 'Le Petit Bistro' sound, with maybe some dancing afterwards?"  
  
The blue gaze softened minutely. "It's a start." But she didn't remove her fingers from Jason's grasp.  
  
Rocky's jaw dropped as he watched the little interplay, and he was on the verge of blurting out a comment, when a sharp elbow in the ribs shut him abruptly up. Tanya sent him a warning look, and he subsided, but continued to observe Jason and Kat with eagle eyes from then on until it was time to leave. Jason offered Zack and Trini a lift, and the Parks stood in the parking lot with Rocky, Aisha and Sarah until the black-and-red 4X4 had vanished down the night-calm street. Rocky turned incredulous eyes on his friends.  
  
"Did you see what I saw, or is my imagination running amuck?" he demanded to know.  
  
"If you saw Jason turning on the charm three inches thick in order to persuade Kat into doing him a personal favor by agreeing to talk to Kim, you're right," Aisha grinned. "Well, well, well!"  
  
"Jason and Kat?!?"  
  
"And why not?" Tanya demanded to know. "I think they'll be good together. Not that you couldn't have knocked me for a loop," she added. "Kat never said a word to me, the sly thing!"  
  
"I think it's rather sweet," Sarah smiled, getting an enthusiastic nod from Aisha.  
  
Adam just shook his head bemusedly as Rocky quite unconsciously slipped an arm around Sarah's shoulders. The two said their goodbyes then and wandered off. Aisha giggled as she caught a quick kiss Rocky was bestowing on his girlfriend just before turning a corner.  
  
"I think you two started an epidemic," she laughed at Tanya and Adam as she, too, took her leave. "Rocky and Sarah – if there is no engagement in the air, I'll eat my microscope. Now Jason and Kat – and of course Kim and Tommy." She sobered a little. "Let's hope Kat gets somewhere with Kim so we can get those two back together again."  
  
"Amen," Adam breathed devoutly, and on that note, they, too left for home.  
  
~*~  
  
It was two days before Kat could clear her schedule enough to make her way towards Kimberly's apartment. She still felt rather reluctant, but she had promised, and there was no sense in procrastinating. Besides, the sooner she went to see the petite brunette, the better it would be for them all. This situation concerned all of them very much – as if Kim and Tommy's renewed happiness was a guarantee that a 'happily-ever-after' indeed existed, if you only tried hard enough.  
  
She rang the doorbell with some trepidation, identified herself and went upstairs. Kim let her in with a small smile, wordlessly poured them some sparkling water and motioned Katherine to sit. The two young women, both clad nearly identical in light shorts and pink t-shirts, looked at each other over the rim of their glasses, until Kimberly let out a short, not unfriendly laugh.  
  
"So you drew the short straw?"  
  
"Yes, I- no! I mean, I didn't … they haven't …" Hopelessly flustered, Kat blushed a deep pink at being found out like this. Kimberly took pity on her friend and smiled.  
  
"It's okay, Kat; no reason to be embarrassed or anything. I was pretty sure that one of you would come by sooner or later, especially after you've all met the other day. I was also reasonably sure it wouldn't be one of the guys; Jase probably has his hands full with Tommy, and the others were rather unlikely." They shared a tiny, understanding grin at that. "I'm just a tad surprised that it's you, and not Trini," Kim added.  
  
The blonde dancer took her time answering as her cheeks gradually resumed their normal color. Unobtrusively, she'd watched for a rection in Kim as she'd mentioned Tommy's name, and found her suspicions confirmed when a slight shadow darkened the expressive eyes. *Kim looks … tired,* Kat realized, taking stock of the pallor under Kim's tan and the faint circles around her eyes. Also, her movements lacked her usual grace and vigor; there was a languidness about Kim that was very unlike her customary vivacity. *Not physically; after all, she's not training for competitions anymore. No, she's mentally tired. Exhausted, even. And she DEFINITELY looks as if she needs a friend right now.* All of a sudden, Kat felt much better about being here. Kim had been the best of friends to her once; now she finally had the chance to return the favor.  
  
"Trini did offer to come, but was a bit uncomfortable with the idea. She feels as if you've grown apart somehow during your separation," she started. Briefly, and as gently as possible, Kat outlined the discussion the friends had had two nights ago.  
  
"Kim … the main reason I'm here is to see whether you need any help, and tell you that if you do, we're there for you. All of us," she concluded.  
  
The brunette accepted the explanation with a quiet nod. "And of course you're not at all curious about why I turned Tommy down, are you?" she teased, but with an undertone of bitterness – *No. Despair, more likely,* Kat thought – that was unmistakeable if one knew what to listen for. But all she did was put on an innocent expression and say lightly,  
  
"Of course not. You know us."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
Both young women had to giggle at that, and finally relaxed. Kim refilled their glasses, and curled up on the couch, tucking her legs under her as Kat sat comfortably crosslegged in the armchair.  
  
"So … what do you want to know?" Kim asked at last, realizing that she couldn't stave off the conversation any longer. Kat chuckled.  
  
"How about everything?" she suggested after a brief hesitation. "Tommy gave Jason your letter to read, so we know the bare facts, but … if you can, I'd still like to hear from yourself what you were thinking."  
  
Kim grimaced wryly. "You don't ask much, do you?"  
  
"Only for whatever you want to share, Kim. You're our … you're my friend, and I'd like to help you if I can. You and Tommy. And maybe you need to vent just this once, to someone who knows Tommy only like someone who's loved him like you do … don't you?" Kat said softly.  
  
At the gentle words, Kim's hard-fought-for composure finally crumbled. Her large eyes filled with tears, and she seemed to wilt right before Kat's eyes as the first sob tore free from her throat.  
  
"Oh God, Kat," she moaned, and the taller girl was up and beside her in an instant, hugging her friend comfortingly as she cried and related her story, her thoughts and feelings. It wasn't much different from what Kim had told Tommy in her letter, but for the first time Kim shared her feelings of inadequacy as a woman, of her sense of loss at the thought of being unable to bear children to the man she loved with a sympathetic friend. Kat listened with a heavy heart, on the one hand pleased and honored that Kim would trust her this much, but on the other very much disappointed that there really was very little she – or any of their friends – could do to help. As Jason had postulated, this was something that Tommy had to decide on his own. All the cards were dealt; it was up to him to play or fold.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Kim," Kat whispered when the other girl had calmed somewhat. "I wish there was something I could do."  
  
"You can't," Kim gulped, wiping her reddened eyes and sniffled. "Nobody can."  
  
Desperate to hold out at least some hope, Kat sought a smile that came out rather wan. "Maybe Tommy will decide for you, after all. Perhaps he just needs time to come to terms with the idea …"  
  
Kim shook her head rather violently. "But that's exactly it," she exclaimed, gripping Kat's hand in her agitation. "I don't WANT him to come to terms – I want him to be happy, to have all his dreams fulfilled." More subduedly, she continued, "If Tommy has to make such a sacrifice for me, then all I've done was in vain."  
  
"Maybe so. But Kim … so far, you have made all the choices. Yours, and for Tommy. He's a part of this too, an adult who has the right to be consulted. You'll have to let him decide for himself, even if it's not what you would've wanted his choice to be," Kat admonished her friend, unconsciously echoing and amending Jason's words to Tommy. "It's all very nice of you, wanting to spare him, but life isn't like that. Sometimes one has to give up one thing for another."  
  
"B-but what if he chooses me and then regrets it, later?" Kim asked, torn between despair and a sliver of hope. "What if he leaves me then?"  
  
"Tommy would never do that," Kat declared emphatically. "Kim, I can understand why you're afraid of this, but have a little trust in Tommy! You know him better than that!" She looked sternly at the petite young woman. "Don't you?"  
  
"I-I guess," Kim whispered, a cautious light brightening her tear-dulled eyes. She bit her lower lip in indecision. "So … what do you think I should do?" she sighed, weary from her emotional storm.  
  
Katherine patted her shoulder encouragingly.  
  
"Something very hard, I'm afraid," she answered. At Kim's questioning look, she explained. "You should do nothing at all. Wait. It's up to Tommy now. He has to make a very important decision, and you'll have to give him all the time he needs."  
  
"That's not going to be easy," Kim pouted.  
  
"I never said it was. But surely it can't be much harder than letting him go in the first place – or turning down his proposal?" The blonde suppressed a sly smile; she knew Kimberly well enough to see how this roused her spirit. Like all the Rangers, male or female, Kim couldn't resist a good challenge.  
  
"Do I have to?" Kim grumbled peevishly, suddenly impatient at the thought of being unable to do something, anything, to speed up the process.  
  
"Yes. Now go blow your nose and wash your face," Kat ordered mock- sternly, mimicking her mother's tone to perfection. Kim looked startled for a second, then had to laugh despite herself.  
  
"Yes, Ma'am!"  
  
  
  
To Be Continued … 


	9. The End ... Or The Beginning?

Note: Sometimes, losing net access for a few days does wonders for one's creativity. The time you find for other things … like writing … *shakes head* Anyway, thanks again, everybody, for commenting so nicely and encouraging me. This was supposed to be finished about 30 pages ago … shows you what I know. ( But I'm nearly done … hopefully, I managed to make sense out of what I *wanted* to express. Be so kind and tell me if I succeded?DB  
  
  
  
1 Letters 2: The End … Or The Beginning?  
  
1.1 By Dagmar Buse  
  
  
  
"Well?"  
  
Kat didn't pretend not to understand when Jason all but pounced on her when she arrived at the Red Dragon dojo after hours. It was the day after her heart-to-heart talk with Kimberly, and she'd come to report. *NOT because I want to see Jason again. Not at all. No way.*  
  
"Kim's doing as well as can be expected," she sighed, entering Jason's office and closing the door behind her. She perched on the desk where he was dealing with the day's paperwork. "From what I could see and you've told me, about as well as Tommy."  
  
Jason groaned and covered his eyes. "That bad, huh?"  
  
"What did you think? That Kim's all relieved and happy about the situation?!?" the blonde asked indignantly. "Newsflash – she's NOT!"  
  
"No, of course not," Jason hastened to reassure her. He tiredly rubbed his temples; the day at the dojo had been beset with one minor disaster after the other, and he was beginning to develop one doozy of a headache. "I just thought … oh hell, I don't know what I thought. I guess I was just hoping that somehow, something would happen that would make everybody's problems disappear like that for once." He snapped his fingers.  
  
"Sorry," Kat said with genuine compassion, reading his body language quite accurately now and realizing that her friend had had a very trying day. "But as that's hardly likely –"  
  
"Try impossible," he interjected drily.  
  
"Quite. Anyway, we can only do what I told Kim," she murmured, getting up and stepping behind the muscular young man, starting to massage his neck and scalp gently until she could feel him relax. Softly, she related the gist of her conversation with Kim, the observations she'd made and the conclusions she'd drawn. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world, as Kat had to balance giving an account that was both truthful, concise … and didn't betray any confidences Kim had shared in good faith.  
  
"Mmm. Don't stop," Jason moaned gratefully, listening intently while revelling in the massage. "What else did you tell her?"  
  
"Basically, sit tight and wait for Tommy to make up his mind," she answered quietly, her fingertips soothing stress and burgeoning pain away. "Just like you told him to do."  
  
Jason grimaced and gently disengaged himself from Kat's wonderful ministrations. He was getting ideas that very definitely were premature … if exceedingly pleasant. To cover his sudden excitement, he poured some cool fruit juice from a thermos jug on a filing cabinet. Handing a glass to Kat, he started prowling around the room and took a long drink. "In other words, we'll still be waiting next century," he groused, knowing how long his best friend sometimes took for decisions of a personal nature – rather in contrast to his leadership abilities, where he'd been perfectly capable of acting quickly and determinedly.  
  
"Oh come on, Tommy's not that bad," Kat protested loyally, but had to grin at Jason's look, which clearly asked 'wanna bet?'. "Well, maybe he is," she conceded with a twinkle and dove into her own glass, to hide her involuntary amusement. She still loved Tommy dearly as a friend, but she was not blind to his faults. As was Jason.  
  
"No maybe about it. But you're right, it's out of our hands now. Let's just hope that we can deal with the fallout, whatever Tommy decides to do."  
  
"Amen," the dancer muttered, and didn't object when Jason drew her against his broad chest in a comforting embrace.  
  
~*~  
  
"I wish I knew what do do," Tommy moaned as he was visiting his parents. He'd had to listen to a lot of well-meaning advice from his friends, most notably Kat and Jason, but he was no nearer to a solution to his conundrum than he'd been after Kimberly had brought by her second letter. Katherine had tried her best to make him understand Kim's reasoning, but instead of helping him see his way it only compounded the issue.  
  
"How can I help Kim deal with her feelings if I can't even sort out my own?" he asked plaintively. "I mean, I love her, but I also want a family …"  
  
Beth Oliver tugged at his ponytail, not quite playfully, as she passed behind him with a tray full of sandwiches.  
  
"Ow!" Tommy jerked out of his mother's reach. "What was that for?!?" The chocolate eyes looked both hurt and bewildered. This was the kind of gentle punishment Beth used to mete out when he was being more than commonly dense.  
  
"You could always adopt later, you know," she said with a mild rebuke that brought an embarrassed flush to Tommy's face. "After all, I happen to believe that both you and we didn't do too badly in that regard."  
  
Tommy apologized mutely with a sheepish grin and a quick squeeze of the hand nearest to him.  
  
"I know. Sorry. But …" he shrugged, feeling helpless and unable to explain. "It just doesn't feel the same, somehow."  
  
Jeff Oliver drank deeply of his coffee. When his mug was half-empty, he leaned forward, selected a sandwich and bit into it. Chewing and swallowing his mouthful thoughtfully, he fixed his tall son with a somber gaze.  
  
"I'm afraid we can't help you with this, Tommy," he said finally. "I'm honored and grateful that you love and trust us enough to share your problem with us, but this is a decision that you'll have to make all by yourself."  
  
"That's what Jason says, too," Tommy sighed dejectedly. Deep down, he now realized, he'd harbored a remnant of the childish belief that Mom and Dad could make everything allright. That hope, it seemed, had been in vain.  
  
"Jason has a very good sense of what's right, of when to interfere and when not to," Beth murmured. "I've always liked that in him."  
  
"He's a good friend to you," Jeff nodded.  
  
"The best. I doubt I could've gotten through this again if he hadn't been there for me," Tommy agreed emphatically. "The rest of the gang is great, too, but Jase – he's something else. Always has been."  
  
The Olivers lapsed into silence as they ate; all three of them had formed close ties in Angel Grove since they'd moved there after several years of 'wandering' due to Jeffrey's job requirements at the time. Not the least of those friendships had grown with the families of Tommy's friends. When at last the platter of food was empty and fresh coffee brewed and served, Tommy regarded his parents rather solemnly, an unasked question clearly hovering on the tip of his tongue. However, he wouldn't ask, even though it was obvious he wanted to. Finally, Beth took pity on her son.  
  
"What is it, Tommy? You obviously haven't come here just to avoid having to fix your own dinner," she asked, a hint of teasing in her pleasant contralto voice.  
  
He started and actually looked a bit guilty. "How'd you know?" he fumbled. Beth smiled in a way only mothers can.  
  
"Honey, I've known you since you were a baby just starting to toddle. Give me some credit for maternal instinct, even though I may not have actually born you." She was surprised as Tommy's countenance turned rather grave.  
  
"That's exactly it," he said softly.  
  
"What is?" Beth queried, puzzled.  
  
"About me being not your biological child. I mean, I know you love me and everything, and I couldn't wish for better parents, but these last few days, when I thought about Kim and me … I couldn't help wondering how you felt when you found out you couldn't have kids." Tommy sent an apologetic glance towards his parents. "I'm not trying to pry if you'd rather not talk about it, but I'd really like to know."  
  
The elder Olivers exchanged a long look, both having grown a bit pale. Jeff slowly rose from his comfortable slouch into a hunched-over sitting position and Beth abandoned her armchair to sit beside her husband, reaching for his hands. Tommy was beginning to squirm; it was quite apparent he'd hit a pretty sore spot. Hastily, he tried to backtrack.  
  
"I'm sorry, Mom, I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable," he muttered.  
  
"About what?" Beth's voice was calm, but with an underlying tremor.  
  
Tommy blushed, flustered. "About you being … well, barren."  
  
Jeffrey's head jerked up and he visibly tensed. Beth touched him reassuringly, and when he gazed at her for a small eternity, she finally nodded minutely. Tommy could sense that something undefinable passed between his parents at that moment, something that concerned him, somehow, and his pulse quickened a little. "Mom? Dad?"  
  
Jeffrey Oliver breathed deeply, shuddered briefly and grasped his wife's hand firmly.  
  
"But that's just it, Tommy," he said bravely at last. "Your mother isn't barren." He swallowed hard. "In fact, there's nothing wrong with her at all. Everything has always functioned as it should. You see … the reason we had to adopt is because I'm sterile."  
  
That was a revelation Tommy hadn't expected at all, and he felt stunned. Incredulously, he stared at his mother who returned his look openly – and maybe with a touch of defiance, daring him to make any disparaging comment. After overcoming his first shock, Tommy knew much better.  
  
"I had no idea," he whispered finally. "I always just assumed it was Mom who …"  
  
"A lot of people do when a couple is childless, and not by choice," Beth said matter-of-factly. "Another one of the lovely gender stereotypes society is still riddled with." Both Oliver men grinned fleetingly at her dry tone; Beth was very opinionated about this issue. With good reason, they usually had to admit. "To be honest, it was my first reaction, too, at the time. So, when I didn't get pregnant after trying for a while, I went to my doctor. She did all the tests, but couldn't find any reason why no method worked."  
  
Jeff Oliver took up the tale. "So, I went in for some testing myself. It wasn't easy, let me tell you; the procedure is pretty embarrassing for a guy. And the questions … you get to tell the most intimate things to a virtual stranger."  
  
Tommy blushed against his will; he'd read and heard about the necessary methods for fertility tests, and to think of his father locked up in a cubicle with girlie magazines and a specimen jar – *NO! I'm NOT gonna think about that!* He snuck a peek at Jeff, and found him rather red-faced, too, but with a deprecating grin, as if he knew exactly what the younger man was imagining. He winked, and Tommy had to grin, sharing a moment of rare adult understanding with his dad.  
  
"Anyway, turned out I truly was sterile; I'd contracted mumps my second year at college, but I never thought much about it. Actually, at the time it was more embarrassing than anything else – I mean, I was an adult, with a children's disease?!? I'd never have visited my friend whose baby sister had mumps if I'd known then about the possible consequences … but I didn't, and your mother was having to pay for it."  
  
Even after thirty years, there was still an echo of remorse and bitterness in Mr. Oliver's voice. Beth kissed his cheek comfortingly.  
  
"It wasn't your fault, dear," she murmured with a loving smile, which was gratefully returned by Jeff.  
  
Tommy was loathe to break the tender moment, but he needed to know …  
  
"What did you do, Dad?" he asked intently, as if the answer held the key to his own problem.  
  
Jeff laughed shortly. "I offered your mother a divorce, if she wanted it," he said quietly. "I wasn't going to stand in her way if she felt that she couldn't live with being childless because of me."  
  
Tommy reeled back as if struck. *That's what Kim did!* Only, Kimberly hadn't offered him a choice; she'd acted. Not once, but twice.  
  
"Mom?" he asked hoarsely.  
  
Beth had turned pale. Her hazel eyes held distant shadows as she met Tommy's urgent gaze, but her hand was clasped firmly in Jeff's as she answered the unspoken question.  
  
"I- I'm still ashamed to admit that for a few days, I actually considered taking your Dad up on his offer," she said very softly. "I wasn't dealing with the situation very well, you know. All my friends were having babies, and I shouldn't? I knew no-one was to blame, but I felt so … so cheated, somehow …" Her voice trailed off as she relived those pain- filled days.  
  
The Olivers were silent for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts, then Tommy couldn't contain his curiosity any longer.  
  
"What made you change your mind?" he queried. "After all, you obviously didn't divorce Dad …"  
  
Beth smiled mistily at the memory. "I remembered something," she said. "Something I'd almost forgotten."  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"The promise I made to your father on our wedding day. 'In good days and bad; in sickness and health …' I realized that I'd married your Dad because I loved him – the person he was, not what he could or could not give me. I used to think that that meant only worldly things – you know, money, a big house, social standing. Only now I knew it also meant things I'd just taken for granted."  
  
"Children of your own," Tommy whispered, suddenly feeling closer to his parents than he had for a very long time.  
  
"Yes. I went back to him right away, and we got through the disappointment together. Then, we found you to adopt, and the rest, as they say, is history." Both senior Olivers shared a smile of pure love and understanding – a glimpse into their relationship that Tommy had rarely seen before, but felt privileged to share.  
  
There was much, much more to the story, and Tommy asked eager questions that were answered freely throughout the evening. When it was time for him to leave, he hugged both his mother and father with genuine feeling.  
  
"Thanks for telling me," he murmured. "You've given me a lot to think about."  
  
"As long as it helps you, son," Jeff Oliver replied. Beth just nodded, and the older couple stood arm in arm as they watched him drive away to his own home. It was a picture that stayed with Tommy for the longest time.  
  
~*~  
  
When he let himself into the apartment, he found Jason sprawled in his armchair, reading and listening to some quiet music, an instrumental piece that Tommy couldn't identify but found rather relaxing. His best friend looked up from his book.  
  
"Hi," he greeted Tommy. "How are your folks?"  
  
"Okay," Tommy answered, settling himself on the couch. He didn't exactly want to tell Jason everything his parents had revealed – some things were too private, even for best friends – but felt compelled to share at least some of his thoughts. "We … we had a talk. A good one," he added.  
  
Instantly interested, Jason sat up. Putting a bookmark into his book, he gave Tommy his full attention.  
  
"About what? You and Kim?"  
  
"N-no. Not exactly," Tommy hesitated. How much could he reveal to Jason? "Mostly about how they came to adopt me." Which was true enough. Only not the whole truth. Would Jason be satisfied with the answer, though?  
  
He wasn't; he knew Tommy well enough to sense that a lot more had happened tonight. However, he was too polite and considerate to pry. *This is NOT the time to press for details.*  
  
"I see," was all Jason would say. "Did it help?"  
  
Tommy's small grin conceded that Jason had judged the main topic of conversation correctly. "Some," he sighed. "At least I've got tons of stuff to think about. As if I hadn't had enough already," he groused.  
  
"Well, get on with it already," Jason admonished Tommy. The slightly hurt look he got in return made him chuckle. "Well, you are taking your sweet time about making up your mind!"  
  
"You think it's easy?" Tommy complained. "This is different from deciding whether to buy a red or a green shirt, you know!"  
  
"Yes, I do," Jason contritely replied. "Sorry."  
  
"'S okay," came the listless reply. "Man, I wish I knew someone who could give me a definite answer – a solution, y'know? Someone who'd just tell me 'Do this' or 'do that' and it'd be the right way."  
  
"I don't think there is a right way," Jason said thoughtfully. "There'll always be shades of grey … maybe the best you can hope for is to find the way that'll hurt the least for everybody."  
  
"Yeah. But I still wish there was a person who could really relate to my problem."  
  
"Your family can't?"  
  
"To a degree. But Mom and Dad were already married when they found out. Their situation was different."  
  
It didn't seem all that different to Jason, but he held his peace. He wasn't about to argue that with Tommy again. No, he was getting at something else.  
  
"What about the rest of your family?"  
  
Tommy shook his head no. "Uncle John never wanted kids, and I'm not close enough to Mom's cousins or Dad's brother to ask them about stuff like this. They never really approved of them having adopted me in the first place." He grimaced at some memories of his more distant relatives' attitudes.  
  
"I didn't mean them," Jason sighed at Tommy's obtuseness. "I meant YOUR family."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"David and Sam, idiot! Your brother and great-uncle!"  
  
To his credit, Tommy looked thunderstruck and vaguely ashamed. "I- oh." He mentally kicked himself. Here he was, bemoaning the possible loss of a hypothetical biological family, when he had blood relatives to consult!  
  
"I am an idiot!"  
  
"Duh, Bro," Jason grinned, then wisely absented himself as fast as possible, leaving Tommy behind to sputter indignantly at this latest show of friendly support.  
  
~*~  
  
Sam Trueheart sat half-concealed in his favorite chair, content to stay unnoticed as he watched his foster-son's brother explain his dilemma haltingly but steadily. He had never met the young woman Tommy cared so deeply about, but even so the wise old man could tell how much the separation affected the young man.  
  
David heard his brother out with few questions, then lapsed into a thoughtful silence as he absorbed everything he'd just learned. Sam had taught him not to make snap judgements, but to consider carefully every piece of advice he might want to give – be it solicited or unsolicited. Finally, he cleared his throat.  
  
"Tommy … I wish I could help you, but I'm afraid I can't, either. I've always known that every child born to the Tribe is as much my child as it is its parents'; it's the way things are – here. Nobody needs to feel deprived of a family because we all are family. Not always a happy one," he smiled, forestalling a possible comment, "or even a very quiet one. We do have our share of problems; who doesn't? But, I have my place in this family whether I ever add to it or not. As do you, if you should care to accept it," David added quietly. He'd come to terms with the fact that his and Tommy's way of life often diverged, due to their different upbringing, but he needed to remind his brother of that once more.  
  
"Thanks, that means a lot," Tommy said. "But, it's not what I want. I want Kim, and I want kids. I know I'm probably very selfish, but I just can't help myself. I mean, having real relatives is great, and I appreciate it more than I can say. Meeting you and Sam was one of the best things I could've wished for. It's more than I ever thought I'd have, too, but it's not what I always thought of when I imagined my family, you know?"  
  
He shrugged, at a loss to explain himself any better. David gripped his shoulder consolingly, as helpless to offer advice as Tommy felt.  
  
"I guess," David murmured dubiously, wondering if he would ever understand completely the culture outside his tribe, which put so much emphasis on individuals instead of the community. Before he could try to formulate another reply, however, Sam spoke up from the shadows near the door.  
  
"Tommy … what is family?"  
  
"Er … what?" He frowned, puzzled by the non sequitur.  
  
The old shaman moved closer, looking intently at the young man.  
  
"What is family?" he repeated. Something about his tone told Tommy this wasn't an idle question, but rather a significant one. He took his time answering, knowing that Sam had the patience to wait until he was ready.  
  
"Family is … parents, kids. Brothers, sisters, uncles … the whole relative bit," he fumbled at last.  
  
"True. But is that all?"  
  
Tommy looked baffled. "What more is there?"  
  
If Sam had been the type, he'd have huffed impatiently. Instead, he just gave Tommy a look which made the former Ranger blush and squirm.  
  
"Let me rephrase the question, then. What makes a family?"  
  
Seeing that Tommy still didn't understand, Sam Trueheart patiently elaborated. "You have mentioned parents, siblings – everybody who might be connected to you by blood. Call it genetics, if you will. But is that enough to really make a family out of a group of people thrown together by mere biology?" He gave 'family' the same inflection that Tommy had used towards David a few minutes ago, and was rewarded with a light dawning in Tommy's eyes.  
  
"Nnooo, I don't think so," Tommy replied slowly. He could feel that he was on the trail of a very important discovery. "If it were, there wouldn't be any abusive parents, or kids neglecting their kin."  
  
"Go on," Sam nodded approvingly. David leaned back in his chair, seeing what his foster father was getting at. Sam usually had a way to make a person face the intangible. He hid a smile. He'd had a hard time himself when he'd learned he had a younger brother living elsewhere and why that was necessary, but said brother was being even more thick-headed than David had been. For all his accomplishments, Tommy could be so blind to the truly important things in life! Because he only stared at Sam, obviously confused. The older man sighed a little, but nudged him into the direction he wanted.  
  
"What, then, is the element turning these biological groups into families?"  
  
It was so obvious, Tommy hesitated to name it. But as he couldn't find an alternative, he finally drew a deep breath and just said it.  
  
"Love. A family is made by love." As he uttered the word, he knew it in his bones to be true. Otherwise, his parents wouldn't have chosen him as their son, nor could he feel so comfortable and safe in their company, even as an adult.  
  
"Exactly," Sam approved. "But there is still more."  
  
"There is?" The brown eyes mirrored sudden interest. This promised to explain something Tommy so far had sensed only vaguely, but could never verbalize.  
  
"But of course," the shaman smiled, in that wise and knowing way he had. "A true family bond is always three-fold. You have already identified two – the Bond of Blood, and the Bond of the Heart. Can you name the last one?"  
  
Tommy racked his brain, but to no avail. "No," he had to confess.  
  
"How strange, when you have experienced it for years, and in an intensity and depth I have rarely found elsewhere," Sam said enigmatically.  
  
"I … I have?!?"  
  
"Sure," David said softly. "Even I recognized it, when we found each other." There was no envy in his voice, rather a quiet rejoicing for his brother's good fortune.  
  
Tommy was totally confused. What was it David and Sam had seen in his life, which people had they met who could qualify as 'family'? He had a feeling the answer was just out of his reach, that he really should know it, but for the life of him he couldn't find it.  
  
"I don't get it," he admitted at last. "What bond, and with whom?"  
  
Sam Trueheart sighed. How blind the young could be!  
  
"It is maybe the most important bond of all, because it transcends all boundaries – of blood, of race, of culture or of gender. Once you have formed that bond with someone, you will never be alone. In some cases, it can even make up for the lack of the other two." His voice became very solemn. "It is the Bond of Spirit – the one thing that truly links one Human being to another."  
  
Sam's words echoed in Tommy's mind as he thought about them, letting them sink into his very heart and soul. He had a Bond of Spirit? With whom? But almost immediately, images began to form before his mental eye.  
  
*Kat. We share experiences like no-one else – having been evil once. Rocky, Adam and Aisha. Questing for the Power not once, but twice at my side. Trini and Zack. Having to leave the team. Billy. Forming a friendship that will last a lifetime, through separation and despite having NOTHING in common – or so we used to think. Tanya. Being the last to join a team that has been through so much already. Jason. My brother as much as David, if not more so – both by his choice and mine.*  
  
And lastly, the most precious of all.  
  
*Kimberly. The girl I loved from the first time I laid eyes on her. Who stood by me even though she had no reason to – when I'd disappointed her, hurt her, her friends … who had her Powers stolen by Rita and Zedd, regained them and lastly gave them up to a friend. Kim, who has shared so many of my dreams…and willingly gave up her own to preserve mine.*  
  
At long last, Tommy understood. Made the leap from intellectual acceptance to bone-deep knowledge what it was that had prompted Kim to act as she had. How great a sacrifice she'd made for his sake. That he owed it to her to match that generosity of Spirit – either by accepting her wholeheartedly, without any reservation, or set her free without conditions. Finally, the former Ranger took the burden of Choice onto himself. Neither his friends, nor his family could do more than advise and offer support – which they'd done in abundance.  
  
Now, it was up to him – as it had always been.  
  
*My choice. MINE.*  
  
And perversely, that realization set him free as nothing else had.  
  
"I see," he whispered, awed and stunned by the epiphany he'd just experienced. "I really see."  
  
Satisfied that it was so, Sam nodded.  
  
~*~  
  
"What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" Kim asked with some trepidation as she met Tommy in Angel Grove Park the next weekend. "You sounded so serious over the phone."  
  
She feared very much that she knew all too well what Tommy wanted to tell her. His chocolate-brown eyes looked so somber; surely it meant that he was going to break up with her permanently. He'd reject her, if very gently, because she could no longer be what he wanted or needed in a wife. Well, it was nothing less than what she'd expected, but oh, it hurt so much! Despite everything, there had been one last shred of hope tucked away in the deepest corner of her heart that had refused to die, that had kept praying for a happy ending … the petite young woman was so upset and lost in regrets for what might have been, she never noticed where Tommy was leading her as they walked slowly around the lake – into a much less populated corner of the park.  
  
Tommy had chosen their destination deliberately, having walked with Kim here once before – on a day that had changed his life, both in a negative and in a positive way. On that day over eight years ago, trying to screw up his courage to ask his friend on a first date, he couldn't have been more nervous than he was now when he was working up to discussing something equally important for their future. It seemed strangely appropriate that Kim would ask him the same question she had so long ago, using virtually the same words. However, it didn't look as if she was aware of the fact.  
  
*Doesn't matter. Hopefully, today will go differently, anyway.*  
  
After all, Goldar and the Putties were no more, destroyed forever by Zordon's sacrifice. Chasing away the sorrow that particular memory always evoked, Tommy concentrated on the woman beside him, her more sophisticated look of today overlaying the pigtails and baby-doll dress of yore.  
  
"Yeah," Tommy said only, barely refraining from wringing his hands as he'd done at sixteen. "It is serious."  
  
Next to him, Kimberly tensed and closed her eyes as she continued to put one foot in front of the other mechanically, waiting for the blow. She vowed to herself she was not going to cry. Not now, where Tommy could see. That would come later.  
  
"Yes?" she managed to whisper. To her surprise, Tommy drew her to sit on a nearby boulder, taking her hands in his as he waited for her to look at him. When she couldn't, he smiled a bit ruefully, then launched into his explanation.  
  
"Kim … first of all, I have to apologize for having waited so long to make a decision," he said softly.  
  
"It's okay," she murmured. "You had every right."  
  
"Not if it hurt you," he contradicted gently. Before Kim could protest, he laid a fingertip across her lips, shushing her. "Sshh. I know the waiting must've practically killed you. But that's not all."  
  
Mutely, Kim stole a glance at him. He gave her a small smile.  
  
"Kim … it took a while, and a lot of advice from our friends, my family – never mind the lectures I've had from Jase and Kat – for me to truly understand what you did by breaking up with me, and why you did it. I mean, I understood here –" he touched his temple, "but I needed to get it here, too." His hand came to rest briefly over his heart. "Now I do."  
  
Kimberly had a rather wobbly smile for him. That was far more than she'd hoped for. "Then … you're not angry at me?"  
  
"Angry?" Tommy exclaimed. "No!"  
  
A bit of the tension left Kim's posture. "D-does that mean we c-can at least stay friends?" she whispered timidly.  
  
Tommy nodded earnestly. "We'll always be friends," he promised. "No matter what."  
  
"Th-thank you." So the sky hadn't darkened completely. That was something, at least. But Tommy wasn't finished yet.  
  
"Kim … these past couple of weeks, I've been thinking a lot about the past. About how we met, how we got together … how it was without you. And how it felt to have found you again." He quirked a tiny grin. "You've probably guessed that I talked with a lot of folks," he admitted, blushing slightly. He'd wondered at himself because it went pretty much against his more usual loner ways. But for once, the need to open up couldn't be denied.  
  
"Kat told me you went to Jason, and even Rocky," she nodded. "I don't mind, if it helped you."  
  
*I just wish I'd have been as brave when I needed help …* But that was water under the bridge.  
  
"Yeah. I also had rather intense talks with my Mom and Dad, David and Sam … actually, as good as it was to have Jase around, speaking to my family helped more. I learned things from them … things that made sense out of a lot of things going on in my mind."  
  
"That's good," Kim commented when Tommy paused reflectively, wondering where this was leading. She found out as he continued.  
  
"All of this has really been about family," Tommy mused, as much to himself as to Kim. "The one I have and don't have, the one I dreamed of … and of course about you and me, about what kind of family we could possibly have, given your condition and all. No, don't look like that," he admonished when she blanched. "I didn't mean it the way it sounded. You're not to blame for any of this. I know I'm doing this badly, but Kim … will you please hear me out? I need to explain, or at least try."  
  
"S-sure," she hiccuped, torn between wanting to flee from the inevitable and wanting to stay with him every moment he let her. Tommy looked his thanks, then visibly gathered his thoughts.  
  
"As I said, I did a lot of talking lately. And by doing that, I learned a lot of things – about myself, about what I really want – and mostly about what family really means. Rocky, and Jase most of all, showed me that there's no shame in asking for help from people who care about you. I learned from my parents that a relationship can survive almost anything as long as there's love. And Sam and David … they made me see that family isn't just what you're given at birth, but also who and what you choose it to be. Kim, my parents chose me for their son when they adopted me. You and the rest of the guys … you became my family through friendship and support, and because we had a common purpose."  
  
"Yes, but that still leaves you without children if …" Kimberly couldn't go on; she just couldn't bring herself to refer to 'marriage' even in the most roundabout way, for fear of breaking down. It was her dearest wish to be Tommy's wife, but even as she was genuinely glad that he had gained so many valuable insights, it still didn't solve their problem – her inability to give him the biological family he so deserved. Tommy's fine words and noble sentiments … all they managed to do was cut her heart to shreds, no matter how gently they were spoken. The longer he took, the more she was afraid that he was leading up to a breakoff, would tell her a final 'good- bye'; she was in a dreadful state of suspense, waiting for the axe to fall. *If he HAS to dump me – and how can he do anything else? No matter how nice he's trying to be about it – can't he at least get it over with?* She lowered her head, to conceal the suspicious dampness in her eyes.  
  
Tommy reached out and tilted Kim's face up until she had no choice but to look at him. His eyes did hold a trace of regret, but they were warm, loving even … and that confused the petite brunette.  
  
"Kim – don't you know where we are? Don't you remember what happened here?"  
  
"Huh?" Dazedly, Kimberly looked around. The lake was to the right of the path they'd come along, on the other side the area sloped down … she had a sudden flash of memory, of being nearly flung against the piece of rock they were sitting on by a Putty, and her morpher skittering just out of her reach. She'd been unable to help when Tommy, hair shorter and dressed in green, was being teleported away by more of Rita's minions.  
  
"This … this is where Goldar kidnapped you to steal your Powers," she realized slowly. "When Rita used the Green Candle."  
  
"Uh huh. And all because I was trying to ask you on a date. Remember?" Tommy reminded her with another small smile.  
  
"You did afterwards," Kim sighed forlornly. The memory of that moment was still one of the sweetest she had. "After we couldn't help you, and you lost the Green Ranger Powers."  
  
Tommy once more grasped her hands in his. His voice was intent, and made Kim look at him in surprise and wonder.  
  
"You did help me," he contradicted her. "You, and Jase, and the others … you did everything you could. It wasn't your fault that it turned out not to be enough for once. The candle did burn down, and I had to give my Coin to Jason. That was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do until then – well, except maybe for facing you after Jase broke Rita's spell over me. You did save my life, though. And I'll always be grateful for that, at least."  
  
"Still … you lost such an important part of your life that day, when you had to give up your Powers," Kim mourned. "I didn't understand then how terrible it must've been for you; I only did later, when Kat had taken my Coin, and when I had to leave the team to go to Florida."  
  
"That's one experience we now share," Tommy said solemnly. "But Kim … it's taken me this long to see clearly how important you were in helping me cope. Not just that first time, but every time I lost something." He drew a deep breath. Now he was coming to the most important thing he'd learned through recent events. Hopefully, she'd understand.  
  
"Kimberly, I've asked to meet you here, in this place, for a reason. Here is where my Powers were taken from me the first time. It was incredibly hard, yes, and it hurt a lot, too. But I got something in return – something that was just as important." He paused.  
  
Kim hardly dared breathe. The things Tommy was talking about – they were among the fondest memories they both shared. Surely he wouldn't be so cruel as to remind her of those sweet days when their romance was just beginning if he was planning to send her packing? But how could he be doing anything else?!?  
  
"W-what's that?" she asked, so softly Tommy nearly didn't hear.  
  
"I gained you," he murmured, slipping an arm around her shoulder and hugging her close. He could feel her trembling, and buried his face briefly in the soft caramel locks. "Kim, when you told me you missed me … the way you looked at me … even though I was no longer a Ranger … that gave me the courage to ask you out."  
  
"You kissed me first," Kim whispered wistfully, caught up in the memory, wishing he would do so again. *Just one more time … please, God?*  
  
"Yeah," Tommy replied, remembering, wishing he dared do so again. But there were more things that had to be said first. *Please, God – make her understand that this is what I want!*  
  
"Kim … if it hadn't been for you, for your love and support, I doubt I could've stood the loss of my Powers. I hurt so much, but you were always there, helping me, cheering me up – insisting on sharing my pain. Every time it happened. Twice with the Green Powers, then when Rito destroyed the Thunderzords … you were there, holding me up, sharing my pain and loss. And by doing so, by simply being there for me, unconditionally, you made it bearable. Without you at my side, without your love, I really don't know if I could have gone on. And I don't think I can ever make up to you for it." Tommy sighed, letting another kind of pain flood him, then deliberately dammed it up as he looked deeply into the doe eyes gazing up at him so compassionately. Time to choose once and for all.  
  
"I want children. No, don't look away," he urged once more when Kim paled and would have averted her eyes. "I know you can't give them to me because of the cancer. And that hurts – more than I ever thought possible. But Kim – it would've hurt lots more if I'd lost you forever – to death, or to another guy. I know now that I can stand any pain as long as you're there with me to share it."  
  
Was it possible? Could Tommy really mean what he was saying? Kim longed to believe with all her heart, but if he did … what had she done by leaving him? Didn't that mean that all the pain they both had gone through because of her decision was in vain?  
  
"But what about your dreams, Tommy?" she choked. "All I ever wanted was to make your dreams come true. And now that I can't … that's why I left you! I love you too much to see you give them up!"  
  
"I know that now," he said warmly. "But I also know this – I've come full circle, Kim. Yes, I'll be giving up something that's been very important to me. You're right about that much. But I realized that my dreams mean nothing to me if you're not a part of them. I can't have both, so I'll have to choose what's more important." His voice dropped very low. "That's you, Beautiful. I love you. I never stopped. I never will. You're the only woman I ever imagined having a family with. And if you're willing, we can build one together. Maybe not the one we imagined, but a family still. You and me, and what relatives we have – and our friends."  
  
It was the hardest choice Tommy ever had to make. And now he had, it hadn't been hard at all.  
  
"But- but what about Kat?" Kimberly asked, not yet daring to believe what she was hearing. Her heart beat a mile a minute, and she felt dizzy with excitement and confusion. "You dated her longer than you did me …"  
  
Tommy coughed, slightly embarrassed. "In all the time with Kat, I never once imagined having kids with her. The one fantasy I had of being married to her involved grandkids who looked like me, not like her."  
  
"Oh …" She really shouldn't feel so ridiculously pleased by that admission, but she couldn't help it.  
  
"So, what do you say? Do you think you could help me deal with my choice?" Tommy asked. "Because this is it, you know."  
  
Kimberly was trembling like a leaf by now. Her heart shouted 'yes, yes!', while her mind still tried to cope with such a complete reversal of her worst fears, and urged caution.  
  
"What if you'll regret it one day? Choosing me over children?" she wanted to know, not yet trusting her good fortune. He didn't dismiss her concern, but answered honestly.  
  
"I expect there'll be plenty of regrets in the future. Just thinking about everybody eventually having kids and knowing that it's not going to happen for us, ever, hurts like Hell." Kim's tears, held in check so firmly so long began to flow then, tracing silver tracks down her pale cheeks. Tommy wiped them away with unsteady fingers, his voice rough with emotion. "I could never regret loving you, though. That's why I choose you," he murmured, praying with all his might that she would believe him.  
  
"Oh Tommy," Kim wept, "I never meant for you to have to make that choice!"  
  
"I know. Instead you did it for me – for us. But I had to, anyway." He held her close, soothing her wordlessly. Then, he gently disengaged himself from Kim's clinging arms and cupped her wet face between his palms.  
  
"Pain shared is pain halved, Kim. You taught me that a long time ago; I only forgot. It's going to be difficult for you, too, because I know how much you love kids. But I'd like to help you cope with it – if you're willing to help me. Do you think you can do that? For the rest of our lives? Together?"  
  
A shy smile blossomed through the tears.  
  
"I-if you're sure," she whispered, succumbing to her own most secret desire.  
  
"As sure as I can be," Tommy replied, and sealed his commitment with a kiss as sweet and tender as the first they'd ever shared. When their lips finally parted, he looked into the moist, shining eyes of the woman he loved more than anything in the world. Mutely, because he was unable to speak for fear of saying something wrong at this pivotal moment, Tommy reached into his pocket and drew out a red velvet jeweller's box. Kim gasped in delight as he opened it and she saw the narrow band with three diamonds set close together. The significance wasn't lost on her – one lustrous stone for each time they found each other. Tommy's eyes asked silent permission, and she was unable to resist. At her tiny nod he slipped the ring over Kim's finger. It was a perfect fit.  
  
"I've wanted to do that for a long time," he said, repeating his words from long ago. Kim laughed softly, remembering also.  
  
"Me, too," she sniffled, happiness welling up inside of her and nearly taking her breath away. Where had all the fear and desperation gone? They had disappeared, to be replaced by a feeling of serenity she hadn't known in ages. The diamonds winked at her, shooting glittering sparks in the sunlight as she moved her hand to admire the exquisite ring. She felt as if similar fireworks were setting off within her, illuminating the hereto dark corners of her soul with their rainbow brightness.  
  
"Now that that's over with, the next thing should be a piece of cake," Tommy said then, his expression happier than Kim had seen in a long time – not even when they had reconciled a few scant weeks ago. Because now the chocolate depths held a peace she'd rarely noticed before.  
  
"Oh? What's that?" she dimpled up at her tall companion. The first time they'd had this conversation, Tommy had asked her to the dance … his smile was as loving as it had been then, but the look accompanying it was far more serious. She began to shake again, her pulse throbbing.  
  
"Kimberly … will you be my wife?"  
  
There was no way she could tease him as she'd done then. Not when her heart was singing and threatened to burst with happiness. Instead, Kim reached up and touched the lean cheek with her small hand in a gesture that somehow was more of a promise than the most passionate kiss. Her voice was the barest whisper as she accepted Tommy's choice and his right to make it, feeling both sorrow for what they had lost and a deep, pervading peace for what they were gaining in the fulfillment of their love.  
  
"Yes."  
  
~~***~~  
  
  
  
  
  
To Be Continued In An Epilogue … 


	10. Epilogue

Last one, people … thanks for the ride and staying with me! I had fun on this, not the least because you all kept me going. ( Feedback, as always, is appreciated … DB  
  
  
  
Letters 2: Epilogue  
  
By Dagmar Buse  
  
  
  
Tommy and Kimberly to their friends  
  
"You are cordially invited to attend the Wedding of  
  
Kimberly Anne Hart  
  
And  
  
Thomas Grant Oliver  
  
At 5o'clock pm  
  
On New Year's Eve 20..  
  
At St. Magdalen's Church, Angel Grove."  
  
  
  
"That's the last one," Kim said relievedly and wrote the address with a flourish. She handed the white envelope to Tommy, her handwriting looking neat in red ink even though her fingers had started to cramp about fifteen minutes ago. He accepted the green-marbled rectangle, peeled off the last stamp, grimacing when the gumming left his fingertips sticky, and smacked it in place with a satisfying thud.  
  
"Great! Then let's mail them right away – I can do with a walk after sitting still for so long."  
  
What a great idea! Eagerly, the young woman nodded and jumped up.  
  
"Yes, let's!"  
  
With a happy smile, Kim put the stack of wedding invitations into a minuscule backpack that rode low over her shapely rear. Following her out onto the street, Tommy rather enjoyed the view. Hand in hand, the engaged couple marched off towards Angel Grove Park; there was a mail box near the picnic area. The weather was nice – sunny, but not too warm, a perfect late October day to take a stroll through the familiar area.  
  
By ones, twos and fours, the envelopes clunked into the blue container, and Tommy grinned at Kimberly when they were done.  
  
"Well, that's that. No turning back now," he teased.  
  
"Would you want to?"  
  
He shook his head. "Nah. If it had been completely up to me, you know we would've done this much sooner." There was no sting in his voice, and Kimberly twinkled up at him merrily – while sticking out her tongue in a very unladylike manner. Tommy had to laugh.  
  
"Come on, let's go," he invited, meaning to take Kim's hand again, but was stopped short when a small person suddenly careened into his legs from behind.  
  
"What the ….!" He exclaimed, turning. A little girl, barely two years old, sat on her diapered bottom right at his feet, staring up at him with big black eyes under a crop of curly hair caught up with bright purple bows. Her chocolate-brown skin was smeared liberally with what looked like strawberry icecream, and a chubby fist still clutched a now-empty cone. A pink blob had barely missed Tommy's pants, and was now slowly melting on the warm asphalt. Clearly, the tot was undecided whether to grin or to cry. Before either Tommy or Kimberly could react, though, the baby's mother ran up.  
  
"Are you okay, honey?" she asked her daughter, who nodded. Her tears never materialized, now that she felt safe. Then the young woman gazed up at Tommy. "I'm sorry Leesha bumped into you," she apologized. "But she ran off before I could stop her while my husband was putting the stroller into the car …"  
  
"It's allright," Tommy reassured the woman who was maybe a couple of years or so younger than Kim. "Nobody got hurt. Not even my pants." He smiled at the baby, who hid her face in her mother's hair … but couldn't resist a peek at the tall man. Tommy winked, and was rewarded with a gap- toothed shy grin. Getting another smile and thankyou from Leesha's mother, he watched them cross the parking lot to a somewhat battered old compact car, where a man hugged both his wife and daughter before hustling them into the car.  
  
Tommy heaved a silent sigh, then looked down at Kimberly, who stood motionless beside him, her eyes switching back and forth between the young family and her fiancé. She had paled slightly, even if her face was calm and composed.  
  
"Cute kid," Tommy said finally, his voice carefully neutral.  
  
"Yeah," Kimberly agreed, just as quietly.  
  
Then, their eyes met – full of sorrow, regret, love and acceptance. This was what they would be missing out on, and they couldn't help but feel the loss every time a small event like this reminded them of it. But, in the year or so since they had become engaged, Kim had learned not to apologize any more … while Tommy had learned not to hide his lingering grief every time he saw a young family. Their deep feelings for each other helped them cope with their shared pain, and brought them ever closer. Together, as they had promised each other.  
  
Finally, Tommy found a smile that chased away the slight melancholy in the depths of his eyes. He held out his hand, which the petite brunette grasped without hesitation.  
  
"Let's take that walk, shall we?"  
  
"Uh huh." Kim smiled back, basking in the easy affection she'd missed so much throughout their separation. Her expression became positively radiant when Tommy pulled her towards him and dropped a brief kiss on her lips.  
  
Hand in hand, they wandered off towards the duck pond, where their relationship had begun not once, but twice.  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
"This'll be the perfect place to put up a tree next year, Kim," Aisha declared, pointing to a corner of the living room in the house they were putting in order. It was three days before the wedding, and the group of friends was helping Kimberly and Tommy move their belongings.  
  
"Yes," the bride agreed. "My Mom's been collecting ornaments for me for years, and I can't wait to use them." She opened another box and took out her assortment of framed photographs, starting to arrange them on a sideboard. The shadow flitting over her face as she added a recent addition, of her brother with his wife and new baby, was unmistakeable. But it vanished almost instantly when Trini, who noticed, gave her a warm hug. "It's okay," she sighed and reached for the next frame.  
  
"It shouldn't be," Kat murmured to Tanya. "Not when there are people out there having more kids than they know what to with, and people like Kim and Tommy can't have any at all."  
  
"Yeah." The two shared a frustrated glance, then continued to sort books into a wooden cabinet. Outside, a passel of children raced past, their enthusiastic shouts telling of fun and freedom. All her friends saw Kim wince slightly, then paste a determinedly bright smile on her face as she returned to her task. It didn't hold for long.  
  
"Kim, do you think it was wise to move into a street with lots of young families?" Sarah asked as tactfully as possible. She and Rocky had gotten married that summer, and were saving up to buy a house just like the one Kim and Tommy were moving into. The young woman couldn't help thinking that they were causing each other unnecessary pain by their decision.  
  
The friends were silent for a minute, during which they could hear the grunting and good-natured taunts from the second floor where the men were wrestling the heavier pieces of furniture into place. A loud thump, an 'OOF!' from what was unmistakeably Zack, and the heartless laughter of the others that followed brought a small grin to Kimberly's too-serious face.  
  
"Not wise, maybe, but necessary," she said at last.  
  
"Necessary? How?" Tanya wanted to know.  
  
"Well … Tommy and I aren't really cut out to live in an adults-only condo, or some other Yuppie place. We don't want to have to apologize to the neighbors every time you guys will bring however many kids you produce eventually." She winked at Tanya and Sarah, and Kat who, thinking herself unobserved, was once again admiring the ring Jason had given her for Christmas, only a few days ago. The blonde caught the look, blushed and laughed – Kim hadn't behaved much differently a little over a year ago when she'd been newly engaged. With a teasing, understanding glance, Kim continued. "Besides, we've made up our minds that we're going to be the best honorary aunt and uncle you all could wish for," she stated bravely.  
  
"You will be, I'm sure of it," Aisha staunchly declared.  
  
"Who knows, maybe one day you'll find a baby to adopt, too, just as Tommy's folks found him," Kat suggested.  
  
"Yeah. Maybe," the petite brunette murmured.  
  
"Haven't you ever considered going to a fertility clinic? It's not only men who donate sperm; Tommy could still sire children, with another woman's help …" Trini's voice trailed off as Kim shook her head, sadly but decidedly.  
  
"No. We talked about it once, but Tommy said that he doesn't want kids with anyone but me." There was resignation, but also a lot of gratitude and pride in Kimberly's expression. "When he said that … I thought I couldn't love him more than I already did. I was wrong." Kim brushed a stray tear from her eyes at the tender memory.  
  
Trini embraced her childhood friend once more. They all felt for their friends.  
  
"I know I've said it before, but I really wish there was something I could do," she whispered. "You two are so great with kids … it's a shame."  
  
"Unfortunately there isn't," Tanya interjected, hugging Kimberly as well. "After all, it's not as if someone else could have children for you."  
  
Suddenly there was a loud clang. Aisha had let a brass candlestick she was polishing drop to the floor, where it rolled clattering around. The doctor of veterinary medicine looked as if she'd been thunderstruck.  
  
"Aisha? What's the matter?" Sarah asked, bending to pick up the candlestick. "You look as if you've been hit by a truck."  
  
"Or Zack's charm," Kat murmured under her breath with a dry glance upstairs, referring to the fact that recently the first Black Ranger had developed an intense interest in the second Yellow Ranger.  
  
She succeeded in provoking a fit of giggles from everybody. Even Aisha smiled through her blush. *Darn it, I thought nobody had noticed …!* But her eyes shone excitedly as she turned to Tanya and Kim.  
  
"You said it, girlfriend," she declared, pointing emphatically at Tanya.  
  
"I said what?" Tanya frowned. Aisha didn't seem to hear her, all her attention focussed on Kim.  
  
"I can't believe I didn't see it before," she castigated herself. "There's the solution to your problem right in front of us, it's been around for ages, I'm dealing with it several times a year at the clinic, and I never made the connection!" She smacked her forehead theatrically. "How could I miss something so obvious?!?"  
  
"What connection?" Kat wondered. The other young women exchanged puzzled glances; neither had any idea what Aisha was getting at.  
  
"What you just said – about another woman having children for Kim and Tommy."  
  
Trini felt as if a whole chandelier had suddenly lit up her brain. "Of course!" she exclaimed, busily extrapolating mentally on Aisha's brainstorm. "Kim – when you had your operation, they didn't remove your ovaries, did they?"  
  
"Er, no," Kim stuttered, thoroughly mystified. "The doctor said that by leaving them in, I wouldn't have to cope with premature menopause symptoms, osteoporosis and stuff. Why?"  
  
"Don't you see? If your ovaries are still working, you're not sterile, and if Tommy isn't either, you could try for in vitro fertilization – have a lab do the actual insemination, then implant the fetus into a host mother!"  
  
Aisha nodded, fairly dancing with excitement.  
  
"Exactly! They would still be your children – yours, and Tommy's – the only thing you wouldn't do is carrying the baby to term and giving birth!"  
  
Kimberly started to tremble with a veritable jumble of emotions. Fear, hope, excitement … she was running the full gamut in a matter of seconds. She blindly reached for Trini's hand, needing desperately to hold on to somebody or she'd collapse.  
  
*Oh my God … is it possible? Can Tommy have at least one child? Can I be a mother after all, when I believed for years it was never going to happen?* It was almost too much to take in.  
  
Her eyes were huge in her face, and fierce blushes chased ghastly pallor as she tried to compose herself. That was what Tommy saw when he peeped through the door on the way from the kitchen where he'd gone to collect drinks for the guys. His errand forgotten, he unceremoniously dumped the six-pack of cold sodas onto the nearest surface and rushed up to his fiancée.  
  
"Kim! Beautiful, what's wrong?" he asked urgently as she clung to him and sobbed once into his chest. "What happened?" he demanded to know, fixing the other women with a near-frantic glance.  
  
"Tommy … oh, Tommy!" Her slender frame shook as she struggled for coherency. To suddenly find a ray of hope where before there was none … it was almost too much to bear. "Aisha … she said … no, Trini did … I … oh my God," she wept, holding on to him for dear life.  
  
Puzzled, Tommy glanced at Aisha and Trini, who looked both somewhat guilty over having upset their friend, and yet subtly excited for having found a possible solution to their friends' dilemma. "What did you say to Kim to make her cry?" he asked, somewhat mollified now that he could see no- one had intentionally hurt his love. His arms tightened protectively around Kimberly.  
  
The two former Yellow Rangers exchanged a look, then Aisha, as the medical 'expert', drew a deep breath. "Tommy … we didn't mean to stir up things, honestly we didn't … but we heard some kids outside and got to talking …"  
  
"What Aisha means to say," Trini interrupted with a gentle smile, "is that maybe – just maybe – there is a way for the two of you to have your own family after all."  
  
Tommy blanched as well, and it took all his training not to sway with the force of the emotions hitting him at gut level. His throat went dry as dust all at once, and he had to swallow several times before he managed to speak. Even so, his normally pleasant tenor voice was rough.  
  
"…what …?" he rasped.  
  
Briefly, Aisha outlined her train of thought, corroborated by Trini while the others listened intently. Even the men, who had filed in one by one when Tommy didn't return and lured by the sudden silence from downstairs, heard them out in respectful silence while they tried to remember their biology. None of them was all that scientifically minded, after all – that had always been Billy's domain. They looked at each other.  
  
"Man … I never thought of that," Rocky murmured in an aside to Jason, whose dark eyes shone with affection and hope for his friends. "A host mother! Wow."  
  
Inwardly, Jason had to second the sentiment. "Me neither, but still …!"  
  
"Yeah," Adam agreed, his trademark smile quirking his mouth, while Zack just nodded. His admiration of Aisha rose another notch.  
  
*Not only pretty, but brains, too!*  
  
"I'm not saying that it's going to work," Trini cautioned at the end of their recitation. "In fact, I'm not at all sure if it's even possible, but …"  
  
"But it's more than we had before," Kim whispered hoarsely, looking beseechingly up at Tommy.  
  
"Oh Tommy, if there's just a tiny chance I could give you your own baby, I'll take it, no matter WHAT I have to go through!"  
  
Dazedly, Tommy shook his head. This was almost too much to take in. But deep inside, something he'd believed he'd buried forever cautiously rose from the ashes.  
  
"Yeah," he muttered, feeling rather stunned and not daring to hope. Not yet. Instead, while his friends waited for his reaction, he tried to focus on a practical aspect.  
  
"But … but where would we find someone to do this for us? I mean, how can we be sure this woman won't run off with our baby, if we succeed in doing this at all?"  
  
Kim deflated a little bit as her eyes clouded over.  
  
"It would take an awful lot of trust," she whispered, fresh tears welling up. Where would they search for such a person? Would they ever find one?  
  
Behind her, Trini sucked in her breath. Could she do this? Even for someone as dear to her as Kimberly? *You said you wanted to help Kim and Tommy any way you can. This IS a way. Are you going to chicken out now?* Her inner voice commented. The lithe Asian squared her shoulders. Trini Kwan had never gone back on her word – nor was she a coward. She stepped forward and touched Kim's shoulder.  
  
"Would you trust me that much?" she asked softly, her almond eyes luminous.  
  
The couple gasped in mingled shock and joy.  
  
"Trini, we couldn't …" Tommy tried to decline, but his heart clearly wasn't in it. Trini just raised a finely-drawn eyebrow, daring him to deny his deepest wish, and smiled when he was unable to bring himself to do so. Kim wordlessly reached for her hand, squeezing it for all she was worth.  
  
"Oh Trini," she choked. "You're such a good friend …!"  
  
The young woman blinked back her own tears. "Our friendship is solid as a rock, remember?"  
  
Kim nodded, her lips wobbling around a small grin as she recalled the spell Zedd had put her under once, making her a first-class brat.  
  
Kat exchanged a long look with Jason, asking silently 'do you mind?'. He started to smile slowly and nodded his assent, awed at his fiancée's generosity of spirit. He knew it wasn't just for Kimberly's sake that she offered this, but also because it was one last thing she could do for Tommy. Once more, he realized exactly why he'd fallen in love with the blonde Australian.  
  
"Or me?" Kat joined Trini, looking between her former love and her friend. "I'd be willing, too, provided I'm suitable."  
  
"Yes," Aisha declared firmly, only to find Tanya right at her side. Adam beamed with pride at his wife's dedication to their friends, and Rocky didn't need to search out Sarah's gentle eyes as she disengaged herself from his arms to join the circle of women. She was a part of this special group now, too.  
  
"It seems you have enough volunteers," Sarah smiled mistily. "If you want me, count me in!"  
  
"Do I want you!" Kim finally let go of Tommy and tried to hug all her friends at once. "Oh you guys … if you could only know how much this means to me!"  
  
"I think we can make quite a good guess," Jason said, offering his own brotherly hug to Tommy, who still seemed somewhat dazed by this unexpected turn of events. His deep voice sounded decidedly husky as he went on. "Let's just hope that Aisha and Trini's idea works!"  
  
"Amen!" Zack exclaimed, then jumped up from his perch on the back of an armchair. "I'd say this calls for a good-luck toast – whaddaya think, guys?"  
  
"Definitely," Rocky grinned, feeling more elated than he had in a long time for his friends' sake. "And I seem to remember a magnum bottle of champagne in the 'fridge that just begs to be opened!"  
  
"You fetch the bubbly, I'll get the glasses," Adam said, thinking that there were only so many places the women could have stowed the stemware. Sooner or later, he'd find them. Somewhere.  
  
In a matter of minutes, the twelve gathered in a circle, a still weepy but hopeful Kim and a rather bemused Tommy in the center. Glasses were raised and clinked against each other, giving out a musical tinkle that sounded merry and optimistic.  
  
"To Kim and Tommy," Jason said solemnly.  
  
"To the family they hope to have." Kat's accented voice was warm and understanding.  
  
"And Aisha and Trini," Zack was quick to add, giving credit where credit was due as he sent an openly admiring glance towards Aisha. She blushed, pleased. "May their idea be successful!" He got several approving 'hear, hears' for his toast.  
  
"Shouldn't that rather be to the passel of little Olivers-to-be?" Rocky suggested impishly, but was immediately shushed by several of the others. This wasn't a joking matter, especially not for Kim and Tommy. "Okay, okay, sorry – I don't wanna jinx it!"  
  
Kimberly raised her glass to her lips, but didn't take a sip right away. Instead, she looked earnestly at everybody.  
  
"To the best friends we can ever hope to find," she murmured. "Even if this doesn't work out … just to know what you're willing to do for us …"  
  
"Uh huh," Tommy agreed. "To friendship. And …" he hesitated only for a second, but there was no other word to describe what permeated the room right now and united them all. "And love."  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
It was a warm, typical California spring day as the group of friends assembled in the waiting room of Doctor Hennessy, Assistant Director of the Stone County Fertility Clinic. The big, hearty Irishman strode into his office, a pile of manila folders under his arm and greeted them all with a friendly smile. In his long practice, this was the first time that he'd seen such support among his patients.  
  
"Well, the test results are in," he boomed, singling out the six women with his frank gaze. "I have some good news, and some bad news." Seamus Hennessy leaned back in his leather chair, picking up the top folder. "First, the good. Mr and Mrs Oliver … you're in luck. You, sir, are fully fertile, and as for you –" he winked at Kim, who could hardly breathe with suspense, "I think we can manage to scare up a few healthy ova. Now, assuming that in-vitro fertilization is successful – and I have to warn you, sometimes it will NOT work, for no reason we can determine – and if we find a suitable host, we can indeed implant an embryo into her."  
  
A sound that was halfway between a cry and a sob escaped Kimberly's throat, and she turned blindly towards Tommy, who caught her up in a crushing embrace. The two clung to each other, overcome with emotion, as the rest of the group swarmed around them, exchanging hugs and congratulations. Seamus let them take their time; it was moments like these which made his work worthwhile. The only times better were when a healthy baby was delivered to parents who'd given up hope before. But even overwhelming joy had to subside at one point, and as soon as everybody had calmed down again, the physician reached for the next folder. He smiled at a radiant if teary-eyed Kimberly before opening it, though.  
  
"Mind, we will only find out if a baby can be carried to term when we actually do it; this is no guarantee there won't be miscarriages or other unforeseeable accidents."  
  
She nodded. "I know. But … this is a chance we'd given up on. Just to know it's possible … at least we will have tried."  
  
"Yes," Tommy agreed. "I mean, we won't ever know if Kim would've been able to have a baby naturally at all if it hadn't been for the cancer," he said seriously. "We looked up all the problems and talked about how we'd feel if … well, if something went wrong anyway. But as Kimberly said – we'll have tried. If it's still not meant to be, we can deal with it. Together." He shared a long, loving glance with his wife of four months and took her small hand in his. Then, Tommy turned back towards Dr. Hennessy.  
  
"But … you said you had bad news, too?" *God, I hope he didn't find anything else wrong with Kim, or me, or any of the girls!*  
  
"Ah yes," the big man said and opened the second folder. The friends waited with bated breath as his eyes swept the room, coming finally to rest on Sarah. "Mrs. DeSantos," he sighed a little.  
  
Sarah and Rocky paled slightly, and Rocky draped a protective arm around her shoulders. "Y-yes?"  
  
"Mrs. DeSantos … I'm sorry, but I won't admit you as a candidate to be host mother for your friend."  
  
"Why not?" Sarah whispered, her dark eyes wide and slightly frightened. "I-is something wrong with me?"  
  
"Not wrong exactly. But the blood tests … I'd strongly suggest you see a specialist about this, it's not my area of expertise, but it looks as if you have a light case of diabetes. Nothing to be overly concerned about; in my opinion some medication will take care of it. You probably have had some symptoms for a while, but they may have been so light, you dismissed them as normal fatigue and whatnot. However, a pregnancy …" he shook his head dubiously. "I'd advise against it. At least when your own DNA isn't involved. I'm sorry, but the risk to both you and the fetus would be more than I'm comfortable with."  
  
"Does that mean we can't have children, either?" Rocky asked through stiff lips. It was one thing to talk about it in the abstract, but now …  
  
But Dr Hennessy shook his head reassuringly. "No, that's not what I meant. You just have to monitor a possible pregnancy much closer than usual, and my advice would be to limit yourself to one or two children at most. But to have another couple's embryo implanted – that's out of the question. I won't put endangering your health on my conscience. I'm sorry," he repeated.  
  
But Sarah had calmed down again already. Her gentle, practical nature accepted the limitations imposed on her by this revelation with admirable calm and aplomb. Rocky and she could still have a family – small perhaps, but a family nonetheless. And she wasn't suffering from any dangerous or fatal illness, gracias a Dios. Diabetes she could live with.  
  
"I understand. And I'll make an appointment with my doctor right away," she promised. Then she looked at the couple sitting next to them.  
  
"I'm sorry, Kimberly …"  
  
The pink-clad young woman gave her a hug. "No need to apologize, Sarah. I truly appreciate that you agreed to be tested at all, and I'd never want to harm you in any way."  
  
Hennessy cleared his throat. He liked this group of people, but his time WAS limited; they could have their love-fest after he'd delivered the rest of his news. The sound had the effect of calling the friends to order almost immediately, and he grinned to himself. All he displayed outwardly was a fatherly smile, however, as he reached for the next chart.  
  
"Mrs. Park."  
  
Adam stiffened in alarm. There was bad news for his Tanya?!? Sensing his disquiet, Tanya slid her fingers into his hand, offering comfort to Adam even as she desperately wanted, no needed to be reassured she was okay. Not quite holding her breath, she didn't say a word, but just tilted her head questioningly at the doctor, who understood.  
  
"I'm afraid you're ineligible, too," he announced, and Adam flinched, his imagination providing all kinds of horror scenarios right away.  
  
"What's wrong with Tanya?" he managed to ask, his voice little more than a squeak. Rocky let go of Sarah and moved towards his oldest friend in support, and Aisha patted his knee while trying to give Tanya a reassuring smile.  
  
The big medic barely hid a broad grin. This was a part of his job he definitely liked!  
  
"Nothing that won't clear up on its own within the next seven to eight months," he said, letting his grin spread as he watched the apprehensive faces before him. He'd eat his stethoscope if this bunch wouldn't be as excited for their friends' fate as if he'd just magically restored Kim Oliver's womb.  
  
"Mrs. Park – you can't act as host mother for your friend because you already are pregnant. It's early stages yet, but …" whatever he wanted to say was drowned in the happy pandemonium that broke out in his office, with the women cooing over Tanya and the men congratulating Adam as the two kissed blissfully, for once unconcerned about having an audience.  
  
*Looks like my 'scope is safe.*  
  
"Oh Tanya, I'm soooo happy for you," Kimberly gushed, genuinely glad for her friends. Not even in her darkest hour, when she'd thought parenthood would be forever out of her reach, had she begrudged any of the others such a possibility. Neither had Tommy, who was congratulating Adam as heartily as the rest.  
  
"Thanks, Kim," Tanya beamed, her eyes shining. "I'm just so-"  
  
"Don't you dare say you're sorry, 'cause I know you're not!" Kimberly interrupted her firmly. "I love you for wanting to help Tommy and me, but just as it's not Sarah's fault she can't, it's not yours, either. All you should do now is look forward to having your baby," she smiled, wiping away a single tear. She wasn't lying when she said she was elated for Adam and Tanya, but oh, how she wished she could share that experience! To feel a child grow within her, to watch her body change … to give birth.  
  
As things stood, she would never now what that was like, but if she was lucky and all went well, she'd get at least second-hand knowledge should Kat, Trini or Aisha succeed in carrying a baby for Tommy and herself.  
  
*Not what I dreamed of at seventeen. But I'm not complaining … just please, God – let it work? Once? Just one baby for Tommy …* Kim prayed as she'd never done before.  
  
"What about us, then?" Kat asked curiously when everybody had settled down again. She indicated herself, Aisha and Trini. "Would one of us be suitable as host mother?"  
  
Dr. Hennessy weighed his words carefully, looking over the test results once more. He didn't like to raise false hopes, no matter how much he believed the couples seeking his help deserved to have a baby. And the Olivers certainly qualified in his book.  
  
"I see no reason why you shouldn't be," he said slowly, but raised a hand to stall any premature jubilation. "But please – are ALL of you aware of the procedures and dangers involved? Extracting the ova from you, Mrs. Oliver, implanting the embryo … all comparatively pretty minor operations as these things go. However, any kind of surgery carries its own risk. Then there's a chance of rejection, just like with a transplant – for obvious reasons, we can't medicate as we would with an organ like the liver, say. In a worst-case scenario, we might successfully fertilize a number of ova from you, and none will ever mature into a healthy baby, despite everything we can do. We can't rule out birth defects or genetic damage, either – just as with any normal pregnancy. What if any child you'll have will be handicapped in some way? Have you thought about THAT?" The physician's whole demeanour was deadly serious, and he stared intently at Kimberly and Tommy, who returned his look with steady eyes. It was Tommy who answered.  
  
"Yes, we have. And we'd love her or him just as we would if our baby was born to us." The petite woman clinging to his hand nodded.  
  
"Definitely."  
  
"Just let us try," Trini pleaded.  
  
"We're sure," Kat declared.  
  
"We want to do this," Aisha added.  
  
The doctor assessed the three young women and the couple before him for a long, long moment – a period that was a small eternity for Kim and Tommy. They were so close to having their dream fulfilled; surely this man wouldn't deny them at the last possible instant? Finally, he smiled and closed his files.  
  
"Very well then. We will make the attempt. Who of you is volunteering?" he asked, letting his eyes wander from Kat to Trini to Aisha and back. The three looked at each other, then at their friends' hopeful expressions. At last, Aisha drew a deep breath and grinned.  
  
"Why not all three of us?"  
  
"Yes – surely at least one will be able to carry the baby to term," Trini consented.  
  
"Plus, I'm certain you two wouldn't mind if you ended up with more than one baby, would you?" Kat teased, her blue eyes suspiciously moist as she saw the relief and happiness spread through Tommy and Kimberly.  
  
The first Pink Ranger was laughing through her tears as she hugged one after the other.  
  
"No … oh no … thank you …"  
  
Tommy kissed each young woman warmly, knowing that Kim wouldn't mind.  
  
"Yes. Thanks, ladies. You're the absolute best."  
  
"Then let's get started," Seamus Hennessy declared.  
  
  
  
~~***~~  
  
  
  
Ten months later …  
  
  
  
Kimberly and Thomas Oliver are proud and grateful  
  
To announce the births of  
  
Ann-Kathryn Oliver (January 10)  
  
Jason Jeffrey and David Samuel Oliver (January 13)  
  
And  
  
Billie Alicia Oliver (January 20).  
  
  
  
~~***~~  
  
  
  
The End.  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's Note: My thanks to everybody who bore with me through this, helped and encouraged during the writing process and kept me going with their kind words. All scientific gaffes are mine. Until next time … DB, January 2002. 


End file.
